“Why couldn’t the fish go shopping?”/“It didn’t have anemone.”
"Anemone" sounds like "any money," prompting the joke: Q: Why couldn't the clownfish afford a house?A: Because he didn't have anemone. The joke was cited on Twitter on…
Archive for 03/2016
“What has a head and a tail, but no body?”/“A coin.”
A popular riddle is: Q: What has a head and a tail, but no body?A: A coin. The riddle was cited in print in 1918 and published in many newspapers in 1940. 10 March 1918, The Daily Nonpareil…
“Knock, knock.”/“Who’s there?”/“Cash.”/“Cash who?”
A knock-knock joke involving cash (and cashews) is: "Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Cash.""Cash who?""What are you, some kind of nut?" The joke…
“Where can you see a man-eating fish?”/“In a restaurant.”
A "man-eating fish" is quite different from a "man eating fish." There's a joke: Q: Where's the best place to see a man-eating fish?A: A seafood restaurant. "And…
“A limbo dancer walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A limbo dancer version of the joke is: "A limbo dancer walked into a bar...and got…
“What goes up when the rain comes down?”/“An umbrella.”
A classic rain riddle was printed in The Independent (New York, NY) on November 12, 1891: Q: What goes up when rain comes down?A: Umbrellas. "What goes up when the rain comes down? An…
“What kind of shorts do clouds wear?”/“Thunderwear.”
A popular children's joke about the weather is: Q: What kind of shorts do clouds wear?A: Thunderwear. The "thunderwear" joke has been cited in print since at least 1990. The joke has…
“What do you call an everyday potato?”/“A commentator.”
The potato has a few "-tater" jokes, such as: Q: What do you call an everyday potato?A: A commentator. "Common-tater" was cited in print in 1991. "Definition of a…
“How do you make a hot dog stand?”/“Take away its chair.”
A joke about a hot dog stand is: Q: How do you make a hot dog stand?A: Take away its chair. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1980. "How do you make a bandstand?" is a…
“How are an apple and a lawyer alike?” (lawyer joke)
One lawyer joke is: Q: How are an apple and a lawyer alike?A: They both look good hanging from a tree. The lawyer joke has been cited in print from at least September 1998. Other versions of the…
“I’m not an alcoholic. I’m a bartender who works from home”
"I am not an unemployed alcoholic, I am a bartender who works from home" is a jocular line that was cited on Twitter by comedy wirter Richard Day on January 27, 2010. "I'm not…
Minnesota: North Star State (nickname)
Minnesota, a state along the northern border of the United States with Canada, is called the "North Star State." Polaris, called the "Pole Star" or the "North Star,"…
“Why are most New York Italians called Tony?” (joke)
Many Italian men are named "Tony." There's a politically incorrect joke: Q: Why are most Italian men called "Tony"?A: Because they were sent to Ellis Island with "To…
“What’s the worst vegetable to bring on a boat?”/“A leek.”
A children's food joke involving leeks -- which sounds like "leaks" -- is: Q: What's the worst vegetable to bring on a boat?A: A leek. The joke was cited in print in 1892 and…
“What’s the difference between a tick and a lawyer?” (lawyer joke)
A popular lawyer joke is: Q: What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A: The tick drops off when you're dead. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1994. Google Books…
“What’s the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?” (joke)
A New York Yankees baseball riddle is: Q: What's the difference between a New York Yankees fan and a dentist?A: One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. The joke has been…
“What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?” (lawyer joke)
A popular lawyer joke is: Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?A: A vampire only sucks blood at night. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1990. Google Groups:…
“Crime in New York is really serious. The Statue of Liberty had both hands up”
Comedian Jay Leno said on NBC's The Tonight Show in September 1990: "That crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up."…
“I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel”
A popular seafood pun is: "I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel." The "pulled a mussel/muscle" pun has been cited in print since at least 2003. Google…
“What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?”/“The lawyer charges more.”
One popular lawyer joke is: Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?A: The lawyer charges more. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1992. Google Groups:…