“College is just the most expensive book club”
College textbooks are usually very expensive. "College is just a really expensive book club where we read and discuss" was posted on Twitter by Peppy on February 1, 2010. "With…
Archive for 09/2018
“Window or aisle?”/“Window or you’ll what?”
"Aisle" shouldn't be confused with "I'll," but there's an airplane joke: Airline Check-In Clerk: Window or aisle?Airline Passenger: Window or you'll what?…
“The belt is the original wearable fitness tracker”
A belt can be a fitness tracker. "Haa...my fitness tracker aka belt is telling me I need a diet" was posted on Twitter by Tee 🍕Crescenzi 🌊 on May 26, 2016. "@ReformedBroker…
“Collared greens are just well dressed vegetables”
"Collard greens" are not "collared greens" -- they don't wear collars -- but there are jokes. "To me 'collared greens' are just well dressed vegetables"…
“An empty bottle walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." An empty bottle version is: "An empty bottle walks into a bar. The bartender says,…
“Don’t worry, it’s okay to drink white after Labor Day”
"Don't worry, it's okay to drink white after Labor Day" is a drinking saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is a jocular variation of the old fashion rule,…
“What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight?”/“A power failure.”
A riddle about how unromantic many men are is: Q: What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?A: A power failure. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.tasteless.jokes on November 27,…
“If you’ve got it, haunt it”
"If you've got it, haunt it" is a Halloween saying that has been printed on many images. "That's it, baby, when you've got it, flaunt it, flaunt it!" is a famous…
“I love you a yacht” (“I love you a whole yacht”)
"I love you a lot," to a boat owner, might be "I love you a yacht." "I love you a yacht" (or "I love you a whole yacht") is a saying that has been printed on…
“I’m using food in my magic act, crushing garlic, basil and pine nuts, then…pesto!”
"Presto!" should not be confused with "pesto," but a joke was posted on Twitter by FP Lamb on February 10, 2014: "I've started using food in my magic act. I start by…
“Fall is sweater weather, crunchy leaves, and pumpkin spice everything”
"Fall is sweater weather, crunchy leaves, and pumpkin spice everything" is an autumn saying that has been printed on several images. "I am so ready for sweater weather, crunchy…
“I heard a really funny joke at our mandatory meeting at work” (joke)
When another telling of a joke doesn't work, "I guess you had to be there" is what the joke teller often says. "Did you hear the one about the mandatory meeting? I guess you had…
“Boss: Would you be able to pass a urine test? Me: No problem. Distance or accuracy?”
A "urine test" is a test of what's in the urine -- not how a person can produce urine. "At my last pee-in-cup urine test, I asked the doctor if he wanted me to emphasize…
“They aren’t making yardsticks any longer”
A yardstick joke was printed in The Evening Star (Washington, DC) on December 11, 1922: Sambo -- Ah sees where dey ain't making yardsticks any longer.Snowball -- Why am dat?Sambo -- Dey's…
The Failing New York Times (New York Times nickname)
The New York Times newspaper is frequently nicknamed The Failing New York Times in the tweets of Donald Trump (who was elected U.S. president in 2016). There are a few earlier, non-Trump tweets.…
Amazon Washington Post (Washington Post nickname)
Jeff Bezos, the founder and CEO of
“I like hashtags because they look like waffles”
"I like hashtags because they look like waffles" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "DONT YOU THINK → # ← HASHTAGS LOOK LIKE WAFFLES?" was posted on Twitter…
“The sun will rise and we will try again”
"The sun will rise and we will try again" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. "The sun will rise tomorrow, and we will try again" was posted on…
“The first day of school—the day when the countdown to the LAST day of school begins”
"The first day of school -- the day when the countdown to the LAST day of school begins" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "First day of school : when the countdown…
“Be curious, not cool”
"Be curious, not cool" is a saying that has been printed on several images. American filmmaker Ken Burns said in his commencement address at Washington University in St. Louis on May 15,…