“A man walks into a bar and hears a voice say, ‘Nice tie!’” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A classic joke involves a man who walks into a bar, and he hears a voice say, "Nice…
Archive for 03/2016
“Life is like a bowl of soup. You only get blown if you’re hot”
"Life is just a bowl of cherries" is an old saying. A soup version is: "Life is like a bowl of soup. You only get blown if you are hot." The jocular saying has been printed on…
“What hotel do mice stay in?/“The Stilton.”
Stilton cheese (from the UK) is not related to the Hilton hotel change, but there's a cheese joke: Q: What hotel do mice stay in?A: The Stilton. The joke was cited on Twitter on January 11,…
“What hotel do mice stay in?/“The Stilton.”
Stilton cheese (from the UK) is not related to the Hilton hotel change, but there's a cheese joke: Q: What hotel do mice stay in?A: The Stilton. The joke was cited on Twitter on January 11,…
“I ate too much Middle Eastern food and now I falafel”
"Falafel" sounds like "feel awful," prompting the pun: "I ate too much Middle Eastern food and now I falafel." "Clever pun. Now I falafel" was cited in a…
“Why are there so many baseball autobiographies?”/“Because every pitcher tells a story.”
"Every picture tells a story" is an old saying that was popularized as the title of a 1971 rock song and album by Rod Stewart. There's a baseball pun: Q: Why are there so many…
“I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’” (joke)
One of the top ten jokes at the 2011 Edinburgh Comedy Awards was: "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting.' So we stopped playing…
“Government is sports for nerds”
"Politics is sports for nerds" was cited on Twitter on September 1, 2010. The expression was seldom used until NBO's Last Week Tonight with John Oliver said on March 6, 2016:…
“What’s the difference between an epileptic oyster fisherman and a hooker with diarrhea?” (joke)
An off-color spoonerism is: Q: What's the difference between an epileptic oyster fisherman and a hooker with diarrhea?A: The oyster fisherman shucks between fits, and ... The joke has been…
“A file folder walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." One version is: "A file folder walks into a bar, orders a drink and says,…
“Charles Dickens walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A version involving author Charles Dickens (1812-1870) and his novel Oliver Twist (1837-9)…
“What’s the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?” (joke)
"Chickpea" sounds like "chick pee," prompting the adult joke: Q: What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?"A: Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean…
“What is it called when you kill a chickpea?”/“Hummuside.”
A joke about Middle Eastern cuisine is: Q: What is it called when you kill a chickpea?A: Hummuside (homicide). "Hummuside" (hummus + homicide) has been cited on Twitter since April 22,…
“If two wrongs don’t make a right, what do two rights make?”/“An airplane.”
A popular aviation riddle about the Wright Brothers is: Q: If two wrongs don't make a right, what do two rights make?A: An airplane. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1969.…
“Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates. They’ll kill your dog”
“Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get" is a famous line from the movie Forrest Gump (1994). Many people love chocolate, but it can kill…
“What do you call a Communist sniper?”/“A Marxman.”
A popular Communist/Marxist pun is: Q: What do you call a Communist sniper?A: A Marxman (marksman). "What do you call a communist sniper? A marxman!" was cited on Twitter on February 28,…
“Why can’t Irishmen be lawyers?”/“They can never get past the bar.”
A popular Irish joke is: Q: Why can't Irishmen be lawyers?A: They can never get past the bar. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1999. “An Irishman walks out of a bar” is a…
New York State: Excelsior State (nickname)
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Coat of arms of New YorkThe coat of arms of the state of New York was formally adopted in 1778, and appears as a component of the state's flag and seal.…
“Poisoned coffee, n: Grounds for divorce”
A pun has it that "poisoned coffee is grounds for divorce." The joke has been cited in print since at least 1968. "Poisoned coffee, n.: Grounds for divorce" has been cited since…
“If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee”
"If you ever live in a community run by a committee, be on the committee" has been credited to American social scientist William Graham Sumner (1840-1910). It's uncertain when he…