“How do you know if there’s a lead singer outside your door?” (joke)
A classic joke is told about a singer (or a bad musician): Q: How do you know if there's a lead singer outside your door? A: You don't: She can't find the key and doesn't know…
Archive for 03/2015
“You should try anything once—except incest and folk dancing”
"You should try anything/everything once -- except incest and folk dancing" is a popular jocular saying of unknown authorship. "His hobby is to try anything once— except fretwork…
“What’s the difference between an orchestra and a bull?” (joke)
"What's the difference between an orchestra and a bull?" is an old joke told by many musicians. The answer is that the bull has horns in front and an asshole in the back. The joke…
“What’s a tuba for?” (joke)
"What's a tuba for?" is a classic tuba joke. "What's a tuba for? To blow into, or to make a house outa?" was cited in print in 1940. Wikipedia: 2X42x4, two-by-four, or…
“Cowards never start; the weak never finish; winners never quit”
"Cowards never start; the weak never finish; winners never quit" is a popular motivational slogan that has been printed on many posters. “The cowards never started and the weak died on…
“What’s the range of a tuba?” (joke)
A tuba has a limited musical range, so a popular tuba joke goes: Q. What's the range of a tuba? A. Twenty yards, if you've got a good arm. The joke has been cited in print since at least…
“What’s the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?” (joke)
Musicians often joke that some other instruments are always out of tune. A popular joke is: Q: What's the difference between an alto trombone and a chainsaw?A: You can tune the chainsaw. The…
“The meaning of peace is the absence of opposition to socialism”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Google BooksProgramming, Pitfalls and Puppy-Dog TalesBy Gyeorgos C. HatonnNevada: Phoenix Source Distributors, Inc.1993Pg. 96:KARL MARX said, "...the meaning of peace…
Honey Do List (“Honey, do this; honey, do that”)
A "honey do list" is a series of commands when a wife says to a husband, "Honey, do this" and "Honey, do that." The "honey-do" joke stems from the popularity…
“Why are orchestra intermissions limited to twenty minutes?” (joke)
A classic joke is said about orchestra intermissions: Q: Why are orchestra intermissions only twenty minutes long? A: So the violists don't need to be retrained. The joke has been cited in…
“How do you get a guitarist to turn down the volume?” (joke)
Can guitar players read music? A popular joke is: Q. How do you get a guitar player to play softer?A. Give him a sheet of music. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1992. Google Groups:…
“How late does the band play?” (joke)
Drummers often play to their own beat. A popular joke involves a bar customer who is listening to a jazz band: BAR CUSTOMER (to bartender): Hey buddy, how late does the band play?BARTENDER: Oh,…
“If it weren’t for Spring Forward and Fall Back, I’d never get any exercise at all”
"Spring Forward, Fall Back" is how people set clocks, but there is a joke: "If it weren't for Spring Forward and Fall Back, I'd never get any exercise at all."…
“No run, no fun” (fishing adage)
"No fun, no run" is a fishing adage that has been popular around Sydney, Australia. When the tide is running, the fun (for fishing enthusiasts) starts. "Another influencing factor…
“Move it or lose it” (exercise adage)
"Use it or lose it" is a proverb that dates to at least the 19th century. "Move it or lose it" is a popular exercise adage. If bone joints aren't moved, a person might lose…
“No run, no fun” (running adage)
"No run, no fun" is a running adage. It's no fun when a runner can't run (for physical or other reasons). "No run, no fun" was cited in luge in 1967, in football in…
“Hydrate to dominate”
"Hydrate to dominate" (or "hydrate 2 dominate") is a slogan to remind people -- especially athletes -- to drink more water. "Hydrate to dominate!" has been cited in…
“Good pitching will always stop good hitting, and vice versa”
"Good pitching will always beat good hitting" is a baseball proverb that has been cited in print since at least 1963. "Good pitching always stops good hitting...and vice versa"…
“How do you like school, Billy?”/“Closed.”
A joke was printed in the New York City humor magazine Judge in 1922: Kind Old Gentleman -- How do you like school, my little man?Little Man -- I like it closed, sir. The joke is still told today,…
The Village (airplane coach seating section)
Reader's Digest (November 2010) did a short article on airline lingo and included this definition: "Working the village: Working in coach." In 2014, one "flight attendant's…