“Playing golf is like playing fetch with yourself”
"Golf: The art of playing fetch with yourself" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "Golf: Playing 'fetch' with yourself" was posted on the…
Food/Drink
“Plays aren’t written, they’re rewritten” (theatre adage)
"Plays aren't written, they're rewritten" is an old theatre adage meaning that many changes are usually made during the rehearsal process, before the play officially opens. Dion…
“Please be patient with me. I’m from the 1900s”
"Please be patient with me. I'm from the 1900s" is a jocular saying that began in the 2020s. The speaker is over 20 or 30 years old and cannot process new technology easily.…
“Please be patient with the bartender. Even a toilet can handle only one asshole at a time”
"Please be patient with the bartender/server. Even a toilet can handle/serve only one asshole at a time" is a sign at bars and restaurants that has been shown on many images.…
“Please be patient. I’m screwing things up as fast as I can”
"Please be patient. I'm screwing things up as fast as I can" is a jocular one-line work saying that has been printed on several images. "Hey guys..please be patient. I'm…
“Please bring me a screwdriver.”/“Flat head, Phillips, or Vodka?”
When someone asks for a screwdriver, a person might respond, "What type of screwdriver?" A screwdriver cocktail was probably not requested, but this joke was posted on Twitter by…
“Please burger, cheese” (restaurant order, a spoonerism for “Cheese burger, please”)
At a fast food restaurant's drive thru, a person might want to say "Cheeseburger, please," but it might come out as "Pleaseburger, cheese" (or "Please burger,…
“Please do not ever speak to me about math. I have moved on”
"Please do not ever speak to me about math. I have moved on" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Many people struggle with math in school, and then are happy never…
“Please do not ever talk to me about math. I have moved on”
"Please do not ever speak to me about math. I have moved on" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Many people struggle with math in school, and then are happy never…
“Please do not shoot the piano player. He is doing his best”
"Please don't shoot the piano player. He is doing his best" was a sign in western saloons and churches from the 1870s. The sign was cited in publications from February 1879 and…
“Please do not smile at strangers” (subway sign)
"Please do not smile at strangers" is a New York City subway sign that has been printed on many images. The sign was installed by art students in February 2011 in Manhattan at the 14th…
“Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on”
"Please do not ever speak to me about math. I have moved on" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Many people struggle with math in school, and then are happy never…
“Please don’t hit me. I don’t know how insurance works” (bumper sticker)
"Please don't hit me. I'm not 100% sure of my coverage" is a jocular saying that has been printed on bumper stickers. "Get a bumper sticker that says " please…
“Please don’t hit me. I’m not 100% sure about my coverage” (bumper sticker)
"Please don't hit me. I'm not 100% sure of my coverage" is a jocular saying that has been printed on bumper stickers. "Get a bumper sticker that says " please…
“Please don’t honk at me. I’ll cry” (bumper sticker)
"Please don't honk at me. I'll cry" (also "If you honk at me, I will cry" and "Please don't honk at me. I'm probably already crying") is a bumper…
“Please don’t honk at me. I’m probably already crying” (bumper sticker)
"Please don't honk at me. I'll cry" (also "If you honk at me, I will cry" and "Please don't honk at me. I'm probably already crying") is a bumper…
“Please don’t park too close. I’m fat” (bumper sticker)
"Please don't park too close. I'm fat" is a car sticker saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm Fat. So Don't Park CLOSE!!!!!!" (shown on a car…
“Please don’t throw your cigarette ends on the floor. The cockroaches are getting cancer”
"Please don't throw your cigarette ends on the floor. The cockroaches are getting cancer" is a jocular instruction that has been printed on many signs. “Please don’t throw…
“Please don’t hate me because I’m unvaccinated. I was born that way”
One point made by people against vaccinations (such as Covid-19 vaccinations), is that unvaccinated is the "default" state. People were born that way. "Don't discriminate…
“Please drink responsibly, but tip recklessly”
"Please drink responsibly, but tip recklessly" is a saying at many bars and restaurants. "Drink responsibly, tip recklessly" has been printed on many shirts. The jocular saying…