“You should get an employee discount for using self-checkout in a store”
"You should get an employee discount for using self-checkout in a store" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "If I use self checkout at home depot shouldn't I…
Archive for 08/2017
“As I get older, I remember all the people I’ve lost. Maybe a tour guide career wasn’t for me”
A jocular line about being a tour guide was posted on Twitter by Brynnester™ on August 11, 2017: "As I get older and I remember all the people I've lost along the way I think to…
“The American flag on the moon has turned white. It’s now a French flag”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Reddit -- JokesThe American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiationsubmitted August 17, 2017 by BrokeBorkLensarNow it looks like the French landed on the moon
“Any guy who plays heavy metal at work is office rocker”
"Off his rocker" (meaning a crazy person) sounds like "office rocker." "My boss traded in his desk chair for a recliner & became addicted to playing 'Guitar…
“New York strip—how does a steak get a dance name?”
A "New York strip steak" has nothing to do with a New York strip club (although some clubs serve the steak), but there are jokes. "When I'm in a steak house I order the NY…
“What’s the difference between EA and North Korea?” (gaming joke)
Electronic Arts Inc. (EA) is an American video game company, and many gamers have criticized its product launches. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 18, 2017: Q: What's the…
“Watermelon is 50% water and 50% melon”
The word "watermelon" is 50% water and 50% melon. However, a watermelon is actually about 90% water. "Watermelon: 50% water 50% melon" was posted on Twitter on June 27, 2010.…
“I felt bad, but then I installed a new version of office. It improved my outlook”
Entry in progress -- B.P.: Wikipedia: Microsoft OfficeMicrosoft Office is an office suite of applications, servers, and services developed by Microsoft. It was first announced by Bill Gates on 1…
“I don’t see why there aren’t marches against fat shaming…” (joke)
A joke about marches -- and fat people -- was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on August 19, 2017: "I don't see why in this day and age there aren't marches against fat shaming. Because…
“What’s a KKK member’s favorite donut?”/“White powder.”
A Ku Klux Klan (KKK) joke is that its members favor "white powder" donuts. "Propaganda editors at both Dunkin' Donuts and the KKK are perpetually nervous about the phrase…
“A nap is just a shortcut to your next meal”
The wait between meals seems shorter when one goes to sleep. A quote was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on August 16, 2017: "A nap is just a shortcut to your next meal." Reddit --…
“I hate when people don’t watch where I’m going when I’m walking and texting”
People often walk while texting, but don't pay attention to where they're walking. "I hate when people don't watch where I'm going when I'm walking and I'm…
“The ladder to success” (joke)
The word "success" sounds like "suck Cess." A bawdy joke has a person climb the "ladder to success," only to find a person at the top say, "I'm Cess."…
“I hate when you get hit by a car while walking down the street and texting and the car is parked”
People often walk while texting, but don't pay attention to where they're walking. Joel@joeljeffrey posted on Twitter on August 4, 2017: "I hate when you get hit by a car while…
“What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey?” (joke)
Onions frequently make people cry. A classic riddle is: Q: What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey?A: Most times you get an onion with big ears, but once in a great while you'll…
“Keep your friends close and your wine glass closer”
"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" is a famous line from the film The Godfather, Part II (1974). "Keep your friends close and your wine glass closer" is a…
“What do you call an eternity?”/“Four blondes in four cars at a four way stop.”
A popular "dumb blonde" joke is: Q: What do you call eternity?A: Four blondes in four cars at a four way stop. The joke was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on March 30, 1994. Google…
“What’s a teddy bear’s favorite pasta?”/“Tagliateddy.”
A pun on "tagliatelle" pasta is: Q: What's a teddy bear's favorite pasta?A: Tagliateddy. The joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.happy.valley on January 12, 2002. Wikipedia:…
“If your boss refuses to pay you more money, no problem. Just accuse them of raise-ism”
"Raise-ism" sounds a bit like "racism." "And asking for a raise is raiseism" was posted on Twitter on May 9, 2014. A work joke was posted on Twitter by LaffGaff on…
“85% of the Internet considers themselves an introvert and they are all outspoken about it”
Many people who use the internet are introverts -- and they tell everyone about it. A saying was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on August 15, 2017: "85% of the Internet considers…