“When I poop at an international airport, I say, ‘doody free,’ as I flush”
"Duty free" shouldn't be confused with "doody free," but there are jokes. "I love clean airport jokes! They are always doody free" was posted on X/Twitter by…
Alphebetical for "w"
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading”
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading" is a joke that has been included in many collections of sayings about drinking. The joke has been cited in print since at…
“When I said ‘nuke the Chinese,’ I meant put the takeout in the microwave”
Microwave cooking is called "nuking." A joke has been printed on many images: "When I said 'nuke the Chinese,' I meant put the takeout in the microwave." "Time to…
“When I said butter, I actually meant ghee. I should have clarified”
Ghee is a class of clarified butter that originated in India. "When I said butter, I actually meant ghee. I should have clarified" was posted on Twitter by Sanjeev Kohli on April 10,…
“When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed”
"When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "My version of a clean room, a…
“When I say ‘I’ll figure it out’ I mean I’ll just adapt to whatever new level of hell is coming”
People often say "I'll figure it out" when they see something new. This was posted on X/Twitter by Mike Primavera on July 12, 2023: "When I say 'I'll figure it…
“When I say I go to the gym religiously, I mean every Christmas and Easter”
To do something "religiously" usually means to do it regularly and well -- to please God. However, not everyone is religious. "Tell people you go to the gym religiously When they…
“When I see a bruised apple at the grocery store, I hold it close & whisper, ‘Who did this to you?’”
Bruised fruit usually can't be blamed on a bully, but there's a joke. "When I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and whisper, 'Who did this to…
“When I see cows, I will make an announcement to the rest of the car that there are cows”
Many people can't drive past cows without saying "cows" or "moo." "You're never too old to say 'cows' when you drive past some cows" was posted on…
“When I suck in my belly where does the fat go? And why can’t science make it stay there?”
"Dear Science, when I suck in my tummy, where does the fat go and why doesn't it stay there?" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "U know when u suck in…
“When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance”
Several businesses require pay in advance. A popular 1915 joke involves a doctor: She -- I saw the doctor today about my loss of memory.He -- What did he do?She -- Made me pay in advance. -- London…
“When I was a child, we had a clock made out of stone. Those were hard times”
"Hard times" doesn't usually involve a stone clock, but there are jokes. "RT @walteroho: Hard times like a stone clock #boss my #punchline :D" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“When I was a kid “the server is down” meant your waiter was depressed”
"When I was a kid "the server is down" meant your waiter was depressed" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "Ha! RT @CancerIsAwesome: When I was a…
“When I was a kid, everything was handed to me on a silver platter. Soup was a nightmare”
The expression to "have life handed on a silver platter/plate" means to be given the best things, without having to work very hard. The expression is usually not taken literally, but…
“When I was a kid, my social network was called ‘outside’”
"When I was a kid, my social network was called 'outside'" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "back in the day, a social network was called a front…
“When I was a kid, there was no Internet. So people would walk miles to call me an asshole”
"When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a/an asshole/bastard/bitch/cunt" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The internet…
“When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk miles to call me a bastard”
"When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a/an asshole/bastard/bitch/cunt" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The internet…
“When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk miles to call me a bitch”
"When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a/an asshole/bastard/bitch/cunt" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The internet…
“When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk miles to call me a cunt”
"When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a/an asshole/bastard/bitch/cunt" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The internet…
“When I was a single man, I had lots of free time. Then I started listening to whole albums”
A "single" man doesn't necessarily listen to single songs, but there are jokes. "When I was a single man, I had lots of free time. Then I started listening to whole albums, and…