“One day I want to be ‘Let’s Just Take My Helicopter’ rich”
"One day I want to be 'Let’s Just Take My Helicopter' rich" is a jocular saying about wealth that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter on…
Archive for 07/2017
“What kind of money do they use in space?”/“Starbucks.”
An obvious joke on the name of Starbucks (an American coffee company and coffeehouse chain) is: Q: What kind of money do they use in space?A: Starbucks. The joke was posted on Twitter on November…
“I like my coffee like I like my slaves. Free”
"I like my women like I like my coffee" is a meme that has been used on many images. "A Negro comedian pulled this one: 'I like my coffee strong and black -- the same way I like…
Neoconette
A "neoconette" is a female "neocon" (neoconservative). Neocons can be both male and female, so the term "neoconette" is a somewhat jocular usage.…
“What kind of currency do astronauts use in space?”/“Starbucks.”
An obvious joke on the name of Starbucks (an American coffee company and coffeehouse chain) is: Q: What kind of money do they use in space?A: Starbucks. The joke was posted on Twitter on November…
“Steal a news van. It’s the perfect crime. How will they ever report it?”
"We’re stealing a news van! It’s the perfect crime! How will they ever report it?" is a line from the American animated sitcom King of the Hill, the "Gone with the…
“Whenever my wife packs me salad for lunch, all I wanna know is what I did wrong”
"Whenever my wife packs me salad for lunch, all I wanna know is what I did wrong" is a jocular line from someone who wants something more filling than salad. The saying was posted on…
“Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was ‘reduced fat’ so it was basically like going to the gym”
"Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was 'reduced fat' so it was basically like going to the gym" is a jocular line that has been printed on several images. The saying was…
“A house isn’t a home unless there’s wifi”
"A house isn't a home unless there's wifi" is a saying that has been printed in several images. The saying was posted on Twitter on July 6, 2012. Wikipedia: Wi-FiWi-Fi or WiFi…
“Whiskey: The nighttime sniffling sneezing, how the hell did I end up on the kitchen floor medicine”
Vicks NyQuil (a cold medicine) has long had the advertising slogan, "The Nighttime Sniffling Sneezing Coughing Aching Stuffy Head Fever So You Can Rest Medicine." Alcohol (usually…
“Paper or plastic for my French bread? I don’t care. Just baguette”
"Baguette" sounds a bit like "bag it." A pun is: "Paper or plastic for my French bread? I don't care. Just baguette." "Also french? here is a joke: French…
“My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me. Jerks”
"My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me. Jerks" is a jocular saying about missing Tupperware lids and socks that has been printed on several images.…
“How many beers does it take for tropical birds to get drunk?”/“Toucans.”
The "toucan" bird has been the subject of many "two can" puns. "Q: How many tropical birds does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Toucan" was posted on the newsgroup…
“Mississippi: “What has four eyes and cannot see?”/“Mississippi.”
"Mississippi" (state and river) has four "I's" (eyes). "Four eyes" is also a term for someone who wears glasses. "An infant says the Mississippi is always…
“Doctor: Don’t eat anything fatty” (joke)
A popular fat joke is: DOCTOR: Don't eat anything fattyME: What!? No pizza? No burgers?DOCTOR: No fatty, just don't eat. "My doctor told me I couldn't eat anything too fatty,…
“Why don’t you tell me when you orgasm?”/“I don’t like to call you at work.”
A joke about not calling someone at work is in this husband-wife exchange: HUSBAND: Why don't you tell me when you orgasm?WIFE: I would, but you said not to call you at work. The joke was…
“Google + Wikipedia = Homework”
"Google + Wikipedia = Homework" is a popular saying about the leading internet search engine and the leading internet encyclopedia that has been printed on many images. "Google ->…
“When I’m at work it’s sunny and nice, after work, cold and raining”
Sometimes it seems that good weather is wasted when one is working. "When I'm at work it's sunny and nice, after work, cold and raining" was posted on Twitter by FUNNY TWEETS on…
“If homework is to read something, there is no homework”
If students are assigned to read something for homework, they often don't read it. "If the homework is to revise or read something then there is no homework" was posted on…
“How do you begin a politically incorrect joke?”/“President Ben Franklin walks into a bar…”
Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) was a founding father, but he never became president. A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on July 6, 2017: Q: How do you begin a politically incorrect joke?A:…