“ATM fees are the bank’s way of making you buy back your own money”
Many people hate a bank's ATM fee. "Essentially ATM fees are you paying for your own money" was posted on Twitter on June 29, 2013. "ATM fees are like you paying to buy your own…
Alphebetical for "a"
“ATMs are pressed for cash”
The term "pressed for cash" -- needing money -- usually doesn't mean literal pressing, but a joke was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners pn October 26, 2017: "ATMs are pressed for…
“Attack each day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind”
According to the Harbaugh family, father Jack Harbaugh was an assistant football coach at the University of Iowa in 1972 when he told his sons Jim (born in 1963) and John (born in 1962) this…
“Attention Thieves: Please carry ID so we can notify next of kin”
"Attention Thieves: Please carry ID so we can notify next of kin" (or "Burglars please carry ID so we can notify next of kin") is a sign that has been printed on many images.…
“Attila walks into a quaint Southern diner. Waitress says, ‘What can I get you, Hun?’”
Many Southern waitresses, according to the stereotype, address a diner with "hon" (honey). This as nothing to do with Attila the Hun, but there are jokes. "I get called…
“Attract what you expect. Reflect what you desire. Become what you respect. Mirror what you admire”
"Attract what you expect. Reflect what you desire. Become what you respect. Mirror what you admire" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. "You attract what…
“Auctioneers are the original rappers”
Auctioneers have frequently been compared to rappers. "Auctioneers, the original rappers" was posted on Twitter on March 5, 2009. "Were cattle show auctioneers the first…
“Auctions are the one place you can get something for nodding”
"Auction -- where you get something for nodding" -- a pun on "nothing" -- was published in a newspaper in January 1956. "Daffynishion: Auction — Where you get something…
“Audio engineers give sound advice”
"Do audio engineers give sound advice?" is a one-line saying that was posted on Twitter by Tim Powell on June 12, 2010. "Audio engineers give sound advice" was posted on Twitter…
“August already? September is practically next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume”
Time flies. "August already?? September is practically next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody" is a jocular saying that…
“August is just gold wind”
"August" is not "Au" (the chemical symbol of gold) and "gust" (wind), but there are "gold(en) wind" jokes. "The most millionaires are made in the month…
“August is like the Sunday of summer”
"August is like the Sunday of summer" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. Sunday is the end of the weekend and is followed by Monday -- a back-to-work time for many…
“Auld lang syne implies the existence of auld lang cosyne and auld lang tangynt”
The popular song "Auld Lang Syne" has nothing to do with math, but there are jokes. "auld lang syne implies auld land cosyne and auld lang tangent" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“Austin Powers walks into a bar….” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." There are several jokes about a "large aperitif" (large pair of teeth), usually…
“Australians are just British Texans”
Australia has some big cities, but also lots of open spaces -- like the state of Texas. Australians are sometimes called "British Texans." "An observant US buddy nailed our…
“Author! Author!” (audience shout)
"Author! Author!" are shouts that members of the theater audience make on the opening night of a successful play. The playwright then usually comes out and takes a bow, after the actors.…
“Auto racing, bullfighting, and mountain climbing are the only real sports—all others are games”
"Auto racing, bullfighting, and mountain climbing are the only real sports -- all others are games" has been credited to the author Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) since the 1980s, but…
“Auto-correct walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." An auto-correct version is: "Auto-correct walks into a bar. And the batman says,…
“Autocomplete is the bake of my existence”
"Autocorrect is the bake of my existence" was posted on Twitter by John Linen on April 21, 2022. "Autocomplete is the bake of my existence" was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on…
“Autocorrect and I have a love hat relationship”
"I have a love hat relationship with auto-correct...." -- a pun on "love-hate relationship" -- was posted on Twitter by John Daugherty on August 7, 2011. "I have a love hat…