“Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called ‘a lot’”
"Tonight I'm going to have my favorite drink. It's called 'a lot'" (or "Tonight, I'll be having my favorite drink. It's called a lot") is a…
Archive for 12/2020
“When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a housewarming party and now I’m homeless”
A "housewarming party" no longer involves making a house warm, but there are jokes. "When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party. Now I'm…
“How does Santa Claus prevent himself from getting coronavirus?”/“He uses santatizer.”
Entry in progress. -- BP Wikipedia: COVID-19 pandemicThe COVID-19 pandemic, also known as the coronavirus pandemic, is an ongoing pandemic of coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) caused by severe…
“A midget stumbles out of the bar… He was a little drunk”
"A midget stumbles out of the bar... He was a little drunk" is a bar joke that was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on November 7, 2020. "A little drunk" usually means "a bit…
“I went to the store to buy chicken broth, but they said they were out of stock”
"Out of stock" means that a business has no more of an item. It shouldn't be confused with the "stock" that is broth (bouillon), but there are jokes. "I went to buy…
Waccine (wack + vaccine)
The 2019-20 COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic resulted in much talk about a vaccine. Some people mocked "virus" as "wirus," and "vaccine" as "waccine" or…
“How can I install Dominion on my bank account?” (Dominion Voting Systems joke)
Dominion Voting Systems received much criticism following the 2020 U.S. presidential election, where many people believed that candidate Joe Biden received millions of extra votes. "How can I…
“I’m about to have my favorite alcoholic drink. It’s called A Lot”
"Tonight I'm going to have my favorite drink. It's called 'a lot'" (or "Tonight, I'll be having my favorite drink. It's called a lot") is a…
“They’re making a male version of Amazon Alexa. It doesn’t listen to anything”
Amazon Alexa (a virtual assistant AI technology) has a female voice. "For those of you that don't want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they're making a male version. . . it…
“I’ll be home for Christmas. Been here all year anyway. #2020”
"I'll Be Home for Christmas" (1943) is a Christmas song written by the lyricist Kim Gannon and composer Walter Kent and recorded by Bing Crosby. It referred to soldiers in World War…
“Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?”/“Because he took a leek!”
Wikipedia: LeekThe leek is a vegetable, a cultivar of Allium ampeloprasum, the broadleaf wild leek. The edible part of the plant is a bundle of leaf sheaths that is sometimes erroneously called a…
“I’d like to buy Hanukkah stamps.”/“What denomination?” (joke)
Christmas stamps and Hanukkah stamps are sold by the U.S. post office, and a joke has a woman buying such stamps. "What denomination?" a clerk asks her. The woman, however, believes the…
“Anarchy is the revolutionary idea that no one is more qualified than you are to decide your life”
"Anarchism/Anarchy is the revolutionary idea that no one is more qualified than you are to decide what your life will be" is a political saying that has been printed on many images.…
“Santa saw your Instagram pictures. You’re getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas”
"Santa saw your Instagram pictures. You're getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. That is to say that many pictures on…
“Anarchism is the revolutionary idea that no one is more qualified than you are to decide your life”
"Anarchism/Anarchy is the revolutionary idea that no one is more qualified than you are to decide what your life will be" is a political saying that has been printed on many images.…
“I’d like to buy Christmas stamps.”/“What denomination?” (joke)
Christmas stamps and Hanukkah stamps are sold by the U.S. post office, and a joke has a woman buying such stamps. "What denomination?" a clerk asks her. The woman, however, believes the…
Fauxvid-1984 (faux + COVID-19 + Nineteen Eighty-Four)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic disease was called COVID-19 (after the year 2019). Some people felt that the coronavirus lockdowns and the loss of liberty made it seem more like COVID-1984…
Fauxvid-19 (faux + COVID-19)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic disease was called COVID-19 (after the year 2019). Some people felt that the coronavirus lockdowns and the loss of liberty made it seem more like COVID-1984…
“Norse God mathematicians stick out like Thor sums”
The idiom to "stick out like a sore thumb" (to be very obvious) is sometimes expressed using the spoonerism "Thor sum." "'He sticks out like a Thor sum' -…
“Biscotti are just tea croutons”
Biscotti have been compared to croutons. "Biscotti is the crouton of dessert" was posted on Twitter by Jobe Rodgers on September 7, 2009. "Biscotti... The dessert crouton" was…