“Sorry boss, I can’t come in today. I have a wee cough” (joke)
"A week off" sounds like "a wee cough." "OUR DAILY SONG HIT: 'I Have a Wee Cough, So I'll Take a Week Off'" was printed in a 1924 newspaper.…
Archive for 03/2018
“When does an astronaut eat?”/“At launch time.”
An astronaut riddle is: Q: When does an astronaut eat?A: At launch time. "Launch" sounds a little bit like "lunch." The joke has been cited in print since at least 1965 and…
“Why are origami artists bad at poker?”/“They always fold.”
Origami is the art of paper folding. It has nothing to do with folding in the game of poker, but there have been puns. "Never play poker with origami makers; they always fold" was posted…
“My boss told me time is money. I don’t buy that for a second”
"Time is money" is a proverb that was popularized by Benjamin Franklin (1705-1790). A joke was posted by Steven W Skinner on Twitter on January 18, 2016: "People say time is money-…
“Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness”
"Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness" is a one-line inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. "'Having a soft heart in a cruel world…
“What do you call a radio that exercises?”/“Radioactive.”
The word "radioactive" doesn't mean a radio that exercises and goes to the gym, but there are puns. "What do you call a radio that runs a lot?Radioactive" was posted on…
“If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, he would be your fed ex”
The FedEx Corporation is an American multinational courier delivery services company. It is not owned by the U.S. federal government, but a joke was posted on Twitter on April 30, 2014: "Lame…
Dumbest Organization Ever (Department of Education nickname)
New York City's WABC talk radio host Curtis Sliwa announced, on March 5, 2018, that the New York City Department of Education (DOE) had a new chancellor. Sliwa, no fan of the DOE, said:…
“We fear rejection, want attention, crave affection, and dream of perfection”
"We fear rejection, want attention, crave affection, and dream of perfection" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on September 9,…
Second Line; Second Liner; Second Lining
The "second line" -- especially in New Orleans and in other places as well -- follows the regular band at parades and funerals, and follows the tune by clapping along, dancing or playing…
“I just pead on the table” (pea joke)
A person who eats peas often sees at least one pea roll away from the dish onto the dining table. "I've just pead the table!" -- a pun on peeing on the table -- is a popular joke.…
“Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?”/“Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Polyunsaturated fatPolyunsaturated fats are lipids in which the constituent hydrocarbon chain possesses two or more carbon–carbon double bonds.…
“Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?”/“Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Polyunsaturated fatPolyunsaturated fats are lipids in which the constituent hydrocarbon chain possesses two or more carbon–carbon double bonds.…
“Somebody broke into my house yesterday and stole all my lamps. I was delighted”
"Somebody broke into my house yesterday and stole all my lamps. I was delighted" is a jocular saying. "What happened to the electrian when the power went out? He was…
“‘I could watch him play video games for hours,’ said no one’s wife, ever”
A man playing video games is usually not a part of a romantic relationship. "'I could watch him play video games for hours,' said no one’s wife, ever" is a jocular line that…
“Checking Facebook is like checking your underwear after a fart. There’s most likely nothing new…”
"Checking Facebook is like checking your underwear after a fart. There's most likely nothing new and if there is, it's probably shit" is a Facebook joke that has been printed on…
“What do you call a radio that exercises?”/“Radioactive.”
The word "radioactive" doesn't mean a radio that exercises and goes to the gym, but there are puns. "What do you call a radio that runs a lot?Radioactive" was posted on…
“Apparently it takes men longer to shop on the internet than at an actual store”
The internet has a lot of pornography. A joke has been cited in print since at least 2011: "Apparently it takes men longer to shop on the Internet than at an actual store –- but that's…
“What do Spanish clocks say?”/“Tick taco.”
A clock is said to go "tick-tock." A clock riddle is: Q: What do Spanish clocks say?A: Tick taco. The "Spanish clock" joke was posted on Twitter on July 3, 2017. "Tick…
“Movies are the one time you don’t want front row seats”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterSnapC: isaidfawkyou@isaidfawkyouRT @AYEboogie_MARS: RT @ThatNigguhRay: Movies...The Only Place You Don't Want Front Row Seats10:21 PM - 16 Sep 2011…