“How do you fix a broken tuba?”/“With a tuba glue.”
"Tuba" sounds like "tube of." A riddle was printed in many newspapers in 1994: Q: What do you use to fix a broken tuba?A: A tuba glue! The riddle is often worded as this: Q: How…
Alphebetical for "h"
“How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?”/“With a pumpkin patch.”
A popular Halloween pumpkin riddle is: Q: How do you mend a broken jack-o'lantern?A: With a pumpkin patch! The joke has been cited in print since at least 1994, when it was printed in many…
“How do you get a farm girl to like you?”/“A tractor.”
"A tractor" sounds like "attract her." A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on February 7, 2019: Q: How do you get a farm girl to like you?A: A tractor. Reddit --…
“How do you get a French waiter’s attention?”/“Start ordering in German.”
A French restaurant riddle is: Q: How do you get a French waiter’s attention?A: Start ordering in German. That is, French waiters will usually ignore you -- except if you are German. (Germany…
“How do you get a grandmother to swear?”/“Have another say ‘Bingo!’”
A popular bingo joke is: Q: How do you get a grandmother to swear?A: Have another grandmother say "Bingo!" The joke has been cited in print since at least 1992. Google Groups:…
“How do you get a guitarist to turn down the volume?” (joke)
Can guitar players read music? A popular joke is: Q. How do you get a guitar player to play softer?A. Give him a sheet of music. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1992. Google Groups:…
“How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?” (lawyer joke)
One popular lawyer joke hints at the lynch law: Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?A: Cut the rope. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1993. Google BooksGreat Lawyer Stories:…
“How do you get a parrot to talk properly?”/“Send him to polytechnic.”
A "polytechnic" is not full of parrots (Pollys, as in "Polly want a cracker?"), but there's a riddle: Q: How do you get a parrot to talk properly?A: Send him to…
“How do you get a pound of meat out of a fly?”/“Unzip it.”
An NSFW riddle is: Q: How do you get a pound of meat out of a fly?A: Unzip it. A "fly" is small and has almost no meat, but the "fly" in the joke is a zipper. Sometimes "a…
“How do you get an actor off your front porch?” (joke)
Many jokes have been told about unemployed actors. One popular joke is: Q: How do you get an actor off your front porch?A: Pay him for the pizza. The joke has been cited in print since at least…
“How do you get an actor to complain?”/“Give him a job.”
Actors aren't happy when they're out of work, and many still complain when they do find work. "Here's a joke: How do you make an actor bitch? Give him a job." was printed…
“How do you get an elephant out of the theater?”/“You can’t. It’s in his blood.”
It's often said that actors have acting in their blood. There's a joke: Q: How do you get an elephant out of the theater?A: You can't. It's in his blood. The joke has been cited…
“How do you get gold’s attention?”/“You yell Au.”
The chemical symbol of symbol of gold -- Au -- sounds like "Hey, you!" A riddle was posted on Twitter by John Mayernaise on September 4, 2012: Q: How does Silver get Gold's…
“How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?”/“You column.”
Greek architecture is known for its Doric, Ionic, and Corinthian columns. "Column" sounds like "call him" or "call 'em." A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes…
“How do you get into college?”/“Through the door.”
"How do you get into college?" usually refers to being accepted at a college, but there are jokes. "'My son got into DeVry' 'what'd he have to do? Open the…
“How do you get into the School of Rock?”/“You rock enroll.”
School of Rock is a 2003 comedy film directed by Richard Linklater. A "rock and roll" pun was posted on X/Twitter by LaughBreak || Dad Jokes ‘N More on August 29, 2023, and again on…
“How do you get rid of a boomerang?”/“Throw it down a one-way street.”
A boomerang riddle is: Q: How do you get rid of a boomerang?A: Throw it down a one-way street. The joke was printed in The Sun-Herald (Sydney, New South Wales) on July 8, 1973. Newspapers.com8 July…
“How do you get rid of a fat ghost in a house?”/“You exercise it.”
There are many "exercise" and "exorcise" puns. "We had a fat ghost haunting our house so I got our local gym instructor to exercise him" was posted on Twitter by Matt…
“How do you get to Carnegie Deli?” (joke)
"How do you get to Carnegie Hall?"/"Practice!" is a classic New York City joke. The Carnegie Deli opened in 1937, adjacent to Carnegie Hall. Carnegie Deli announced in late 2016…
“How do you get to Carnegie Hall?” (joke)
"How do you get to Carnegie Hall?" is a question visitors often ask. Old-time New Yorkers can provide the punchline: "Practice!" The joke has been cited in print since 1955.…