“I got mood poisoning. Must have been something I hate”
"I got mood poisoning. Must have been something I hate" (or "I got mood poisoning at work. It must be something I hate") -- a pun on "food poisoning" and…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I got my first shot. And I’ll get my second shot as soon as I can get the bartender’s attention”
The COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic resulted in vaccines that usually required to shots. "Just got my first shot. I'll get my second one as soon as the bartender gets back down here"…
“I got my stomach doing crunches—usually either Nestlé or Captain”
"I got my stomach doing crunches -- usually either Nestlé or Captain" (that is, Nestlé Crunch chocolate bars and Cap'n Crunch cereal) is a jocular statement that has been printed…
“I got myself a seniors’ GPS. Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination…”
"I got myself a seniors' GPS. Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it tells me why I wanted to go there" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several…
“I got pulled over by a cop with Alzheimer’s. He said, ‘Do you know why I pulled you over?’”
When a police officer asks a driver "Do you know why I pulled you over?', the police officer knows the answer to the question -- or does he/she? This was posted on Twitter by Random Guy…
“I got pulled over in the carpool lane today…” (joke)
The COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic resulted in social distancing, but what about carpools? "I got pulled over for driving alone in the carpool lane. I said that due to social distancing my…
“I got so drunk last night I walked across the dance floor to get a drink & won a dance contest”
"I got so drunk last night, I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest" is a jocular saying that as been printed on many images. "Last night I was…
“I got so drunk last night, I don’t know if I found some keys or lost a car”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Twitter Sawyer Stone @FuckinnShiti sooooooo wasted I don't kno if I found some keys or lost a car2:19 PM - 26 Sep 2013 TwitterRyan @RyanGoodyerI'm so…
“I got so much procrastinating done today”
"I got so much procrastinating done today" is a jocular work saying that has been printed on many images. "Got up early so I could get more procrastinating done today. Only managed…
“I got so pissed last night, I don’t remember getting home from the kitchen” (quarantine)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic forced many people to stay at home in quarantine. "It's driving me crazy not going out. I was that pissed last night I don't remember getting home…
“I got stung by a bee yesterday. Twenty dollars for a jar of honey!”
A bee stings, but it usually doesn't have a sting operation -- that is, to catch suckers. "IT'S early evening in a south London pub and Robbie Williams -- for so long dubbed `the…
“I got thrown out of a strip club last night for using Monopoly money”
"Monopoly money" (from the board game Monopoly
“I got thrown out of the zoo for making a parrot laugh. Polly tickle correctness!”
"Politics" is sometimes jocularly written as "polly tics," and there's a "polly" joke about "political correctness." "@DanRebellato *starts car*…
“I got voted ‘least likely to succeed’ by my high school class” (joke)
A teacher joke was posted by Jamie Tighe on Twitter on January 21, 2014: "I got voted 'Least Likely To Succeed' by my high school class. Christ I hate being a teacher." The joke…
“I gotta get my life together. This damn heat made me realize I can’t go to hell”
"I gotta get my life together. This damn heat made me realize I can’t go to hell" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "It's hot af fam. This weather made…
“I grew up all my life believing I was Irish. But thanks to Ancestry, I now know I’m just a drunk”
AncestryDNA tests for ethnicity. A popular St. Patrick's Day joke is about a test for Irish roots. "I grew up all my life believing I was Irish. But thanks to http://ancestry.Com I now…
“I grew up surrounded by poverty—my maid was poor, my butler was poor ...” (joke)
An old joke describes a rich person who claims to have grown up surrounded by poverty -- the maid was poor, the butler was poor, the chauffeur was poor and the gardener was poor. The joke dates to…
“I grilled a chicken for two hours yesterday…” (joke)
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A popular joke variation is: "I grilled a chicken for two hours…
“I guess that people who run marathons for fun haven’t heard about sex and booze”
"I guess that people who run marathons for fun haven’t heard about sex and booze" and "I bet people who run marathons for fun haven't heard about sex and alcohol" are…
“I Guess the Lord Must Be in New York City” (1969)
Harry Nilsson wrote "I Guess the Lord Must Be in New York City" for the movie Midnight Cowboy (1969), but the director used Nilsson's "Everybody's Talkin'"…