“I think, therefore I don’t have much in common with quite a few people”
"I think, therefore I don't have much in common with a lot of people" -- a variation of "I think, therefore I am" -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. The…
Food/Drink
“I thought ‘clean eating’ was devouring cupcakes while mopping the floor”
"Clean eating" means cutting out junk foods. It has nothing to do with housecleaning (cleaning and eating at the same time), but there are jokes. "I thought 'clean eating'…
“I thought a flautist was an expert in flautas”
"Flauta" (Spanish for "flute") is a Mexican dish. There are, of course, jokes involving flute players, or "flautists." "Why are people who play the flute called…
“I thought a gyroscope helped you find Greek food”
"Gyro" (a Greek food) and "gyroscope" a measuring device) are not the same thing and are usually not pronounced the same, but there are jokes. "New iPhone 4 adds a…
“I thought about becoming a psychic, but I didn’t know what people would think”
The psychic profession has its share of jokes. "I thought about becoming a psychic, but couldn't see any future in it" was cited in print in March 2009. "I thought about…
“I thought I dipped my tortilla chip into cheese sauce, but it was a queso mistaken identity”
"Queso" (Spanish for "cheese") can sound like "case of." "It was a queso mistaken identity" was posted on the newsgroup rec.outdoors.fishing.fly on December…
“I thought I had Covid-19 because I couldn’t breathe. Then I unbuttoned my pants and it was OK”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic made people conscious of their breathing. "At first, I thought I had Covid 19 because I couldn’t breathe. Then I unbuttoned my pants and it was all…
“I thought I had found the perfect website to help me with my fear of flying—until it crashed”
A joke about websites and the meaning of "crashing" was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on February 11, 2011: "I thought I'd found the perfect website to help me overcome my…
“I thought I had found the perfect website to help me with my fear of flying—until it crashed”
A joke about websites and the meaning of "crashing" was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on February 11, 2011: "I thought I'd found the perfect website to help me overcome my…
“I thought I liked seeing movies, but turns out I like eating candy in a dark room”
Cara Weinberger posted on Twitter on December 10, 2019, a comment about movies that received over 180,000 likes: "I thought I liked seeing movies, but turns out I like eating candy in a dark…
“I thought I’d take a stab at an Ides of March joke”
March 15th (the middle of the month) is called the Ides of March. Roman general and statesman Julius Caesar was assassinated on March 15, 44 B.C. "If I read one more corny ides of March joke,…
“I thought it was 1.31 miles” (half marathon joke)
A half marathon is 13.1 miles. "I thought they said 1.31 miles" (or "I thought it was 1.31 miles") is a joke that has been printed on many images. "13.1?!??! I thought you…
“I thought that I was a good person, but the way I react when people drive slowly in the left lane would suggest otherwise”
Many people get angry at slow drivers in the left (speed) lane. This was posted on X/Twitter by Abby Heugel on March 18, 2016: "I thought that I was a good person, but the way I react when…
“I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator”
"I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator" -- that is, the person ate too much and can't fit into the same clothes -- is a jocular saying that…
“I thought they said 1.31 miles” (half marathon joke)
A half marathon is 13.1 miles. "I thought they said 1.31 miles" (or "I thought it was 1.31 miles") is a joke that has been printed on many images. "13.1?!??! I thought you…
“I thought training as an airport baggage handler would be easy, but actually there’s a lot to take on board”
The expression "a lot to take on board" means that there's a lot to consider (or learn or do), but a joke takes this expression literally. "Started a new job as a airport…
“I thought turkey bacon was when you ate three pieces of bacon in a row. Sort of like bowling”
A "turkey" in bowling is three strikes in a row. "I thought turkey bacon was when you ate three pieces of bacon in a row. Sort of like bowling" was posted on X/Twitter by Kyle…
“I threw a ball for my dog. Extravagant, I know, but it was his 21st birthday”
People often throw a ball to a dog. It's usually not a dress ball that's thrown, but there are jokes. "I threw a ball for my dog. Extravagant, I know, but it was his 21st…
“I threw a boomerang at a ghost the other day. I knew it would come back to haunt me”
A boomerang pun was posted on Twitter on October 31, 2009: "I threw a boomerang at a ghost the other day. I knew it would come back to haunt me." The ghost joke has been popular around…
“I threw my dog a ball. Extravagant I know, but she looks gorgeous in an evening gown”
People often throw a ball to a dog. It's usually not a dress ball that's thrown, but there are jokes. "I threw a ball for my dog. Extravagant, I know, but it was his 21st…