“I saw a sign that made me shit myself. It said, ‘Bathroom closed’”
"I saw a sign that made me shit myself. It said, 'Bathroom closed'" is a joke that has been printed on several images. "I saw a sign today that made me piss myself…
Archive for 08/2018
“Like a good neighbor, stay over there”
"Like a good neighbor, stay over there" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is a parody of the State Farm insurance jingle, "Like a good neighbor,…
“If you want to fly with the eagles, don’t swim with the ducks”
"If you want to fly with the eagles, don't swim with the ducks" (or "If you want to fly with eagles, stop swimming with ducks") is a motivational saying that has been…
“Not all who wander to the kitchen at midnight are lost”
"Not all who wander to the kitchen at midnight are lost" is a jocular eating saying that has been printed on many images. "Not all those who wander are lost" is a famous line…
“I don’t want to. I don’t have to. You can’t make me. I’m retired”
"I don't want to. I don't have to. You can't make me. I'm retired" is a jocular retirement saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been printed on…
“Burritos are like blunts made out of food”
A burrito (a food) and a blunt (a marijuana cigar) are both rolled. "Burritos are like blunts..you put a bunch of shit in them and thats shits bomb!!!" was posted on Twitter by Chri$ on…
“Burritos are like blunts. If you can’t roll, get a bowl”
A burrito (a food) and a blunt (a marijuana cigar) are both rolled. "Burritos are like blunts..you put a bunch of shit in them and thats shits bomb!!!" was posted on Twitter by Chri$ on…
“My boss said to me, ‘You’re the worst train driver ever!’” (joke)
A train joke was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on September 19, 2012, and probably originated on the Sickipedia website: "You're the worst fucking train driver ever," said my…
“‘I see,’ said the blind carpenter as he picked up his hammer and saw”
"'I see,' said the blind carpenter as he picked up his hammer and saw" is a form of pun known as a "Wellerism." "A country paper, in speaking of a blind wood…
“Suck it up now so you don’t have to suck it in later”
"Suck it up now so you don't/won't have to suck it in later" is a dieting/exercise saying that has been printed on many images. "Suck it up" means to work now (through…
“How do you protect a valuable instrument?”/“Hide it in an accordion case.”
An accordion riddle is: Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument?A: Hide it in an accordion case. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1999. 4 September 1999, Great Falls (MT)…
“Never throw in the towel. Use it to wipe off the sweat. Then keep on going”
"You have a choice. You can throw in the towel or you can use it to wipe the sweat off your face (and keep going)" is a motivational exercise saying that has been printed on many images.…
“You can throw in the towel or you can use it to wipe the sweat off your face”
"You have a choice. You can throw in the towel or you can use it to wipe the sweat off your face (and keep going)" is a motivational exercise saying that has been printed on many images.…
“You are not fat. You have fat. ‘Fat’ does not define you”
"You are not fat. You have fat" is a dieting/exercise saying that has been printed on many images. "I hate it what I hear women say I am fat' no, no, NO! You are not fat, you…
“You are not fat. You have fat. You also have toes. You are not toes”
"You are not fat. You have fat" is a dieting/exercise saying that has been printed on many images. "I hate it what I hear women say I am fat' no, no, NO! You are not fat, you…
“You are not fat. You have fat. You also have fingernails. You are not fingernails”
"You are not fat. You have fat" is a dieting/exercise saying that has been printed on many images. "I hate it what I hear women say I am fat' no, no, NO! You are not fat, you…
“You are not fat. You have fat. There is a difference”
"You are not fat. You have fat" is a dieting/exercise saying that has been printed on many images. "I hate it what I hear women say I am fat' no, no, NO! You are not fat, you…
“Let exercise be your stress reliever, not food”
"Let exercise be your stress reliever, not food" (or "Let exercise be your stress relief, not food") is an exercise saying that has been printed on many images. "Let…
“Let exercise be your stress relief, not food”
"Let exercise be your stress relief, not food" (or "Let exercise be your stress reliever, not food") is an exercise saying that has been printed on many images. "Let…
“Another fine day ruined by responsibility”
"Another fine day ruined by responsibility" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is craving days of irresponsibility -- perhaps a youthful time without…