“Now Anything’s Possible” & “The Place to Be” (Time Warner Cable)
I subscribed to Time Warner's "Road Runner" broadband service. The company's recorded phone messages told me that Time Warner was "The Place to Be." I took home the…
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“Now he belongs to the ages” (at Abraham Lincoln’s death)
"Now he belongs to the ages" is supposedly what Secretary of War Edwin Stanton (1814-1869) said on Saturday morning, 7:22 a.m., April 15, 1865, upon the death of U.S. President Abraham…
“Now I know why dogs get so excited to go for walks”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in quarantines. Many people anxiously waited until they could leave their homes. "After 3 days, I now understand why the dog gets so excited about…
“Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of Jack Daniel’s at my feet…”
"Now I lay me down to sleep,/ A bottle of Jack (Daniel's) at my feet./ If I die before I wake,/ Tell my friends I drank it straight" is a jocular saying that has been printed on…
“Now I lay me down to sleep. A bottle of vodka at my feet…”
"Now I lay me down to sleep" is a classic children's bedtime prayer. A vodka version is: "Now I lay me down to sleepA bottle of vodka at me feetIf I shall die before I wakeTell…
“Now I sit me down to sleep; the speaker’s dull, the subject deep”
"Now I lay me down to sleep" is a bedtime prayer that has been cited in print since at least 1711. Lectures can put people to sleep, prompting this prayer, first cited in print in 1939:…
“Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves”
"Time to get up and get going. Today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Now if you'll excuse…
“Now is always the most difficult time to invest”
"Now is always the most difficult time to invest" is an investment adage, with the joke being that it is always "now" and always a difficult time. Charles Welles Buek, an…
“Now is not the right time to surround yourself with positive people” (virus joke)
"Surround yourself with positive people" is self-help advice that has been printed on many images. However, the 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused social distancing and quarantines.…
“Now is probably the perfect time to become a ventriloquist”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: 2019-20 coronavirus outbreakThe 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic is an ongoing global pandemic of coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19), caused by severe acute…
“Now my friends lay me down to sleep, a fifth of whiskey down by my feet…”
"Now my friends lay me down to sleep,/ A fifth of whiskey down by my feet./ If I should die before I wake,/ Tell everyone that I drank it straight" is a jocular saying that has been…
“Now serving liquid sanity and motivation topped with hope. It’s called coffee”
"Now serving liquid sanity and motivation topped with hope. It's called coffee" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "Now serving liquid sanity &…
“Now Showing: No Close Encounters of Any Kind” (quarantine movie joke)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many movie houses to close and for people to quarantine and to "socially distance" themselves. The Colonial Theatre (Phoenixville, PA) closed,…
“Now that April Fool’s day is over, everything on the internet is true again” (April 2)
“April 1st: the only day people critically evaluate things on the internet before believing them” is a jocular saying about April Fools' Day. "Hooray, April fool's day is over.…
“Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants”
"Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants" is a saying that has appeared on internet joke lists and on T-shirts. The saying is of unknown origin…
“Now that the gyms are closed, this summer is going to be about personalities”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many gyms to close. Many people got out of shape. "So if gyms close because of Coronavirus, should I stop working on my summer body and start working…
“Now that the gyms are closed, this summer is going to be about personality”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many gyms to close. Many people got out of shape. "So if gyms close because of Coronavirus, should I stop working on my summer body and start working…
“Now that they allow us to wear jeans at the office everyday, I am no longer a slacker”
The website Pun of the Day posted this pun by Rick Kelso (of Kansas) on September 14, 2016: "Now that they allow us to wear jeans at the office everyday, I am no longer a slacker." The…
“Now that we have everyone washing their hands correctly. Next week: turn signals”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak came with many public announcements to wash hands. Many people used this to joke about learning other basic things. "For those of you that just adopted…
“Now that we’ve banned plastic straws, I guess I’ll just have to drink my frappucino through…”
"now that we've banned plastic straws, i guess i'll just have to drink my frappucino through this assault rifle" was posted on Twitter by Seranine Elliot on July 14, 2018. The…