"If this doughnut and chocolate milk are going to take years off my life, could I have them remove 1978-1982?" is a joke that was posted on X/Twitter by Steve Olivas on June 21, 2013.…
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee" is a frequently cited anecdote that has usually been attributed to Abraham Lincoln…
Victor H. Potamkin established sucessful auto dealerships in New York City, Florida, and elsewhere. He advertised heavily on television, and his car dealership's slogan was: "If this…
"If this weather gets any more bipolar I’m going to try to date it" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "If this weather gets any more bipolar I’m going to…
"If this weekend goes as planned, it will not include any actual plans" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If this weekend goes as planned, it will not include any…
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterNate Thomas@natezthomasIf time heals all wounds, what happens if you get smashed in the head with a clock?1:44 PM - 30 Jan 2013 TwitterManuel…
"Time is money" is a proverb that was popularized by Benjamin Franklin (1705-1790). "ATM" stands for "automated teller machine," but there's a joke: "If time…
Botanically, a tomato is a fruit. "If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?" is a jocular line that has been printed on posters and e-cards. "Today, I…
What do state schools teach? "If trade schools teach trades, and religious schools teach religion, then what do state schools teach?" was posted on Facebook by Justin Damask on May 23,…
Entry in progress -- BP Reddit -- StonerThoughtsPosted by u/markp_93 March 7, 2019Chicken is tuna of the land Reddit -- NoStpuiduestionsPosted by u/dab840 June 17, 2019If tuna is chicken of the…
"If two people are in love nothing is impossible, except deciding where to eat" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "If two people are in love, nothing…
When someone has a "beef" with someone else, it means a "grudge" or a "complaint." The word "beef" does not mean "meat," but the confusion leads to…
“If two vegans have a fight, is it still considered a beef?” is a popular joke. "Quornfrontation" (quorn + confrontation) is often added to the end of the joke. "If two vegans…
A popular aviation riddle about the Wright Brothers is: Q: If two wrongs don't make a right, what do two rights make?A: An airplane. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1969.…
"If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy" is a popular quotation that has been credited to James Madison (1751-1836), but there is…
“Dominance and submission” or “dom/sub” doesn't mean that for every "subway" there must exist also a "domway," but there are jokes. Some jokes involve the…
"If vaccines worked, only the elite would be vaccinated" is an anti-vaccination saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker believes that the elite operate on what is best…
A not-safe-for-work joke is told about Valentine's Day. "If Valentines Day is for lovers... what day is for single men... Palm Sunday" was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on…
"If vegetables are so good, why do vegans always try to make them taste like meat?" is a saying that has been printedon several images. "If vegetables are so good, why do vegans…
"If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several signs. The saying has been cited in print since at least 2000…