“I opened two gifts this morning. They were my eyes”
"I opened two gifts this morning. They were my eyes" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on December 25, 2014. TwitterJ…
Food/Drink
“I oppose Taco Tuesday because it sends the message that the other days aren’t also for tacos”
"I oppose Taco Tuesday (only) because it sends the message that (the) other days aren't also for tacos" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is in…
“I oppose Taco Tuesday only because it sends the message that other days aren’t also for tacos”
"I oppose Taco Tuesday (only) because it sends the message that (the) other days aren't also for tacos" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is in…
“I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee”
“I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee” is a one-line coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "Coffee quote of the day: 'I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of…
“I ordered a Manhattan and that Indian bartender charged me $24!”
Peter Minuit purchased the island of Manhattan from the Lenape Indians for $24 worth of trinkets in 1626, according a popular New York City legend. A joke was published in the Los Angeles (CA)…
“I ordered some Avocado Toast at a cafe, but.. I’d accidentally ordered Avogadro’s Toast”
"Avocado toast" shouldn't be called "Avogadro toast," but there are jokes. "Avogadro's toast" was posted on Twitter by Andrew Kim on September 13, 2016.…
“I ordered tennis balls on the internet, but the site crashed. Must be problems with the server”
Websites often have a problem with a "server," providing the basis of tennis puns. "Just tried to get on the British Tennis Association's website but they're having…
“I ordered tennis balls on the internet, but the site crashed. Must be problems with the server”
Websites often have a problem with a "server," providing the basis of tennis puns. "Just tried to get on the British Tennis Association's website but they're having…
“I ordered two large fries, not a hundred little ones!”
"Large fries" and "small fries" are the same size of french fries -- the "large" order just contains more of them. "mcdonalds employee: please sir, get off the…
“I overshare on social media to make up for never talking to anyone in real life”
"I overshare on social media to make up for never talking to anyone in real life" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "I overshare on social media to make up for…
“I owe it all to art books, chocolate and young men” (Beatrice Wood)
"I owe it all to art books, chocolate and young men" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is credited to American artist and studio potter Beatrice Wood…
“I owe, I owe, so off to work I go”
"I owe, I owe, so/it's off to work I go" is a popular saying on bumper stickers and other gift items. The saying is sung to the tune of "Heigh-Ho" (the Dwarfs'…
“I paid my rent so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth”
"I paid my rent so don't ask me to come out. I'm at home getting my money's worth" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. So much money has been paid for…
“I paid my taxes, and all I got was this stupid oligarchy”
"I paid my taxes, and all I got was this stupid oligarchy" is a saying that has been printed on an ecard. "My parent went to Florida and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" is a…
“I paid the rent… Now I’ve got a place to starve to death”
"I paid the rent... Now I've got a place to starve to death" (or "Paid my rent, now I have a place to starve") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I passed 3 liquor stores, 4 drug stores, 5 vape shops, and 9 fast food joints on my way to pick up my illegal raw milk…”
"I passed 6 liquor stores, 8 vape shops and 3 cannabis shops on my way to pick up my illegal raw milk because the government cares about our health!" is a saying -- with several…
“I passed 6 liquor stores, 8 vape shops and 3 cannabis shops on my way to pick up my illegal raw milk…”
"I passed 6 liquor stores, 8 vape shops and 3 cannabis shops on my way to pick up my illegal raw milk because the government cares about our health!" is a saying -- with several…
“I passed a drug test recently, which is strange because I don’t remember eating one”
"@AuburnJokes: An Auburn player recently passed a drug test. Which was strange because he didn't remember eating one" was posted on Twitter by Michael D'Elia on April 29, 2012.…
“I passed my paintball exam with flying colors”
Students who pass an exam easily are said to do so "with flying colors." It's sometimes joked that the test was a paintball exam. "I passed my paintball exam with flying…
“I passed my paintball exam with flying colours”
Students who pass an exam easily are said to do so "with flying colors." It's sometimes joked that the test was a paintball exam. "I passed my paintball exam with flying…