“Thank God it’s Friday. Only 40 more years of work left!”
"Thank god it‘s friday. Only 40 more years of working" was posted on Twitter by Julicorn on February 1, 2019. That is, the speaker might have Saturday and Sunday off from work, but…
Archive for 05/2021
“A boomerang is basically a single-player frisbee”
"A boomerang is a single player frisbee" was posted on Twitter by mackenzie on January 29, 2013. "A boomerang is like a single player frisbee" was posted on Twitter by Jimmy…
“How rich are garbage men?”/“Filthy.”
A wealth riddle is: Q: How rich are garbage men?A: Filthy. That is, garbage men are "filthy rich." The joke was posted on Reddit -- ShitJokes on November 9, 2017. Reddit -- ShitJokes…
“I just realized why this month is called ‘May.’ It may rain, it may snow…”
"THERE seems to be a particular reason why the month of May should be marked with floods, unless it be the old rule that the month is so called because it may rain, it may snow, it may freeze,…
“Are you from Harvard and can’t count, or from MIT and can’t read?” (supermarket checkout joke)
Many supermarkets have a checkout for "10 items or less" or "12 items or less." A person with more items who goes to that checkout either can't read or can't count --…
“My French teacher has retired. Adios, amigo”
"My french teacher died. Adios, buddy" was posted on Reddit -- Sixwordstories on June 21, 2016. "After a long and effective career, my French teacher finally retired. Adios,…
“Three types of people with more than 10 items: People who can’t read, can’t count, and assholes”
Many supermarkets have a checkout for "10 items or less" or "12 items or less." A person with more items who goes to that checkout either can't read or can't count --…
“How do you tell vaccinated from unvaccinated if they aren’t wearing masks?” (joke)
The COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic resulted in mask wearing. Vaccines were made available in 2021, and some mask restrictions were dropped. A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on May 14, 2021:…
“Thank God it‘s Friday. Only 40 more years of working”
"Thank god it‘s friday. Only 40 more years of working" was posted on Twitter by Julicorn on February 1, 2019. That is, the speaker might have Saturday and Sunday off from work, but…
G"Why did the ghost go to jail?”/“He got arrested for possession.”
A ghost riddle is: Q: Why did the ghost go to jail?A: He got arrested for possession. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 2013. TwitterShane, Please...@ShaneHoseaWhy did the ghost go…
“What do calendars eat?”/“Dates.”
A calendar riddle is: Q: What do calendars eat?A: Dates. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 2010. TwitterVidhi Agrawal@n0m_nomWhat do you calendars eat? DATES12:11 AM · Feb 15,…
“What do clowns eat for breakfast?”/“Amuesli.”
"What do comedians eat for breakfast? Amuseli" was posted on Twitter by Amy Charlotte Kean on March 14, 2012. ("Muesli" or "museli" is a cold oatmeal dish, but this…
“Old math teachers never die—they just reduce to lowest terms”
"Old soldiers never die -- they just fade away” is an old saying that was popularized by General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964) in his farewell address to Congress on April 19, 1951. Many…
“Why did the lion cross the road?”/“To get to the other pride.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A lion version is: Q: Why did the lion cross the road?A: To get to…
“What do comedians eat for breakfast?”/“Amuseli.”
"What do comedians eat for breakfast? Amuseli" was posted on Twitter by Amy Charlotte Kean on March 14, 2012. ("Muesli" or "museli" is a cold oatmeal dish, but this…
“Why did the lion cross the road?”/“Because he saw a zebra crossing.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A lion version is: Q: Why did the lion cross the road?A: Because he…
“What do comedians eat for breakfast?”/“Corny flakes.”
"What do comedians eat for breakfast? Amuseli" was posted on Twitter by Amy Charlotte Kean on March 14, 2012. ("Muesli" or "museli" is a cold oatmeal dish, but this…
“What do jokesters eat for breakfast?”/“Pun-cakes.”
"What do comedians eat for breakfast? Amuseli" was posted on Twitter by Amy Charlotte Kean on March 14, 2012. ("Muesli" or "museli" is a cold oatmeal dish, but this…
“If we all just stay home for 2 weeks, we could flatten the gas shortage curve”
A temporary closure of the Colonial Pipeline in May 2021 caused gas shortages in the United States. Some people applied Coivd-19 (coronavirus) pandemic logic to the problem. "Maybe if everyone…
“I could use a foot massage, three donuts, and an orgasm”
"I could use a foot massage, 4 donuts, and an orgasm" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. “@NaughtyFacts: I could use a foot massage, 4 donuts, and an…