“Republicans vote on Tuesday, Democrats vote on Wednesday” (joke)
U.S. presidential elections are held the first Tuesday in November. A joke has voters being told that "Republicans vote on Tuesday, Democrats vote on Wednesday," or "Democrats vote…
Archive for 06/2018
“There’s a reason the windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror”
"There's a reason the windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror. Where you're going is better than where you were" is a saying that has been printed on many images.…
“She’s always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower”
Many people's ancestors arrived on the Mayflower ship that landed in America in 1620. There was no ship called the "Juneflower," but there are jokes. "I'm always late. My…
“What did the monkey say after he got his tail in a lawn mower?”/“It won’t be long now.”
The are several puns about a monkey and its tail. "'That ends my tale,' said the monkey as he backed into the lawnmower" was printed in the Binghamton (NY) Press and Leader on…
“I’m always late. My ancestors arrived on the Juneflower”
Many people's ancestors arrived on the Mayflower ship that landed in America in 1620. There was no ship called the "Juneflower," but there are jokes. "I'm always late. My…
“What did the monkey say after he got his tail in a revolving door?”/“It won’t be long now.”
A revolving door riddle is: Q: What did the monkey say after he got his tail caught in a revolving door?A: "It won't be long now." "What did the monkey say when he caught his…
“Knowledge is knowing that Frankenstein is not the monster. Wisdom is knowing that Frankenstein is”
Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus (1818), a novel written by English author Mary Shelley (1797–1851), is named after the character of scientist Victor Frankenstein. The monster he brings to…
“What do call something that is average at making egg whites?”/“A medi-yolker.”
"Medi-yolker" sounds like an egg version of the word "mediocre." "These eggs are medi-yolker at but omelet it slide for now because I am hungry" was posted on Twitter…
“When it rains, look for rainbows. When it’s dark, look for stars”
"When it rains, look for rainbows. When it’s dark, look for (the) stars" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. "When it rains look for the rainbow...…
“When my friend mixed onions with nitrous oxide, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry”
Slicing onions makes people cry. Nitrous oxide (laughing gas) makes people laugh. "I've been breathing nitrous oxide while chopping onions. I don't know whether to laugh or cry"…
“If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fly into space”
"If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall…
“Female wanted; must have your own pub. Apply with inn”
Many want-ads say "apply within." "Friend reqired for drink fun: Apply with Inn" is a joke that was posted on Twitter on August 20, 2010. A joke included in Jokes for Blokes:…
“What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?”/“Camembert.”
"Camembert" cheese sound a little like "come on, bear." A riddle is: Q: What’s the best cheese to lure a bear out of a cave?A: Camembert. "He also told me this, what…
“Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them”
"Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was printed on a jocular 2003 demotivational image from…
“If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off”
"If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall…
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure”
"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure" (or "I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure") is a saying that has been printed on many images. The…
“Sales go up and down. Service stays forever”
"Sales go up and down. Service stays forever" is a business saying that has been printed on many images. ""Sales go up and down. Service stays forever." -Jason Goldberg…
“What’s the best cheese to lure a bear out of a cave?”/“Camembert.”
"Camembert" cheese sound a little like "come on, bear." A riddle is: Q: What’s the best cheese to lure a bear out of a cave?A: Camembert. "He also told me this, what…
“Let your smile change the world, but don’t let the world change your smile”
"Let your smile change the world, but don't let the world change your smile" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. American YouTuber…
“If you don’t like being a doormat, then get off the floor”
"If you don't like being a doormat, then get off the floor" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been used by Al-Anon since at least October…