“Every time history repeats itself, the price goes up”
"History repeats itself" is an old proverb. In February 1944, a new slant to the proverb appeared in a Los Angeles (CA) newspaper: "After reading about the cost of the present war…
Alphebetical for "e"
“Every time I come home my dog runs at me like he’s hoping we will finally nail the lift from Dirty Dancing”
Dogs are often very happy when an owner comes home, frequently jumping on the owner. "Every time I come home my dog runs at me like he’s hoping we will finally nail the lift from Dirty…
“Every time I cough I hear words like knight bishop pawn & queen. Dr. said I had a chess infection”
A "chest infection" is not a "chess infection" and has nothing to do with the game of chess, but there are jokes. "It must be cold in Russia, I hope Garry Kasparov…
“Every time I drink Magners or Bulmers I start swearing like a trooper. I must be suffering from cider fecks”
"Side effects" shouldn't be confused with "cider fecks," but a joke involves Bulmers/Magners Irish Cider. "Every time I drink Magners or Bulmers I start swearing. Must…
“Every time I drive in the rain, I check other drivers’ wipers…”
Some people are reluctant to put a vehicle's windshield wipers on the highest speed, so they check to see what other drivers are doing. "DAE feel like their windshield wipers should be…
“Every time I eat a salad I’m like, my life better change after this”
Some people rarely eat healthy food. Whenever they do eat healthy food, they jocularly demand immediate results. "Everytime I eat a salad I'm like, my life better change after this"…
“Every time I eat Chinese I feel like I weigh won ton”
A "wonton" dumpling sounds like "one ton," and there's a pun: "Every time I eat Chinese I feel like I weigh won ton." The jocular one-line saying was posted on…
“Every time I hear a chef on tv say that you can easily make this from items already in your pantry…”
Cooking shows on television often suggest simple meals with ingredients that everyone supposedly has in the pantry, but many people just have snacks in the pantry. This was posted on Facebook by…
“Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’ I wash my mouth out with chocolate”
"Whenever I say the word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate" (or "Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate"…
“Every time I jog, I meet new people. Of course, they’re usually paramedics”
"Whenever I go running, I meet new people...like paramedics" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "EVERY TIME I JOG, I MEET NEW PEOPLE. OF COURSE, THEY'RE…
“Every time I look at my paycheck, I try to figure out when the government worked those 40 hours with me”
"Me & my paycheck trying to figure out when the government worked half of my shift" -- that is, the government took taxes from the paycheck -- is a saying that has been printed on…
“Every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them…”
A quotation about dogs was posted on the newsgroup rec.pets.dogs.behavior on December 12, 2006: "'It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them. And…
“Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator”
"Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on August 19,…
“Every time I take up exercising I meet new people. They’re usually paramedics, but new people”
"Whenever I go running, I meet new people...like paramedics" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "EVERY TIME I JOG, I MEET NEW PEOPLE. OF COURSE, THEY'RE…
“Every time I turn around, I’m paying a bill. I’m about to stop turning around”
"I swear every time I turn around, I'm paying a bill. I'm just going to stop turning around" is a saying that has been printeda on several images. “@_Fatalatraction: seem like…
“Every time I turn around, it’s a bill due. I’m about to stop turning around”
"I swear every time I turn around, I'm paying a bill. I'm just going to stop turning around" is a saying that has been printeda on several images. “@_Fatalatraction: seem like…
“Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout…”
Many people use self-checkout because it's faster -- only to be behind a slow person. The following observation was posted on Twitter by jordan on April 15, 2021: "Every time I use…
“Every time I’m sore after Pilates I remember it’s what killed Jesus”
Pilates (a type of mind-body exercise) shouldn't be confused with Roman governor Pontius Pilate, but there are jokes. "Pilates must be pretty tough exercise if they killed Jesus" was…
“Every time someone goes into a deli and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies”
Pastrami on rye, with mustard, is a classic New York Jewish deli dish. A popular joke has a non-Jew entering a deli and ordering a pastrami sandwich -- on white bread, with mayonnaise. "He…
“Every time Taco Bell rings, an angel gets the runs”
"Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings" is a famous line at the end of the film It's a Wondeful Life (1946). "Every time a/the Taco Bell rings, an angel gets…