“I’ll have a rum and coke” (joke)
Can you substitute a Pepsi in a "rum and coke"? Dan Mentos made a popular tweet on November 23, 2014: “I’ll have a rum and coke”Is pepsi ok?“Sure whatever”*hands you a pepsi and…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I’ll never be able to run for President because of what I did for a Klondike Bar”
A Klondike bar is an ice cream bar coated with a thin layer of chocolate. "What would you do for a Klondike bar?" is a memorable ad jingle that began in 1982. "I'll never be…
“I’ll never forget where I was when I heard that JFK was shot. Eighth grade history class”
U.S. President John F. Kennedy was assassinated on November 22, 1963. People who were alive at that time usually recall where they were when they first heard the news. A joke involves people who…
“I’ll sell my broken watch when the time is right”
"I’ll sell my broken watch when the time is right. http://bit.ly/WyrZaq via @sickipedia" was posted on Twitter by Fresh Stand Up on March 18, 2013. The joke originated on the Sickipedia…
“I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic led to several jokes. "Let me tell you this coronavirus joke.We have to wait two weeks to see if you got it" was posted on Twitter by Imtiaz Mahmood on…
“I’ll vacuum the beach before I tell Facebook I got a man again”
"I'll vacuum the beach before I tell Facebook I'm in a relationship again" is a saying that has been printed on many images. In other words -- never. "I’ll vacuum the…
“I’m trying to teach my self cleaning oven how to do the rest of the house”
Many people wonder why a self-cleaning over can't clean the rest of the kitchen, or the rest of the house. "Why hasn't anyone taken the idea of 'self-cleaning oven' and…
“I’m a politician.” / “Honest?” / “No, the regular kind.”
“I’m a lawyer.” “Honest?” “No, the regular kind" is a lawyer joke that was posted on the newsgroup alt.bbs.wildcat on February 15, 1996. The joke is that the speaker had meant…
“I’m all out of tequila, but there’s no reason you can’t still lick, suck and swallow”
"I lick, swallow and suck... The salt, the tequila, the lime!" is a drinking/sex joke that has been printed on many images. Some images have it as, "I LICK the salt. I SWALLOW the…
“I’m allergic to writing about fencing, so I’ll have to use my épée pen”
An épée has nothing to do with an EpiPen, but there are jokes. "or where he keeps his fencing equipment: The epee pen" was posted on Twitter by Kenneth Baer on September 19, 2016.…
“I’m an amateur crastinator, but I’m hoping to go pro eventually”
"I used to just crastinate. Then I decided to go pro" is a jocular procrastination saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm an amateur crastinator. Someday I'll…
“I’m anti-work but pro-paycheck so you see my dilemma”
Many people -- if not all -- like to get paid without doing any work. "I’m anti-work but pro-paycheck so you see my dilemma" was posted on Twitter by Tuesdays with Taca on January 17,…
“I’m aspirin’ to be a pharmacist”
"Aspiring" should not be confused with "aspirin," but there are jokes. "You see, I'm Aspirin' to become an agricultural tumour, sorry, a Farmer Cyst!" was…
“I’m assuming Greek yogurt is just regular yogurt but with way more hair”
"I’m assuming Greek yogurt is just regular yogurt but with way more hair." is a jocular one-line saying about Greek yogurt. The saying was posted on Twitter by Brian Henderson on May…
“I’m at the age that not finding parking for an event is enough to make me go home”
"I’m at the age that not finding parking for an event is enough to make me go home" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter by…
“I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen”
Bananas go bad very quickly. "I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several…
“I’m broke but not like the poor broke, I’m classy type of broke. I’m broqué”
"I'm not regular broke, I'm high class broke. I'm broqué" and "I’m broke but not like the poor broke, I’m (a/the) classy type of broke. I’m broqué" are…
“I’m celebrating President’s Day by making a bunch of promises I have no plan on keeping”
A joke about Presidents' Day is a reminder that presidents make campaign promises that they seldom keep. "Happy Presidents Day... Celebrate Presidents Day by making a promise you have no…
“I’m convinced that leaning forward while playing video games substantially improves performance”
Does leaning forward help make a better video game player? "I am 100% convinced that leaning forward while playing video games substantially improves overall performance. /via @nessie111-works…
“I’m deeply disturbed by how many people seem to see washing their hands as a new thing”
The 2019–20 coronavirus outbreak caused many news outlets to instruct people to wash their hands. A comment was posted on Twitter by Liz Buckley on March 2, 2020: "I’m deeply disturbed by…