“I could burn water” (i.e., I can’t cook)
A bad cook burns the food, but an epically bad cook "can burn water." "Cpl. Agarn (on the television comedy F-Troop -- ed.), who can burn water, becomes the troop cook, with…
Archive for 10/2014
“When you think, you stink” (sports adage)
"If/When you think, you stink" is a sports adage. A player should react naturally to what's going on in the game; if the player is thinking too much, then the player isn't…
“Real estate is a relationship business” (real estate adage)
"Real estate is a relationship business" is a popular real estate adage of unknown authorship. "And with senior Americans, real estate is a relationship business" was cited in…
Shit-in (“sit-in” for gender-neutral bathrooms)
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Sit-inA sit-in or sit-down is a form of direct action that involves one or more people occupying an area for a protest, often to promote political, social, or…
“Ask a basketball player for change of $1, get 75 cents back because no fourth quarter”
A regulation basketball game consists of four quarters. (Overtime is held if the score remains tied.) The fourth quarter is usually decisive, but some basketball stars are criticized for not…
Criminal News Network (CNN nickname)
The Cable News Network (CNN), a 24-hour cable news channel, was founded by Ted Turner and first broadcast on June 1, 1980. The unflattering CNN nickname of "Criminal News Network" has…
Peanutzi or Peanazi (peanut + Nazi)
"Peanutzi" or "peanazi" (peanut + Nazi) is a term-- similar to "feminazi" (feminist + Nazi) -- that describes a militant anti-peanut activist. Some people suffer from…
Communist Broadcasting Corporation (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation or CBC nickname)
The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) is a channel that is available on some cable systems in the United States. The CBC has been given the backronym (back acronym) of “Communist…
“Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies”
"Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies" (or "Nana never runs out of hugs or cookies") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as signs, T-shirts…
Bolts (Brooklyn FXFL football team)
The Brooklyn Bolts became one of four teams to open the Fall Experimental Football League (FXFL), a professional football minor league, in 2014. The team name of "Brooklyn Bolts" was…
Breakfast Test (journalism axiom)
Newspapers often apply a "breakfast test" -- can a person eating breakfast also read the newspaper without throwing up? The "breakfast test" means that overly graphic photos,…
Canadian Bullshit Corporation (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation or CBC nickname)
The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) is a channel that is available on some cable systems in the United States. The CBC has been given the backronym (back acronym) of “Canadian Bullshit…
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I will not read”
Many people don't read the small print of terms and conditions, simply accepting them and hoping for the best. A version of the Serenity Prayer was on Twitter by Shari VanderWerf on June 24,…
“A strong butt is the key to a happy life”
"A strong butt is the key to a happy life" is a catchphrase of Dr. Jordan Metzl of New York City's Hospital for Special Surgery. Metzl said in 2009 that "a strong butt is a…
“Two Jews, three opinions”
Jews often disagree with other Jews. "Two Jews three opinions" -- that is, if you ask two Jews about something, you';ll get three opinions -- is a popular saying. "Some one has…
“I look forward to paying off all of my debt, and finally getting back to just being broke”
"I look forward to paying off al of my debt, and finally getting back to just being broke" is a jocular line that began as an e-card and first appeared on Twitter on August 12, 2011. The…
“My new credit card has this awesome theft protection…” (joke)
"My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says 'declined' whenever you use it" is a jocular line that was cited on Twitter on May 13, 2012. "My…
“She said to kiss her where it smells bad, so I took her to New Jersey”
New Yorkers have jokes about New Jersey. One popular joke is: "A young couple were making out passionately in a car when the girl said, 'Oh, oh, kiss me where it smells so bad!" So…
“Cheap beer is like having sex in a canoe” (joke)
A classic joke is told about a cheap beer -- it's like having sex (or making love) in a canoe because it's "fucking close to water." The joke has been told since at least 1952…
“Autocorrect can be your worst enema”
"Autocorrect can be your worst enema" is a jocular line that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts and coffee mugs. "Sometimes autocorrect can be your worst…