“How to make holy water—boil the hell out of it”
An old joke is still told about how to make holy water: Q: How do you make holy water?A: You boil the hell out of it! The joke has been cited in print since at least 1942. It's not known who…
Alphebetical for "h"
“How to say I hate you in a nice way? ‘You are the Monday of my life’”
Many people hate Mondays. "How to say I hate you in a nice way? 'You are the Monday of my life'" and "Don't tell anyone 'I hate you' directly. Say 'You…
“How to sleep faster: Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom”
"How to sleep faster: Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom" -- implying that people fall asleep in class -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I wish that I…
“How to start an argument online: 1. Express an opinion. 2. Wait”
"How to start an argument online: 1. Express an opinion. 2. Wait" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The meme was started in 2011, by sources that do not appear to…
“How to start an argument online: 1. Say something. 2. That’s about it”
"How to start an argument online: 1. Express an opinion. 2. Wait" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The meme was started in 2011, by sources that do not appear to…
“How to stop eating during quarantine: Put on your swimsuit instead of your pajamas”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in quarantines, and many people stayed at home and ate a lot. "How to STOP EATING during Quarantine!!! Put on your swimsuit instead of your Pajamas.…
“How to tell if an orange likes to party?”/“Just Invitamin-C.”
"How to tell if an orange likes to party. Just Invitamin-C" (invite 'em 'n' see) was posted on Reddit on May 29, 2016. The joke quickly became popular. redditHow to tell if…
“How to tie the strongest knot ever: 1) put some headphones in your pocket 2) wait one minute”
Headphones often become tangled. A joke was posted on Twitter by "sweaty five dollars" on April 7, 2013: "How to tie the strongest knot ever: 1) put some headphones in your pocket…
“How to vent on Facebook. Step 1: Don’t. We are all depressed, broke and fat… not just you”
"How to vent on Facebook. Step 1: Don't. We are all either depressed, divorced, broke or fat. It's not just you" is a jocular saying about social media that has been printed on…
“How to vent on Facebook. Step 1: Don’t. We are all either depressed, divorced, broke or fat”
"How to vent on Facebook. Step 1: Don't. We are all either depressed, divorced, broke or fat. It's not just you" is a jocular saying about social media that has been printed on…
“How to vent on social media. Step 1: Don’t. We are all either depressed, divorced, broke or fat”
"How to vent on Facebook. Step 1: Don't. We are all either depressed, divorced, broke or fat. It's not just you" is a jocular saying about social media that has been printed on…
“How to vent on Twitter. Step 1: Don’t. We are all either depressed, divorced, broke or fat”
"How to vent on Facebook. Step 1: Don't. We are all either depressed, divorced, broke or fat. It's not just you" is a jocular saying about social media that has been printed on…
“How was the hamburger murdered?”/“First it was ‘rolled,’ then smothered in onions.”
A hamburger riddle is: Q: How was the hamburger murdered? A: First it was "rolled," then smothered in onions. The joke was printed in the book 101 Hamburger Jokes: Meaty Jokes to be…
“How’s my driving?” (bumper sticker)
Bumper stickers on many trucks state "How's My Driving?" and then give a phone number for other motorists to call and report poor drivers. "How's my driving" bumper…
“How’s my running? Call 1-800-EAT-DUST”
"How's my running? Call 1-800-EAT-DUST" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts (on the back) and bumper stickers. "How's my…
“How’s the Italian food in this restaurant?”/“Good. Try the veal. It’s the best in the city.”
"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, you've been a wonderful audience. I'll be here all week. Try the veal. And don't forget to tip your servers" is a classic line that a…
“How’s the New Year going?”/“Shofar, so good.”
The shofar (ram's horn) is sounded on Rosh Hashanah (the start of the Jewish New Year) and on Yom Kippur (the end of the Jewish New Year). "Shofar" sounds like "so far,"…
“How’s the weather up there?” (said to a tall person)
"How's the weather up there?" is a jocular line said to a very tall person. "How's the weather up there?" has been cited in print since at least 1886 -- when a…
“How’s your rabbit food?”/“How’s your vulture food?”
"Rabbit food" is a derogatory nickname that meat eaters sometimes give to the greens eaten by vegans/vegetarians. "How's your rabbit food?" they might ask. "How's…
“How’s my driving? How does an engine even work? Why would a loving God cause such agony?” (bumper sticker)
"How am I driving? How does an engine even work? How can a loving God cause such agony” (or "How’s my driving? How does an engine even work? Why would a loving God cause such…