“I want to live with the NY Jets. They don’t beat anybody”
A classic sports joke about a losing team (insert any team's name) has a judge deciding custody in a divorce proceeding. The child says that both his father and his mother beat him.…
Archive for 02/2017
“I forgot to post on Facebook that I was going to the gym. Now my entire workout is a waste of time”
“I forgot to post on Facebook that I was going to the gym. Now this entire workout was a waste of time!” is a joke about many people's Facebook obsession that has been printed on many…
“There are so many scams on the Internet. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them”
"There are so many scams on the Internet now-a-days. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "There’s no…
“Bae = bacon and eggs”
"Bae" is short for "babe" or "baby." "Bae = bacon and eggs" is a joke definition (a back acronym or "backronym") that has been printed on many…
“I forgot to post on Facebook that I was going to the gym. Now my entire workout is a waste of time”
“I forgot to post on Facebook that I was going to the gym. Now this entire workout was a waste of time!” is a joke about many people's Facebook obsession that has been printed on many…
“You know those orange cones they put on the highway? I just beat my high score”
"You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down. I just beat my high score" is a joke that has been printed on many images. The "traffic cone" joke…
“Tornado warning in central Texas! Everyone head to Cowboys Stadium. No chance of a touchdown there”
A joke about the Dallas Cowboys football team is: "Tornado warning in central Texas! Everyone head to the Cowboys stadium...no chance of a touchdown there." The joke was posted on Twitter…
“Weight should be like virginity. Once you lose it, you can’t get it back”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Twitter ✨αli ✨@CaramelBelle_Haha this -> RT @EmanNafisa_x3: Weight should be like your virginity: once you lose it, you don't get it back. (; #amen…
“Can you turn on the oven?”/“The oven simply does not find me sexually attractive.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterAta Dirilgen@Ata_DirilgenText from my mom: Can you turn on the oven?My answer: I've done everything I can, the oven just doesnt find me sexually…
“Of course size matters. No one likes a small pizza”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Twittersalt&light@kdubbdawgSize matters...Cause I don't want a small pizza I want a large one.7:51 PM - 18 Feb 2012 TwitterSparky@crunchenhancedSize…
“Reasons to get out of bed: food”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterPeter Nehem@Peter_Nehem@ibod8x5 Food is always a good reason to get out of bed .3:17 PM - 25 Dec 2008 TwitterRegina@elletriceVanilla and amaretto. Food is the…
“Running away doesn’t help you with your problems, unless you’re fat. Then yeah, run”
"Running away doesn't help you with your problems, unless you're fat. Then yeah, run" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Running away doesn't help you…
“Whenever I go running, I meet new people…like paramedics”
"Whenever I go running, I meet new people...like paramedics" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "EVERY TIME I JOG, I MEET NEW PEOPLE. OF COURSE, THEY'RE…
“I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert”
Many people stop the microwave with one second left and take their food out; this makes them feel like a bomb defusal/disposal expert. "I like to stop the microwave when it gets to one second.…
“A big shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets”
"A big shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets" is a jocular line that has been printed on many images. "Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the…
“Why do pirates make great lawyers?”/“Because they’re very skilled at arrrrrguing.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterMikey Henderson@fiddlermikey#TLAPD @5EH Why do pirates make good lawyers? Because they love to ARRRgue9:26 PM - 6 Aug 2009 TwitterRyan in…
“A cop pulled me over and said, ‘Papers.’ So I said, ‘Scissors, I win!’ and drove off”
Officers who ask for "papers" aren't interested in playing rock-paper-scissors,", but there's a joke: "A cop pulled me over and said, 'Papers.' So I said,…
“A mummy covered in chocolate & nuts has been discovered. Archaeologists believe it’s Pharaoh Roche”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Ferrero RocherFerrero Rocher is a spherical chocolate produced by the Italian chocolatier Ferrero SpA. HistoryThe Ferrero Rocher was introduced in 1982 in…
“Horse meat burgers won’t be around furlong”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterJon Dunn@cromercanary@blackratgreen Best thing to do is nag the buyers at your local Tesco - the offending burgers won't be around furlong.That's the mane…
“I saw a pasta driving a piece of yellow fruit. Spaghetti in a car banana”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: CarbonaraCarbonara (Italian: [karboˈnaːra]) is an Italian pasta dish from Rome made with eggs, cheese (Pecorino Romano or Parmigiano-Reggiano), bacon…