“Charles Dickens walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A version involving author Charles Dickens (1812-1870) and his novel Oliver Twist (1837-9)…
Archive for /P28000
“What’s the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?” (joke)
"Chickpea" sounds like "chick pee," prompting the adult joke: Q: What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?"A: Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean…
“What is it called when you kill a chickpea?”/“Hummuside.”
A joke about Middle Eastern cuisine is: Q: What is it called when you kill a chickpea?A: Hummuside (homicide). "Hummuside" (hummus + homicide) has been cited on Twitter since April 22,…
“If two wrongs don’t make a right, what do two rights make?”/“An airplane.”
A popular aviation riddle about the Wright Brothers is: Q: If two wrongs don't make a right, what do two rights make?A: An airplane. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1969.…
“Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates. They’ll kill your dog”
“Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get" is a famous line from the movie Forrest Gump (1994). Many people love chocolate, but it can kill…
“What do you call a Communist sniper?”/“A Marxman.”
A popular Communist/Marxist pun is: Q: What do you call a Communist sniper?A: A Marxman (marksman). "What do you call a communist sniper? A marxman!" was cited on Twitter on February 28,…
“Why can’t Irishmen be lawyers?”/“They can never get past the bar.”
A popular Irish joke is: Q: Why can't Irishmen be lawyers?A: They can never get past the bar. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1999. “An Irishman walks out of a bar” is a…
New York State: Excelsior State (nickname)
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Coat of arms of New YorkThe coat of arms of the state of New York was formally adopted in 1778, and appears as a component of the state's flag and seal.…
“Poisoned coffee, n: Grounds for divorce”
A pun has it that "poisoned coffee is grounds for divorce." The joke has been cited in print since at least 1968. "Poisoned coffee, n.: Grounds for divorce" has been cited since…
“If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee”
"If you ever live in a community run by a committee, be on the committee" has been credited to American social scientist William Graham Sumner (1840-1910). It's uncertain when he…
“What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?”/“One less drunk.”
A popular Irish joke is: Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?A: There is one less drunk at the wake. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1966. Old…
“Why can’t Irishmen be lawyers?”/“They can never get past the bar.”
A popular Irish joke is: Q: Why can't Irishmen be lawyers?A: They can never get past the bar. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1999. “An Irishman walks out of a bar” is a…
“Thank you, student loans. How will I ever repay you?”
"Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Dear Student Loans…
“Why did the programmer quit his job?”/“Because he didn’t get arrays.”
A popular computer programming joke is: Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?A: Because he didn't get arrays (a raise). The joke was cited on Twitter on August 17, 2009. Microsoft tweeted…
“Why did the cowboy buy a wiener dog?”/“He wanted to get a long little doggy.”
A joke on the song title "Git Along, Little Dogies" is: Q: Why did the cowboy buy a wiener dog (dachshund)?A: He wanted to get a long little doggy. The joke applies to buying a dachshund…
“Why did the cowboy buy a wiener dog?”/“He wanted to get a long little doggy.”
A joke on the song title "Git Along, Little Dogies" is: Q: Why did the cowboy buy a wiener dog (dachshund)?A: He wanted to get a long little doggy. The joke applies to buying a dachshund…
“I slapped a statue’s ass. I’ve officially hit rock bottom”
"Rock bottom" is the lowest level or point. A joke about stone statues is: "I slapped a statue's ass. I've officially hit rock bottom." "I slapped a statue on the…
“A time traveler walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A time travel version is: "Bartender says 'We don't serve time travelers…
“We should’ve seen communism’s failure. In retrospect, there were a lot of red flags”
A "red flag" is a metaphor for a problem. A red flag is also a symbol of Communism. A joke was posted on reddit on December 4, 2014: We should've known about the failure of…
“Why is milk so fast?”/“Because it’s pasteurized before you see it.”
"Pasteurize" sound likes "past your eyes," prompting the pun: Q: Why is milk so fast?A: Because it's pasteurized before you can see it. The joke was cited in a riddle book…