“You’re never too old to learn something stupid”
"You're never too old to learn something stupid" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. Brooklyn humorist Sam Levenson (1911-1980) used the line since at…
Archive for 01/2018
“You can also do work the day after tomorrow. Be lazy. Think crazy”
"Be Lazy. Think crazy" is a saying that has been printed on many images. It's another version of the old saying, "Choose a lazy person to do a hard job because that person will…
“Some folks exercise their right to vote. I vote my right to not exercise”
"Exercising" a right to vote is not physically exercising, but a joke was posted on Twitter in October 26, 2016: "Some folks exercise their right to vote. I vote my right to not…
“I can hear Monday morning already whispering ‘Go fuck yourself’ into my ear”
"I can hear Monday morning already whispering 'Go fuck yourself' into my ear" is a jocular Monday work saying that has been printed on many images. "I can already hear…
BTFGS (Buy The Fucking Government Shutdown)
"BTFD" (Buy The Fucking Dip) dates from 2010; investors should buy stocks when the price dips because it will go back up. The financial blog Zero Hedge popularized a new term with the…
“Our Lager, which art in barrels, hallowed be thy drink…”
"The Beer Prayer" -- a beer version of "The Lord's Prayer" -- has been printed on many images. The beer prayer was posted in newsgroups in October 1997 and opens: "Our…
“What’s the difference between a hockey game and a high school reunion?” (joke)
A ribald riddle is: Q: What's the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?A: At a hockey game, you see fast pucks. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.support.divorce…
“What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of socks?”/“Arrrrgyle.”
A pirate riddle (popular on International Talk Like a Pirate Day on September 19th) is: Q: What's a pirate's favorite kind of socks?A: Arrrrgyle. The pirate joke was posted on the…
Spaghetti Bollock-Knees (Spaghetti Bolognese)
"Spaghetti Bollock-Knees" is a jocular way to say "Spaghetti Bolognese." "#cannibalmenu spaghetti bollock-knees" was posted on Twitter on February 20, 2010. "On…
“What’s the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?” (joke)
Golfers are notorious about lying on their golf scores. Fishermen are notorious about lying about the size of a fish that was either caught or that got away. "The difference between a…
“Is chicken soup good for your health?”/“Not if you’re the chicken!”
A chicken soup joke is: Q: Is chicken soup good for your health?A: Not if you're a chicken! The joke has been cited in print since at least 1996. Google BooksThe Little Giant Book of RiddlesBy…
“What’s the difference between a high school reunion and a hockey game? (joke)
A ribald riddle is: Q: What's the difference between a High School reunion and a hockey game?A: At a hockey game, you see fast pucks. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.support.divorce…
“Two oranges walk into a bar…” (joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." An orange version is: "Two oranges walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says,…
“Welcome to Chocoholics Anonymous. Would anyone like to pick a Topic?”
"Topic" is a chocolate bar made by Mars, Incorporated and sold in Europe. "Pick a topic any topic and i'll be ready in an hour! hmmm topic, nuts and chocolate!" was posted…
“Why does Superman hate trading Bitcoin after 7 p.m.?”/“Because it’s Crypto-night.”
The fictional comic superhero Superman has a weakness regarding Kryptonite; Bitcoin is a cryptocurrency. "Bitcoin is cryptonite superman!" was posted on Twitter on August 18, 2014.…
“What do you call a group of pirate ships?”/“An Arrrrrmada!”
A pirate riddle is: Q: What do you call a group of pirate ships?A: An Arrrrrmada. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2007. tapatalkreally stoopid/lame jokesnivek03 Dec 2007, 13:34…
“Please send an ambulance to 28 Eucalyptus Street” (joke)
A joke describes an accident, and a survivor calling 911 to send an ambulance right away. "Where is the address?" the operator asks. "28 Eucalyptus Street [or another complicated…
“What did the chicken do when she saw a bucket of fried chicken?”/“She kicked the bucket!”
A chicken riddle is: Q: What did the chicken do when she saw a bucket of fried chicken?A: She kicked the bucket! To "kick the bucket" means to die. The joke was posted on the newsgroup…
“Why did the chicken end up in the soup?”/“Because it ran out of cluck.”
A chicken riddle is: Q: Why did the chicken end up in the soup?A: Because it ran out of cluck. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.support.trauma-ptsd on February 13, 2002. Google Groups:…
“Media: Scientist claims ‘Findings are meaningless’” (joke)
The media often take things out of context. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on January 21, 2018: Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."Media: Scientist…