“I’m glad it’s not snowing. I would hate to shovel snow in this heat”
A popular heat joke is of unknown authorship. "I hope it doesn't snow today...I mean, wouldn't you hate to shovel snow in this heat?" was posted on Twitter by Travis Moody on…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I’m going bananas…is what I say to my bananas before leaving the house”
"Go bananas" is slang for "to lose control" or "to go crazy." There's a joke: "I am going bananas. That's what I say to my bananas before i leave the…
“I’m going off the grid” (said when not taking a phone to the bathroom)
Going "off the grid" means to be without technology, especially communications technology. Many people who didn't take their phones with them to the bathroom have joked about this.…
“I’m going to a notable restaurant tonight. I’m excited, but I don’t know where I’ll put my plate”
There's a difference between a "notable" restaurant and a "no table" restaurant. "I'm going to a notable restaurant tonight. I'm excited, but I don't…
“I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.”/“Is that a fret?”
A guitar joke has been printed on several images: "This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’" "Fret" sounds…
“I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends”
"I'm going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was popular around 2012, when Mayan…
“I’m going to change my Facebook name to Benefits” (joke)
Facebook (an American online social media and social networking service) has "friends," and this is the subject of a popular joke. "Im going to change my Facebook name 2 benefitsThat…
“I’m going to have a quesadilla.”/“Really, a whole case of them?”
A "quesadilla" isn't a "case of dillas," but there are jokes. "Wasn't Homer the guy that turned down the offer of a quesadilla. As I recall he said 'better…
“I’m going to hire the same landscaper I used last year. He was easy to get a lawn with”
"Easy to get a lawn with" sounds like "easy to get along with." "Easy to get a lawn with" was used by a seed company in an advertisement in the New York (NY) Times on…
“I’m going to open a Vietnamese soup/Southern barbeque restaurant and call it Ph? Que”
What would a fusion restaurant serving Vietnamese "pho" and Southern barbecue ("Que" or "Cue" or "Q") be called? "I want to open a Vietnamese BBQ place…
“I’m going to start a ride service for seniors and call it OldsMobile”
Oldsmobile was a brand of American automobiles from 1897 to 2004. The company was named after Ransom E. Olds (1864-1950). The "Oldsmobile" name doesn't mean that it's an…
“I’m going to start collecting highlighters. Mark my words!”
"Mark my words" is an expression meaning that one should remember what the speak is saying. "Mark my words" usually does not involve literally marking words, but there are…
“I’m going to stay up on New Year’s Eve this year. Not to see the new year in…”
During the COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic, people were happy to see years such as 2020 and 2021 end. "I'm going to stay up on New Year's Eve this year. Not to see the new year in,…
“I’m going to the gym now. I’m not bragging, I just want you to know where to send the ambulance”
"I'm going to the gym now. I'm not bragging, I just want you to know where to send the ambulance" is a jocular saying that has been pinted on many images. "@Professor_Ryan:…
“I’m going to the strip club. The chicken strip club. I mean Chick-Fil-A”
Chicken strips are deep fried pieces of chicken meat. "Chicken strips" doesn't mean that chicken takes off its clothes (strips), but there are jokes. A "chicken strip club"…
“I’m going to unlike this page. Right after I post about unliking this page…”
A social media meme shows an angry, spoiled child supposedly yellling: "I'M GOING TO UNLIKE THIS PAGERIGHT AFTER I POST ABOUT UNLIKING THIS PAGE AND HANG AROUND TO SEE WHAT PEOPLE SAY…
“I’m gonna be a Social Justice Warrior for Halloween” (joke)
A Halloween joke was posted on Twitter by Adam Hunter on October 27, 2016: "I'm gonna be a Social Justice Warrior for Halloween. When people ask me 'What are you?' I'm…
“I’m gonna run for president & kill other candidates by natural disaster. I’ll win by a landslide”
A "landslide" political victory is a win by a large margin. No actual landslide is involved, but there are jokes. This was posted on Sickipedia on August 7, 2023: "I'm gonna run…
“I’m good at everything except modesty”
"But then, I’m good at everything....Except modesty. Subtlety too" is a joke that was posted on the newsgroup alt.teens.intelligent.insanity on July 27, 2000. "I am so incredibly…
“I’m grateful to whoever saw beans fried once and said, ‘This isn’t enough’”
"Refried beans" (frijoles refritos in Spanish) are actually fried just once, but there are jokes. "Grateful to the visionary who saw beans that had only been fried one time and…