“I tried to force-feed our son when my wife said, ‘Use the fricking spoon. You’re not a Jedi’”
"Force-feeding" doesn't involve the "Force" from the
Alphebetical for "i"
“I tried to go to a moving sale today, but I couldn’t catch up to it”
A "moving sale" isn't a sale that constantly moves. It's a sale where the owner of the house is moving, or the business is moving, and things need to be sold. However, there are…
“I tried to re-marry my ex-wife, but she figured out I was only after my money”
Some people marry for money, but there's a jocular twist to this. "I wanted to remarry my Ex-wife but she refused and she said I was only after my money" was posted on Twitter on…
“I tried to say no to vodka, but it’s 40% stronger than me”
"I tried to say no to vodka, but it's 40% stronger than me" is a jocular one-line vodka saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on October 6,…
“I tried to send Bugs Bunny a file through Google Drive, but he only accepts a Whatsapp doc”
WhatsApp (an instant messaging and voice-over-IP service) has nothing to do with Bugs Bunny and his famous catchphrase "What's up, doc?," but there are jokes. "Cuál es la App…
“I tried to share a bag of potato chips with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench” (joke)
A joke about the homeless is: "I tried to share some chips with a homeless guy in the park last night. He told me to fuck off and get my own." The joke was posted on Twitter on April 10,…
“I tried to tell a bowling joke to a friend, but he said ‘spare me’”
Several bowling puns use the expression "spare me." "Want to hear a joke about bowling? Spare me" was posted on Facebook by Jim Abbas on February 28, 2012. "Please, spare…
“I tried to walk into a Target, but I missed”
A joke about Target stores was told by American stand-up comedian Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005) and has been printed on many images: "I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the…
“I tried to write a drinking song once, but I couldn’t get past the first bar”
A "bar" can mean a musical section, but it can also mean a place that serves drinks. A joke was published in the Chicago (IL) Daily Tribune on October 28, 1955: "Uncle Helmer tried…
“I tried to write a drinking song once, but I couldn’t get past the first bar”
A "bar" can mean a musical section, but it can also mean a place that serves drinks. A joke was published in the Chicago (IL) Daily Tribune on October 28, 1955: "Uncle Helmer tried…
“I tried to write a drinking song once, but I couldn’t get past the first bar”
A "bar" can mean a musical section, but it can also mean a place that serves drinks. A joke was published in the Chicago (IL) Daily Tribune on October 28, 1955: "Uncle Helmer tried…
“I tried using a colander to view the eclipse. I think I’ve strained my eyes”
A colander is a kitchen utensil that has holes to drain foods. The holes can be looked through, but a colander is not a telescope. A joke became popular on Sickipedia in March 2015: "I tried…
“I tried watching some belly dancing today, but I just don’t have the stomach for it”
To "not have the stomach for (something)" means to lack the courage, determination, or resolve to do it. The idiom usually doesn't involve the stomach, but there are belly dancing…
“I trust gas station sushi more than I trust the government”
"I trust gas station sushi move than I trust the government" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Sushi is a high-priced item that must be served fresh, and these are…
“I trust the government to lie about everything”
"I trust the government to lie about everything" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I trust the government (to lie about everything)" was posted on Twitter by…
“I TRUST THE SCIENCE!”/“You trust the television.”
"Be honest, you didn't trust the science. You trusted the TV" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "Trust the science” became a popular saying during the…
“I try to avoid things that make me fat. Like scales, photos and mirrors”
"I try to avoid things that make me fat. Like scales, photos and mirrors" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I am trying my best to be a good girl and avoid…
“I try to be a good person, but then someone pulls out in front of me doing ten below the speed limit…”
A statement about the frustrations of highway driving was posted on X/Twitter by New_England_Dad on September 3, 2021: "I try to be a good person, but then someone pulls out in front of me…
“I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant ‘food’”
"I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant 'food.' I try to find the food in every situation" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
“I turn coffee into tax returns”
"I turn coffee into tax returns" is a jocular tax season saying that has been printed on many images. The speaker is a tax preparer who needs coffee to function. "I turn coffee into…