“A guy named Bart walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A Bart/bartender version is: "A guy named Bart walks into a bar, he immediately gets…
Archive for 03/2020
“I wanted to do panic buying, I checked my account… I can only panic”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused panic buying in many stores. "U can only panic buy if ur loaded. I won't be panic buying" was posted on Twitter by jacqueline shirley on…
“How come liquor stores don’t have empty shelves? People are about to be quarantined with spouses”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak saw people panic buying items such as water and toilet paper. "Why don’t liquor stores have empty shelves?? Do people not realize they’re about to be…
“I think it’s great that people are finally going to drink water, wipe their ass, and wash hands”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak led to panic buying of water and toilet paper, and to constant messages about washing hands. "I think it’s great that people are finally going to drink…
“If I don’t find a pot of gold today, I’ll settle for a pot of coffee”
"If I don't find a pot of gold today, I'll settle for a pot of coffee" is a saying for St. Patrick's Day (March 17th). The saying has been printed on an image. "If I…
“What gets rid of grime and stains?”/“Ammonia cleaner.”/“Sorry, I thought you worked here.”
"Ammonia cleaner" can sound like "I'm only a cleaner." A joke was posted on Twitter by Yorkie 'B' #xmil on September 5, 2018: I was in a hardware shop and I said…
“We are about 3 weeks away from knowing everyone’s true hair color” (pandemic joke)
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak became a pandemic. Many people weren't able to visit hair salons. "Saw this on insta and it's the FACTS: we're about 3 weeks away from knowing…
Plandemic (plans + pandemic)
"Plandemic" (plans + pandemic) is a portmanteau word that can mean a lot of plans. "Yet currently we are experiencing a 'plandemic' — a proliferation of plans" was…
“What kills coronavirus?”/“Ammonia cleaner.”/“Sorry, I thought you worked here.”
"Ammonia cleaner" can sound like "I'm only a cleaner." A joke was posted on Twitter by Yorkie 'B' #xmil on September 5, 2018: I was in a hardware shop and I said…
“A bus is like a moving waiting room”
Various forms of transportation have been described as "a moving waiting room." "Traveling is kind of like sitting in a moving waiting room" was posted on Reddit --…
“The toilet paper ‘crisis’ confirms that we have more assholes than we thought”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak led to panic buying of toilet paper. "Based on the lack of toilet paper in stores, I can only conclude there are a lot more assholes than we realized"…
Plandemic (planned + pandemic)
"Plandemic" (plans + pandemic) is a portmanteau word that can mean a lot of plans. "Yet currently we are experiencing a 'plandemic' — a proliferation of plans" was…
“Our cleaning lady just called and told us she will be working from home”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak led to many people working from home -- but did that include cleaning ladies? "Our cleaning lady just emailed to say she’ll be working from home for the…
“Pandemic jokes are only funny if everyone gets it”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak was declared to be a pandemic, and this resulted in several jokes. "Pandemic jokes are only funny if everyone gets it" was posted on Twitter by Josh on…
“Yo mama is so fat, the government cancelled her for being a mass gathering”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak cancelled many mass gatherings and caused people to "social distance" themselves. A "yo mama" insult "fat joke" was posted on…
“Everything is cancelled. You know what’s not cancelled? Laundry. Laundry is never cancelled”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused many cancellations, such as schools and sporting events. "Everything is cancelled expect for laundry..laundry is never cancelled 😜" was posted…
“Ok, so if the Corona virus isn’t about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak had nothing to do with Corona beer, but there were jokes. This was posted on Twitter by Anthony McHats on February 28, 2020: "If coronavirus isn't about…
“Buses have the route number on the back so you can confirm that it was your bus you just missed”
Buses have route numbers on the back, but why? "I love how buses show the route number on the back as well .. so you can be sure it was definitely your bus you just missed" was posted on…
“The atomic structure of salad is proton, neutron, electron and crouton”
"Recipe for an atomic salad: protons, neutrons, electrons and croutons" is a joke that was printed in Boys' Life in April 1987. "Crouton" sounds like it belongs with the…
“Just tried to buy toilet paper, but the grocery store’s supply was wiped out”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused panic buying (and shortages) of toilet paper. Toilet paper puns were used during the crisis, but they had also been used earlier. "No toilet paper at…