“When my ship comes in, I’ll be at the airport”
"When my ship comes in" is an idiom meaning "when my fortune arrives." People who have bad luck (and who doubt that their ship ever will come in) have added an extra ending to…
Food/Drink
“When my Swiss friends send me cheese, I get sad and miss them terribly. I know I’m being sent Emmental”
Emmental is a yellow, medium-hard cheese that originated in Emmen, Switzerland. It's sometimes joked that one is being "sent Emmental" (sentimental). "pretty gutted i never get…
“When my wife sends me to the supermarket to get cucumbers…” (NSFW joke)
A joke about buying cucumbers suggests that it's better to identify one's sexual practice than to possibly imply that one is a vegan. "When my girlfriend sends me to the supermarket…
“When Newton was quarantined due to the plague, he invented calculus”
It has been pointed out, during the 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic and at other times, that some people have used isolation to great advantage. "Happy birthday to Isaac Newton, who, at the age…
“When nudists are nervous about giving a speech, do they imagine everyone with their clothes on?”
"Imagine the audience naked" is a saying about performing or giving a speech. Is the opposite true? "If you ever have to give a speech to a group of nudists and you think you’ll…
“When one door closes, another one opens. It’s the fridge”
"When one door shuts, another opens" is an old proverb about opportunity. Several joke versions involve a refrigerator door. "When one door closes, another one opens. With a teenager…
“When one door closes, sometimes you want to get a hammer and nails to make sure that stays shut”
"When one door closes, another opens" is an old saying about an opportunity lost and one gained. A joke about ending a bad experience was posted on Twitter by CherrySlushie on December…
“When one door closes, the next one slams in your face”
"When one door shuts, another opens" is an old proverb about opportunity. However, it is also possible that when one door closes, there is no other opportunity -- in fact, there could be…
“When our politicians make their political decisions based on who’s given them the most money, we don’t have a political system…”
"When our politicians make their political decisions based on who's given them the most money, we don’t have a political system. We have an auction" is a saying that has been…
“When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I say nothing, because I еаt”
"When people ask me which is more important, food or love? I don't answer because I'm eating" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. a "When me ask that…
“When people ask me which is more important, food or love? I don’t answer because I’m eating”
"When people ask me which is more important, food or love? I don't answer because I'm eating" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "When me ask that it…
“When people have nothing left to lose, they lose it”
Gerald Celente, founder of theTrends Research Institute and a frequent guest on news programs, said frequently since at least 2008: "When people have nothing left to lose, and they've…
“When people misspell ‘barely’ like ‘barley,’ they’re just going against the grain”
People often misspell "barely" and "barley." "I think my favorite typo is when people misspell 'barely' as 'barley'" was posted on Twitter by…
“When people rob banks, they go to jail; when banks rob people, they get bonuses”
"When people rob banks, they go to jail. When banks rob people, they get bonuses" became a popular saying in 2011. "When people rob banks, They are thrown into tanks. When banks rob…
“When people see a cat’s litter box, they always say, ‘Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I want to say, ‘No, it’s for company!’”
When visitors enter a home and see a cat's litter box, they often ask, "Have you got a cat?" The home's owner sometimes feels like giving a sarcastic answer to the unnecessary…
“When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat, too”
"When people suck the life out of you, wouldn't it be nice if they took some fat, too?" (or "When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat, too") is a…
“When people suck the life out of you, wouldn’t it be nice if they took some fat, too?”
"When people suck the life out of you, wouldn't it be nice if they took some fat, too?" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on…
“When people suck the life out of you, wouldn’t it be nice if they took some fat, too?”
"When people suck the life out of you, wouldn't it be nice if they took some fat, too?" (or "When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat, too") is a…
“When people talk about traveling to the past, they worry about radically changing the present by doing something small…”
"When people travel to the past, they worry about radically changing the present by doing something small. Few people think that they can radically change the future by doing something small…
“When people think about travelling to the past, they worry about accidentally changing the present…”
"When people travel to the past, they worry about radically changing the present by doing something small. Few people think that they can radically change the future by doing something small…