“If money talks, then mine must have a speech impediment”
"Money talks” (meaning that money has influence) is an old financial saying, cited in print in various forms from before 1700. "Money talks" was printed in several American…
Archive for /P21240
“Why did the chicken cross the road to KFC?”/“To see the chicken strip.”
Chicken strips are deep fried pieces of chicken meat. "Chicken strips" doesn't mean that chicken takes off its clothes (strips), but there are jokes. A "chicken strip club"…
“Does anyone want to buy a broken barometer? No pressure”
Some sales have high pressure, but the sale of a broken barometer? "If anyone is interested, I have a broken Barometer for sale. No pressure" was posted on Twitter by Chris Gurton on…
“Why did the chicken cross the road to KFC?”/“To see the chicken strip.”
Chicken strips are deep fried pieces of chicken meat. "Chicken strips" doesn't mean that chicken takes off its clothes (strips), but there are jokes. A "chicken strip club"…
“My favorite ice cream flavor is Charm” (physics joke)
There are six types (flavors) of quarks: up, down, strange, charm, bottom, and top. Forms of na ice cream joke have been cited in print since at least 2004. This was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on…
“Parboiled: Playing a round of golf on a very hot and humid day”
"Parboiling" has nothing to do with a golf "par," but there are jokes. "Par-boiled: mistakenly put a golf ball in the saucepan instead of an egg" was posted on the…
“May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Instagram”
"May your life (someday) be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/social media" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "May your life someday be as…
“Would you like to see a model home?”/“Sure! When does she get off work?”
New York City-born comedian and actor Milton Berle (1908-2002) was quoted with this joke in the January 1943 Reader's Digest: "Would you like to see a model home?" "Glad to.…
“Welcome to our ‘ool’. Notice there’s no ‘P’ in it. Let’s keep it that way”
"Welcome to our ‘ool’. Notice there’s no ‘P’ in it. Let’s keep it that way" is a jocular saying (against "pee" in the pool) that has been printed on many images. The…
“Say whatever you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slowly through school zones”
A politically incorrect joke about pedophiles is that "at least they drive slowly through school zones." "RT from a Facebook friend: 'you may not like pedophiles, but at least…
“For Christmas, I’ve got my wife a telepathic abacus. It’s the thought that counts”
"For christmas I've got my wife a telepathic abacus. It's the thought that counts" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Robin Flavell on December 20, 2012. "I've…
“101 lemmings walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A lemmings version is: "20 lemmings walk into a bar. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!…
“How did the hipster drown?”/“He went ice skating before it was cool.”
A hipster riddle has been printed on several images: Q: How did the hipster drown?A: He went ice skating before it (the lake -- ed.) was cool. The riddle is funny only if the listener knows that it…
“Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?”
"Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?" was posted on the newsgroup alt.smouldering.dog.zone on March 23, 1998. "Can an orphan eat in a family restaurant?" was asked on the…
“I did really well on my Roman history test. I got a C”
A "C" is a letter grade. "C" is a Roman numeral for 100. "Thank you sweet baby jesus i got a C on my roman history test :D" was posted on Twitter by Amanda Kramer on…
“Is there life after death? Trespass here and find out” (property sign)
"Is there life after death? Trespass here and find out" is an anti-trespassing sign (suggesting that trespassers will be shot) that has been printed on many images. The signs have been…
“What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?”/“Men toes.”
A riddle about Mentos (scotch mints) is: Q: What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?A: Men toes. The joke has been cited in print since 2014 and is of unknown authorship. Wikipedia:…
“I tried to buy a life insurance policy, but they just laughed and said I need to get a life first”
"Get a life!" is a popular expression. "I was denied life insurance, they said I had to get a life first" is a jocular saying that was posted on the newsgroup…
“Where the East peters out” (Dallas slogan)
The famous slogan of Fort Worth, Texas, is "Where the West begins." Fort Worth (TX) Star-Telegram publisher Amon G. Carter (1879-1955) disliked Dallas so much, he called it "Where…
“I’ve been trying to organize a Hide and Seek tournament, but good players are hard to find”
"I'm having trouble organizing a Hide and Seek league. Good players are hard to find" is a joke that was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on November 4, 2015. "I’ve been trying to…