“A problem is a chance for you to do your best”
"A problem is a chance for you to do your best" is a saying that has been credited (since at least 1984) to American composer and bandleader Duke Ellington (1899-1974). The attribution…
Archive for 03/2016
“Two vampires walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A vampire version is: "Two vampires walk into a bar. 'I'll have a pint of…
“Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?”/“Because he was sitting on the deck.”
There's a joke about a deck of cards and a ship's deck: Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards?A: Because he was sitting on the deck. "We have lots of singing and reading, but…
“Knock, knock.”/“Who’s there?”/“Cash.”/“Cash who?”
A knock-knock joke involving cash (and cashews) is: Knock, knock.Who's there?Cash.Cash who?What are you, some kind of nut? The joke has been cited in print since at least 1970. 13 December…
“How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?”/“You take away its tiny brooms.”
Bacon curls in the frying pan. This has nothing to do with the sport of curling, but there is a joke: Q: How do you stop bacon from curling in the frying pan?A: You take away its tiny brooms! The…
“What did the sushi say to the bee?”/“Wasabi.”
A popular pun involving the word "wasabi" is: Q: What did the sushi say to be bee?A: Wasabi (What's up, bee). The joke has been cited in print since at least 2007. Wikipedia:…
“How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?”/“You take away its tiny brooms.”
Bacon curls in the frying pan. This has nothing to do with the sport of curling, but there is a joke: Q: How do you stop bacon from curling in the frying pan?A: You take away its tiny brooms! The…
“What clothes does a house wear?”/“Address.”
A pun about a house is: Q: What clothes does a house wear?A: Address (a dress). The joke has been cited in print since at least 1984. "Does a house wear a coat of paint 'cause it's…
“Who earns a living by driving customers away?”/“A taxi driver.”
A transportation riddle is: Q: Who earns a living by driving customers away?A: A taxi driver. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1955. 4 December 1955, South China Sunday Post-Herald…
“What kind of school does a carpenter go to?”/“Boarding school.”
"Boarding school" is the subject of an obvious pun: Q: What kind of school does a carpenter go to?A: Boarding school. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2003. “Flight…
“Humans eat more bananas than monkeys” (joke)
People eat more bananas than monkeys. Rab Livingstone tweeted on March 2, 2015: "People in the UK eat more bananas than monkeys. In 2014 they ate 73,432,384 bananas and only 6 monkeys." A…
“How do bees get to school?”/“On the school buzz.”
A popular children's pun about school is: Q: How do bees get to school? A: By school buzz! The children's joke has been cited in print since at least 1992. 15 June 1992, Indiana (PA)…
“Why did the student bring scissors to school?”/“He wanted to cut class.”
One children's pun about school is: Q: Why did the student bring scissors to school?A: He wanted to cut class. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2005. 2 February 2005, Los…
“Why did the child study in the airplane?”/“He wanted a higher education.”
A joke was told about "higher education: in 1991: Q: Why did the little moron take a ladder to school?A: He wanted to get a higher education! The "ladder" was changed to an…
“There was an explosion at the cheese factory. De brie was everywhere”
A popular cheese pun involving brie is: "There was an explosion at the cheese factory. De Brie was everywhere." "And in stumbled right into the cheese minefield. Brie…
“Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated”
"Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. Texas minister Mike Murdock used "Go where you're celebrated, not…
“If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, don’t ask what seat. Just get on”
Sheryl Sandberg, an American technology executive with Google and then Facebook, spoke before the graduating class of Harvard Business School in May 2012. She said of her taking interview with…
“A year from now you will wish you had started today”
"A year from now you will wish you had started today" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been credited to American author Karen Lamb since at…
“Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you’re scared to death”
The syndicated newspaper entertainment columnist Earl Wilson (1907-1987) wrote in March 1977: "REMEMBERED QUOTE: 'Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to…
“What exercise did Jesus do?”/“CrossFit.”
CrossFit is a fitness program that was founded in 2000. An obvious joke is: Q: What exercise did Jesus do?A: CrossFit. "Where did jesus work out? Crossfit" was cited on Twitter on…