“The lowest ranked door-to-door salesperson is awarded a knockwurst”
Knockwurst has nothing to do with knocking on a door, but there are jokes. "If you're gonna burst through the door unannounced, waving a German sausage, knockwurst!" (meaning…
Alphebetical for "t"
“The luck is gone, the brain is shot, but the liquor we still got”
"The luck is gone, the brain is shot, but the liquor we still got" was said by the actor Bryan Brown in the movie Cocktail (1988). "The money's gone, the brain is shot, but the…
“The luckiest horse wins the Derby, the fastest horse the Preakness, the best horse the Belmont”
The United States Triple Crown of Thoroughbred Racing starts with the Kentucky Derby (at Churchill Downs in Louisville, Kentucky), then goes to the Preakness Stakes (at Pimlico Race Course in…
“The Lysol commercial told me to disinfect the things I touch the most. This is going to burn”
"A Lysol commercial just said to disinfect the thing you touch the most. Fuck!!! This is gonna burn" is a jocular line that was posted on Twitter by Mark on February 20, 2011. "THE…
“The magic of Christmas never ends and its greatest of gifts are family and friends”
"The magic of Christmas never ends, and its greatest of gifts are family and friends" is a Christmas saying that has been printed on many images. "The Magic of Christmas never ends…
“The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out”
"The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out. (Pun of the Day)" was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor.puns on March 8, 2002. Magicians often pull a rabbit from a hat; "pull his…
“The magician said to take a card, any card. So I took his credit card”
"The magician said to take a card, any card. So I took his credit card" is a joke that has been printed on many images. "RT @FunnyJoker: A street magician came up to me at the…
“The mail must go through” (postal service adage)
"The mail must go through" is a phrase that exemplifies the hardships and successes of 19th century mail carriers, such as the pony express (1860-61). The saying was popularized by…
“The main function of the little toe is to make sure that all the furniture is in place”
"The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the furniture in the house is in place" -- another way of saying that the toe often bumps into the furniture --…
“The main ingredient in hand sanitizer is paranoia”
"The main ingredient in hand sanitizer is paranoia" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Nat is a total germophobe. She could single-handedly keep the…
“The main ingredient of stardom is the rest of the team”
"The main ingredient of stardom is the rest of the team" is a popular sports quote that is usually credited to college basketball coach John Wooden (1910-2010), who included the saying in…
“The main purpose of the stock market is to make fools of as many men as possible”
American financier Bernard Baruch (1870-1965) is usually given credit for the phrase: "The main purpose of the stock market is to make fools of as many men as possible." Contemporary…
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live”
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live" is a Christmas joke that has been printed on many images. Authorship is uncertain. "The main…
“The Man in the Brooks Brothers Shirt” (1942)
"The Man in the Brooks Brothers Shirt" was the title of a 1942 short story by Mary McCarthy. The title is famous, but the story itself is less so. The Brooks Brothers company used the…
“The man leaned on the printer cartridge because he wanted to tone up his abs”
A printer's toner cannot be used to tone up a person's body, but there has been a joke: "The man leaned on the printer cartridge because he wanted to tone up his abs." The joke…
“The man on top of the mountain didn’t fall there”
"The man on top of the mountain didn't fall there" (or "Those at the top of the mointain didn't fall there") is a motivational saying that has been printed on many…
“The man who butts his head against the stock market soon learns why it’s called Wall Street”
Wall Street. the financial center of the United States, originally had a wall, but it was removed by 1700. A joke about the name "Wall Street" circulated in newspapers in April 1924:…
“The man who created autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece”
"The man who created/invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace/piece" -- a joke on "rest in peace" -- has been printed on many images. "The man who invented…
“The man who created the chickpea spread passed away, but has been given an award posthummusly”
"Posthummusly" (posthumously + hummus) is a jocular portmanteau word. "I eat so much hummus that one day it will kill me. At least I'll be happy. Posthummusly" was posted…
“The man who dies rich dies disgraced”
Andrew Carnegie (1835-1919) was a Scottish-American industrialist who was also one of the biggest philanthropists of the late 19th century. On a visit to Scotland in July 1887, Carnegie said…