“When I applied for shift work, I didn’t realize the ‘F’ was silent”
"Shift work" is sometimes called "shit work." "Shift Work... The 'f' Is Silent" was posted on Twitter by Gage Findlater on February 25, 2013. "When I…
Alphebetical for "w"
“When I asked a taxidermist what she did for a living, she replied with ‘You know, stuff’”
When asked what one does, "stuff" is a non-specific answer, but suppose one really does "stuff" for a living? "'Oh, you know, 'stuff'' ~ a taxidermist,…
“When I be late to work, I walk in fake mad”
If you're late for work, don't walk in with a smile on your face. Look angry or mad, as if the traffic, or a delayed bus or train, or something else held you back from that wonderful work…
“When I buy a pack of a dozen ribs, I only eat ribs 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11. I prefer prime ribs”
"Prime rib" has nothing to do with prime numbers, but there are jokes. "When I eat a rack of ribs I only eat ribs 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11. I prefer prime ribs" was posted on Reddit --…
“When I die, bury me in Chicago because I want to remain politically active”
Political humorist Mort Sahl's website lists a popular joke of his (referring to voter fraud in the 1960 presidential election): "I've arranged with my executor to be buried in…
“When I die, I want the Mets to be my pallbearers so they can let me down one last time”
"When I die, I want (X) to be my pallbearers so they can let me down one last time" is a popular meme on many images. That 'X" is often a sports player or sports team. "I…
“When I die, I want the people I did group projects with to lower me into my grave” (joke)
"When I die, I want (X) to be my pallbearers so they can let me down one last time" is a popular meme on many images. That 'X" is often a sports player or sports team. "I…
“When I do good I feel good and when I do bad I feel bad, and that’s my religion”
A quote about Abraham Lincoln's religion was recorded by William Henry Herndon (1818-1891), Lincoln's 20-year friend, law partner and biographer, in the book Herndon's Lincoln: The…
“When I dunk my cookies in my milk, I think of you (and hold them under until the bubbles stop)”
"What if when you dunk a cookie in milk and see bubbles come up it's the cookie trying to breathe and really you just drowned a cookie and you're a murderer" is a saying that…
“When I dunk my cookies, I pretend they are you and hold them under till the bubbles stop”
"What if when you dunk a cookie in milk and see bubbles come up it's the cookie trying to breathe and really you just drowned a cookie and you're a murderer" is a saying that…
“When I dunk my cookies, I think of you and hold them under until the bubbles stop”
"What if when you dunk a cookie in milk and see bubbles come up it's the cookie trying to breathe and really you just drowned a cookie and you're a murderer" is a saying that…
“When I eat at a restaurant, the waiter tips me”
"When [X] eats at a restaurant, the waiter/waitress tips him" is a joke said about several powerful people, including American martial artist and actor Chuck Norris and Dos Equis beer…
“When I eat at a restaurant, the waitress tips me”
"When [X] eats at a restaurant, the waiter/waitress tips him" is a joke said about several powerful people, including American martial artist and actor Chuck Norris and Dos Equis beer…
“When I exercise, I wear all black—it’s like a funeral for my fat”
"When I exercise I wear all black -- it's like a funeral for my fat" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many posters. "I wear all black to the gym cause its like a…
“When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog, like I’m a blackjack dealer”
"When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog, like I'm a blackjack dealer" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The dog is looking the some food.…
“When I found out my microwave wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked”
A jocular one-liner about a microwave oven is: "When I found out my microwave wasn't waterproof, I was shocked." The "shocking" pun was cited on Twitter on May 21, 2012.…
“When I found out my new toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked”
"When I found out my new toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on June 23, 2010. The joke probably originated on the…
“When I get my tax money, I’m cooking my ramen noodles in Fiji water”
"When I get my tax money, I'm cooking my ramen noodles in Fiji water" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Ramen noodles are what a poor person eats, while Fiji…
“When I get my taxes, I’m boiling my ramen noodles in Fiji water”
"When I get my tax money, I'm cooking my ramen noodles in Fiji water" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Ramen noodles are what a poor person eats, while Fiji…
“When I get younger, I’m going to be a time traveller”
"When I get younger i'm going to be a Time Traveller :)" was posted on Twitter by Tony547uk (and others) on October 13, 2011. Authorship of the joke is uncertain. "When I get…