“I have a weight problem—I can’t wait to eat”
"I have a weight problem -- I can't wait to eat!" is a pun that has been printed on T-shirts. "I've got a weight problem -- I can't wait to eat!" has been cited…
“If God dwells inside us, I hope He likes enchiladas, because that’s what He’s getting”
"If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas because that's what He's getting" was written by Jack Handey in Deeper Thoughts (1993), a sequel…
“Every great oak was once a little nut that held its ground”
"Great oaks from little acorns grow" is an old English proverb. "Every great oak was once a little nut that held its ground" is a modern take on the proverb, meaning that a…
Stepford Media
The book The Stepford Wives (1972) by Ira Levin was made into films in 1975 and 2004. The housewives in the novel's idyllic Connecticut neighborhood of Stepford were replaced by…
“Drama—what literature does at night”
American drama critic George Jean Nathan (1882-1958) wrote in Testament of a Critic (1931): "Drama. -- What literature does at night." This short definition of drama has been frequently…
“My other car is a Porsche” (bumper sticker)
"My other car is a [very expensive car]" is a saying that has been printed on many bumper stickers and license plate frames and put on cheap old cars. "My Other Car Is a…
“The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk”
"The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk" is a jocular statement that is sometimes credited to American writer Dorothy Parker (1893-1967). There's no evidence that she said…
“Out like a fat kid in dodgeball”
The game of dodgeball requires players to dodge a ball thrown at them. A fat, immobile person would be a large target to get hit with the ball and be out of the game. "Out like a fat kid n…
“If you’re drinking to forget, please pay in advance”
"If you're drinking to forget, please pay in advance" is a jocular sign in many drinking establishments. "If You're Drinking to Forget, Please Pay in Advance" has been…
“Politicians prefer unarmed peasants”
"Politicians prefer unarmed peasants" is a saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as bumper stickers, T-shirts and buttons. The saying became popular during the Lithuanian…
“You’ve got to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat”
People sometimes forget to eat, but comedienne Marsha Warfield (who was plus size) said in February 1987, "I hate skinny people. They forget to eat. Now, what kind of stupid is that?" In…
“Chocolate makes your clothes shrink”
"Chocolate makes my/your clothes shrink" (or "Avoid chocolate -- it makes clothes shrink") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters and…
“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake”
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake" is an old joke that has been printed on many images. However, people older than teenage years usually just have…
“Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid”
"Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves (practically) nothing unsaid" is a saying that has been attributed to New York gossip columnist Walter Winchell (1897-1972).…
“Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire”
"Dancing is a perpendicular/vertical expression of a horizontal desire/idea/intent/urge" has been credited to playwright George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), playwright Oscar Wilde…
“I’m not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings; I’m a drunk, we go to parties”
"I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings; I'm a drunk, we go to parties" is a popular saying on posters. The joke refers indirectly to Alcoholics Anonymous, an…
Splash Play
A "splash play" in football is a play that makes a big splash -- that is, it makes a big impact on the game. A "splash play" might be a quarterback sack, a tackle for a loss, a…
“All you need for happiness is a good gun, a good horse, and a good wife”
"All you need for happiness is a good gun, a good horse, and a good wife" is a famous line allegedly said by American pioneer Daniel Boone (1734-1820), but it's uncertain if he ever…
“Guns don’t kill people—people kill people”
"Guns don't kill people -- people kill people" (also "Guns don't kill -- people do") is a popular saying among anti-gun control advocates. The saying has been popular…
“When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns”
"When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns" is a popular anti-gun control message. Under gun control, honest people who follow laws won't have guns, but criminals who…