What is the purpose of homework? This was posted on X/Twitter by Erin Ekins on July 19, 2020, and it received over 153,000 likes: "I've come to the conclusion that the sole purpose of…
"The bigger the cheerio, the better it tastes" -- a meme usually shown with a bowl of Cheerios and a donut on top -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. "The bigger the…
"I’ve cut down on my drinking, and now only have one vodka before going to bed. Last night I went to bed eight times" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
If you invest in beef stock and chicken stock and vegetable stock, could you become a "bouillonaire" (bouillon + billionaire)? "I bought apple stocks early.......also beef stocks,…
"I've decided to leave my past behind. So if I owe you money, I'm sorry but I've moved on" is a jocular saying that has been TwitterCristian…
"I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by WriterOfWrongs on September 23, 2010, and on…
"Instead of John, I call my bathroom Jim. That way it sounds better when I say I went to the Jim first thing this morning" is a jocular gym saying that has been printed on many images.…
"I'VE DECIDED TO WRITE MY TWEETS IN CAPITALS. I WROTE THIS ONE IN PARIS" is a jocular saying that has been printed -- sometimes all in capitals, sometimes not -- about various…
"I've done some terrible things for money, like getting up early and going to work" (or "I have done terrible things for money, like getting up early to go to work") is a…
"I've failed math so many times I can't even count" is a jocular line that has been printed on T-shirts and ecards. "I failed maths so many times I can't even…
"I've found the key to happiness. Stay away from assholes" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I have found the key to happiness... Stay away from…
A joke about working in the circus was posted on Twitter by Jem Brookes on February 11, 2012: "I've given up my job in the circus because it was too difficult to juggle work and…
Oxo stock cubes (a food brand) has been the subject of "Oxo moron" (oxymoron) jokes. "What do you call someone who can't make stock from a cube? An oxo moron!…
"Currant" (a dried berry) sounds like "current." "My currant girlfriend just dumped me. I guess everything happens for a raisin," English comedian Darren Walsh posted…
People on a human chess board work as kings, queens, bishops, knights, rooks and pawns. A joke was posted on Twitter on September 8, 2014: "I've just started work as a human chess…
"I've got a million of 'em" is what Manhattan-born actor and comedian Jimmy Durante (1893-1980) often said after telling a corny joke. The line probably originated in the…
U.S. President Barack Obama said on January 14, 2014, that if Congress didn't act on legislation, he would try to go around that legislative body: “I’ve got a pen and I’ve got a…
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Henny YoungmanHenry "Henny" Youngman (original Yiddish surname Yungman; 16 March 1906 – 24 February 1998) was an English-born American comedian and…
"I've got it all together. I just forgot where I put it" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I Finally Got It All Together, But I Forgot Where I Put…
"I got mood poisoning. Must have been something I hate" (or "I got mood poisoning at work. It must be something I hate") -- a pun on "food poisoning" and…