“When Greek meets Greek, they open a restaurant”
"When Greek meets Greek, then comes the tug of war" refers to the wars of classical Greece; the saying dates to at least 1677. The Americanized version has had different endings.…
Alphebetical for "w"
“When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns”
"When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns" is a popular anti-gun control message. Under gun control, honest people who follow laws won't have guns, but criminals who…
“When Harry Potter lived under the stairs it was considered child abuse. But in New York it’s considered a $3800 studio apartment”
"When Harry Potter lived under the stairs it was considered child abuse. But in New York it's considered a $3800 studio apartment" -- also said about other places, and with other…
“When has a man a right to scold his wife about his coffee?”/“When he has sufficient grounds.”
A coffee riddle has been cited in print since at least 1851: Q: When has a man a right to scold his wife about his coffee?A: When he has sufficient grounds. This was made into a lawyer joke by at…
“When hell freezes over, I’ll play hockey there, too”
"When hell freezes over, I'll play hockey there, too" is a jocular saying that has been printed on posters and T-shirts. "Let hell freeze over...I'll play hockey there…
“When homeless people ask me for change, I tell them ‘change comes from within’”
"When a bum comes up to you (...) Tell him, 'Change comes from within, man..'" was posted on the newsgroup alt.religion.wicca on December 24, 1999. "When a homeless guy…
“When I accidentally bought the wrong type of bread, my day had gone a rye”
"A rye" is a frequent homophone for "awry." "My bread baking business has gone a rye" was posted on Twitter on August 9, 2011. A pun was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners…
“When I applied for shift work, I didn’t realize the ‘F’ was silent”
"Shift work" is sometimes called "shit work." "Shift Work... The 'f' Is Silent" was posted on Twitter by Gage Findlater on February 25, 2013. "When I…
“When I asked a taxidermist what she did for a living, she replied with ‘You know, stuff’”
When asked what one does, "stuff" is a non-specific answer, but suppose one really does "stuff" for a living? "'Oh, you know, 'stuff'' ~ a taxidermist,…
“When I be late to work, I walk in fake mad”
If you're late for work, don't walk in with a smile on your face. Look angry or mad, as if the traffic, or a delayed bus or train, or something else held you back from that wonderful work…
“When I buy a pack of a dozen ribs, I only eat ribs 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11. I prefer prime ribs”
"Prime rib" has nothing to do with prime numbers, but there are jokes. "When I eat a rack of ribs I only eat ribs 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11. I prefer prime ribs" was posted on Reddit --…
“When I die, bury me in Chicago because I want to remain politically active”
Political humorist Mort Sahl's website lists a popular joke of his (referring to voter fraud in the 1960 presidential election): "I've arranged with my executor to be buried in…
“When I die, I want the Mets to be my pallbearers so they can let me down one last time”
"When I die, I want (X) to be my pallbearers so they can let me down one last time" is a popular meme on many images. That 'X" is often a sports player or sports team. "I…
“When I die, I want the people I did group projects with to lower me into my grave” (joke)
"When I die, I want (X) to be my pallbearers so they can let me down one last time" is a popular meme on many images. That 'X" is often a sports player or sports team. "I…
“When I do good I feel good and when I do bad I feel bad, and that’s my religion”
A quote about Abraham Lincoln's religion was recorded by William Henry Herndon (1818-1891), Lincoln's 20-year friend, law partner and biographer, in the book Herndon's Lincoln: The…
“When I dunk my cookies in my milk, I think of you (and hold them under until the bubbles stop)”
"What if when you dunk a cookie in milk and see bubbles come up it's the cookie trying to breathe and really you just drowned a cookie and you're a murderer" is a saying that…
“When I dunk my cookies, I pretend they are you and hold them under till the bubbles stop”
"What if when you dunk a cookie in milk and see bubbles come up it's the cookie trying to breathe and really you just drowned a cookie and you're a murderer" is a saying that…
“When I dunk my cookies, I think of you and hold them under until the bubbles stop”
"What if when you dunk a cookie in milk and see bubbles come up it's the cookie trying to breathe and really you just drowned a cookie and you're a murderer" is a saying that…
“When I eat at a restaurant, the waiter tips me”
"When [X] eats at a restaurant, the waiter/waitress tips him" is a joke said about several powerful people, including American martial artist and actor Chuck Norris and Dos Equis beer…
“When I eat at a restaurant, the waitress tips me”
"When [X] eats at a restaurant, the waiter/waitress tips him" is a joke said about several powerful people, including American martial artist and actor Chuck Norris and Dos Equis beer…