“The guy who stole all the chocolate is now a fudgitive”
"Fudgitive" (fudge + fugitive) is a portmanteau that has been used in some jokes. "The Fudgitive #oneletteroffmovies" was posted on Twitter by Terry Bull on October 24, 2009.…
Alphebetical for "t"
“The guy who wrote the program that estimates time left on a download wasn’t serious”
Many computer users get impatient waiting for downloads. A joke was posted on Twitter by Verifried Drunk on July 24, 2011: "The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left…
“The guy with the worst grades should get to give a graduation speech too. Let me hear both sides”
The student with the best grades often gets to give a graduation speech. Another idea was posted on Twitter by Sam Saulsbury on September 10, 2022: "The guy with the worst grades should get to…
“The gym accused me of stealing, but the sign clearly said ‘free weights’”
"Free weights" is a term in weight training that includes dumbbells, barbells, medicine balls, sandbells and kettlebells. It doesn't mean that these weights are "free," but…
“The gym is the only place where the customers work harder than the employees”
Gym customers pay to work out. "The gym; the one place where the customers work harder than the employees" was posted on Twitter by BradAndBoojie on January 19, 2015. "The gym’s…
“The halfway point of a marathon is 20 miles” (running adage)
A marathon is 26.2 miles; a half-marathon is 13.1 miles. However, marathoners often experience "the wall" of endurance at the 20-mile mark. "There is a saying among marathoners:…
“The Happiness I Never Knew” (“think” backronym)
"The Happiness I Never Knew" is a backronym (back acronym) of the word "think." This was given under "Alconym" (Alcoholics Anonymous + acronym) on the newsgroup…
“The hard truth that Communists don’t want to face is that…they will still have to look up how to spell ‘bourgeoisie’ every time”
"Bourgeoisie" can be a difficult word to spell. This was posted on X/Twitter by "Jason, ex inferis" on July 23, 2024, and received over 86,000 likes: "The spelling of…
“The harder you work for something, the greater you’ll feel when you achieve it”
"The harder you work for something, the greater you'll feel when you achieve it" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. "The harder you work for…
“The hardest animal to kill is a school mascot”
"The hardest/toughest animal to kill is a school mascot" is a popular saying with school administrators, especially when there is talk about closing a school. "The hardest animal to…
“The hardest lift of all is lifting your butt off the couch”
"The hardest lift of all is lifting your butt off the couch" is an exercise saying that has been printed on many images. "Sometimes the hardest part of working out is getting your…
“The hardest part about being vegan is waking up at 5 a.m. to milk the almonds”
"The hardest part about being vegan is having to wake up at 5am to milk all the almonds" is a jocular line about almond milk that was posted on Twitter on May 24, 2013. "The hardest…
“The hardest part of bringing your lunch to work is resisting the temptation to eat it”
Bringing lunch to work causes temptations. "The hardest part of bringing your lunch to work is resisting the temptation to eat it in the first half hour" is a saying that was posted on…
“The hardest part of making skimmed milk is throwing the cows across the lake”
"Skimmed milk" has nothing to do with "stone skimming," but there are jokes. "The hardest part of making skimmed milk is throwing the cows across the lake" was posted…
“The hardest part of my job is being nice to stupid people”
"The hardest part of my job is being nice to stupid people" and "I'm not qualified to be nice to stupid people" are jocular work sayings that have been printed on many…
“The hardest part of saving the second half of the sandwich is knowing it’s just right over there”
A sandwich is often cut in half, and people have several feelings about the second half of the sandwich. "The Second half of a sandwich is always the best piece" was posted on X/Twitter…
“The hardest thing about carving a pumpkin these days is finding a newspaper to spread out on the table”
Before carving a pumpkin, people usually had covered a table with old newspapers, but who has old newspapers in this digital age? This was posted on X/Twitter by Simon Holland on October 25, 2017:…
“The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn”
"The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn" is a popular saying that has been printed on posters and ecards. "One of the many difficult decisions…
“The hardest thing to raise in my garden is my knees”
"The hardest things for me to raise in my garden are my knees" is a joke about old age and gardening. "The hardest thing to raise in my garden is my knees" was cited in print in…
“The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread”
"The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread/roll" is a jocular saying that appears on many collections of one-liners. The Washingtonian of 1982 (the Google…