“I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work”
"I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work" is a jocular line that has been printed on many images. "I keep pushing the 'home'…
Archive for 02/2018
“I do marathons (on Netflix)”
Not every "marathon" involves running 26.2 miles. "I do marathons (on Netflix)" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "Darling son just told me…
“Police have arrested the world tongue-twister champion. I imagine he’ll be given a tough sentence”
Criminals are given a "sentence." "Did you hear about the Tongue Twister Champion who was arrested last week? He's expecting a tough sentence" is a pun that was posted on…
Little Easy (Oxford, Mississippi nickname)
New Orleans, Louisiana has been called the "Big Easy" since the 1960s. Oxford, Mississippi has been called the "Little Easy" since the 1990s. Ron Shapiro, who ran the Hoka…
“College is a constant struggle of if I should eat, sleep, cry, study, or workout”
A saying about college was posted on Twitter by zoey on January 23, 2018: "College is a constant struggle of if I should eat, sleep, cry, study, or workout." The saying received many…
“My diet today: 1% real food, 99% Halloween candy”
"My diet today: 1% real food, 99% Halloween candy" -- a jocular expression after Halloween trick-or-treating -- is a one-line saying that has been printed on several images. "My diet…
“I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think ‘I’d tap that’”
"I'd tap that" is a sexual saying; it has nothing to do with tap dancing, but there have been jokes. "I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think…
“It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies…”
Olaf Falafel, the self-proclaimed "Sweden's eighth funniest comedian," said this line at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in August 2016: "It all starts innocently, mixing…
“Please be patient. I’m screwing things up as fast as I can”
"Please be patient. I'm screwing things up as fast as I can" is a jocular one-line work saying that has been printed on several images. "Hey guys..please be patient. I'm…
“My thighs are so sexy, they can’t stop touching each other”
"My thighs are so sexy, they can't stop touching each other" -- that is, one is pleasingly plump -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "My thighs are so…
“An X-ray specialist married one of his patients. Everybody wondered what he saw in her”
A medical joke about an X-ray technician is: "Did you hear about the X-ray technician who married one of his patients? Everybody wondered what he saw in her." A form of the joke has been…
“I’m not running away from hard work. I’m too lazy to run”
"I'm not running away from hard work. I'm too lazy to run" (or "I don't run away from hard work. I'm too lazy to run") is a saying that has been printed on…
“I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays”
"I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays" -- basically, most of a regular work week -- is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images.…
“A bra walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A bra version is: "A bra walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says,…
“It wasn’t school John disliked, it was just the principal of it”
"Principal" and "principle" are often confused. A joke was published in Life (a New York City humor magazine) on February 4, 1926, and was frequently reprinted in newspapers:…
“My wife asked me, ‘Did you eat my chocolate in the cupboard?’” (joke)
A chocolate joke (sometimes told on Valentine's Day) was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia_Feed on March 21, 2012: "My wife asked me, 'Did you eat my chocolate in the…
“A bra and a set of jumper leads walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A bra version is: "A bra walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says,…
“A man promised his girlfriend a diamond for Valentine’s Day. So he took her to a baseball park”
A Valentine's Day joke is: "A man promised his girlfriend a diamond for Valentine's Day. So he took her to a baseball park." February 14th is not baseball season -- not even…
“What’s a cat’s favorite button on the TV remote control?”/“Pause.”
A cat riddle has been printed on several images: Q: What's a cat's favorite button on the TV remote control?A: Pause (paws). The "pause"/"paws' pun has been cited in…
“Weddings are basically funerals with cake”
A anti-romantic cake version of the "Roses are red..." poem is: "Roses are dead/lame/red.Love is fake.Weddings are basicallyfunerals with cake." "Weddings are like funerals…