“I run on caffeine, grease, loud music and cuss words”
"I run on coffee, chaos and cuss words" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. There have been many "I run on..." variations. "I run on #coffee and cuss…
Archive for /P22400
“What’s the difference between being hungry and horny?”/“Where you put the cucumber.”
A not-safe-for-work riddle has been printed on many images: Q: What's the difference between being hungry and horny?A: Where you put the cucumber. The joke was posted on Twitter on January 5,…
“I am scared of non-alcoholic lager. It must be a faux beer”
"Faux beer" sounds like "phobia." "I think i have a faux beer phobia" was posted on Twitter on May 7, 2009. "My dad is scared of fake alcohol. He has a faux…
“There are some things you can only learn in a storm”
"There are some things you can only learn in a storm" -- that is, learn through difficulties -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Some stuff you can't learn on…
“What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?”/“Summer.”
A math riddle is: Q: What is a math teacher's favorite sum?A: Summer. That is, when there is no school (summer). The joke was posted on Twitter on February 29, 2012. Twitter Kevin “K-Ship”…
“I keep my hot sauce in the refrigerator. Now it’s just sauce”
"Hot sauce" is sometimes stored in the refrigerator and, yes, it is still "hot" (spicy). However, many people still wonder about the process. "If you put hot sauce in the…
“The guy who wrote the program that estimates time left on a download wasn’t serious”
Many computer users get impatient waiting for downloads. A joke was posted on Twitter by Verifried Drunk on July 24, 2011: "The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left…
“What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?”/“Summer!”
A math riddle is: Q: What is a math teacher's favorite sum?A: Summer. That is, when there is no school (summer). The joke was posted on Twitter on February 29, 2012. Twitter Kevin “K-Ship”…
“Conjunctivitis.com—that’s a site for sore eyes”
A "(web)site for sore eyes" is a pun on the expression of a "sight for sore eyes." English comedian Tim Vine has been credited with this joke since at least 2009:…
“Have to love Easter, baby” (pun on “Hasta la vista, baby”)
"Hasta la vista, baby" is a famous line that actor Arnold Schwarzenegger used in the film Terminator 2: Judgment Day. A holiday pun, "Have to love East, baby," has been printed…
“I’m a social drinker. Every time someone says ‘I’ll have a drink,’ I say ‘Social I’”
"I'm a social drinker. Every time someone says 'I'll have a drink,' I say 'Social I'" -- a pun on "So shall I" -- is a jocular drinking saying that…
“I was asked how much television I watch. I said that I usually watch the whole screen”
Many people watch a lot of television. "Some guy on live at the Apollo just said, 'I watch a lot of the TV. I even sometimes watch the whole screen'" was posted on Twitter on…
“A person who cares for chickens is a chicken tender”
A "chicken tender" is a food, but it can also be a job description. "If I took care of chickens, would that make me a Chicken Tender?" was posted on Twitter on April 21, 2011.…
“People often ask me why I wanted to be a film editor. Well, to cut a long story short”
"To cut a long story short" is a common conversational expression. "When I was asked at the job interview 'Why do you want to be a Film Editor?' I replied 'Well, to…
“Me: What’s the wifi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.”
Many bars provide wifi access for customers, although some people use the wifi service and purchase little or nothing. A joke was posted on Twitter by Ian Sausage on March 11, 2018: Me: What's…
“What stars go to jail?”/“Shooting stars.”
A riddle about stars is: Q: What stars go to jail?A: Shooting stars. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1976. Wikipedia: Shooting Star Shooting star is a common name for the visible…
“Technically, the air guitar is a wind instrument”
Is an "air guitar" a wind instrument? Actually, pretending to play a guitar is not playing an instrument at all. "My favourite wind instrument is probably the air guitar" was…
“What did Spartacus say to the cannibal who killed his wife?”/“Nothing, he’s Gladiator.”
"Gladiator" sounds like "glad he ate her," and puns have been cited in print since at least 1836. A riddle was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on July 13, 1992: Q: What do you…
“There once was a dog named Tax. I opened the door and income Tax”
"Income tax" sounds like "in come Tax." A joke was printed in a 1917 newspaper: "A prosperous farmer of this county, who was looking after business in town yesterday,…
“Nothing makes you feel like a bigger alcoholic than taking out the recycling”
Recycling provides the evidence of one's drinking. "Nothing like taking out the recycling to show you your roommate may be an alcoholic" was posted on Twitter on May 19, 2010.…