“Any sandwich is a panini if you sit on it”
Panini sandwiches are grilled sandwiches, and the bread is flat. "If you have heated seats in your car, any sandwich put on them can become a panini if you sit on it" was cited on Twitter…
“Have my doubts about this ‘smart water,’ considering how easily it’s captured and bottled”
Smartwater is sold by Glacéau (a subsidiary of The Coca-Cola Company) and consists of distilled water with electrolytes. There's a joke that was tweeted on February 6, 2012: "Today I…
Brexting (breakup + texting; breastfeeding + texting)
"Brexting" is two different types of texting. "Brexting" (breakup + texting) is from 2009. "New Word! -- Brexting: (verb) Breaking up via text message" was cited on…
Prattsville: New York’s Mount Rushmore (nickname)
American businessman Zadock Pratt (1790-1871) helped found Prattsville, New York. Pratt's Rock, in Prattsville, was made in the 19th century and features stone carvings. Pratt's Rock has…
“Why can’t New Yorkers play chess?”/“They’re missing two towers.”
A possibly politically incorrect joke about New Yorkers and the September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center (also called the "Twin Towers") is: Q: Why can't New Yorkers play…
“It was meaty okra” (mediocre)
"Meaty okra" is a jocular eggcorn for the word "mediocre." "McAdams, meanwhile attributed his mediocre results to eating a plateful of 'meaty okra'" was…
“If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny…”
"If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for the rest of your life -- would you choose hard or soft tacos?" is a jocular line that has been printed on many…
“I’m not a procrastinator. I’m just extremely productive at unimportant things”
"I'm not a procrastinator. I'm just extremely productive at unimportant things" is a jocular line that has been printed on many images and an ecard. "I'm not a…
“If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right”
British-American actor Bob Hope (1903-2003) loved golf; the Bob Hope Classic was named after him. Hope is frequently credited for having said: "If you think golf is relaxing, you're not…
“May the Fourth be with you” (Star Wars Day, May 4th)
The first Star Wars film (subtitled Episode IV: A New Hope in 1981) premiered on May 25, 1977. "May the Force be with you!" was a popular line in the film; "The Force" s a…
“I’m a Ph.D.—Pizza Hut Deliveryman”
Pizza Hut is an American pizza and pasta restaurant chain that offers sit-down service, as well as take-out and delivery. "I'm a Ph.D. -- Pizza Hut Deliveryman" is a joke a poor…
Idaho: Little Ida (nickname)
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: IdahoIdaho (/aɪdəhoʊ/) is a state in the northwestern region of the United States. Idaho is the 14th largest, the 39th most populous, and the 7th least…
Idaho: Potato State (nickname)
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: IdahoIdaho (/aɪdəhoʊ/) is a state in the northwestern region of the United States. Idaho is the 14th largest, the 39th most populous, and the 7th least…
“What is the holiest chord?”/“G sus.”
Guitarists know the "G sus" (suspended) chord. There are many "Gsus/Jesus" jokes. "G sus: God's favorite chord" was cited in the newsgroup rec.music.bluenote on…
“I’m a Ph.D.—Pizza Hut Deliveryman”
Pizza Hut is an American pizza and pasta restaurant chain that offers sit-down service, as well as take-out and delivery. "I'm a Ph.D. -- Pizza Hut Deliveryman" is a joke a poor…
“Success is a great deodorant”
American actress Elizabeth Taylor (1932-2011) said in Life magazine on December 18, 1964: "I have learned, however, that there's no deodorant like success." In her book Elizabeth…
Fizzician (fizz + physician)
Soda jerks sometimes jocularly called themselves "fizzicians," (fizz + physician). The jocular term was cited in a May 22, 1876 joke in the St. Albans (VT) Daily Messenger that was…
“I asked my caddie for a sand wedge…” (golf joke)
Golfers sometimes joke about inexperienced caddies who confuse a "sand wedge" with a "sandwich." Puerto Rican professional golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez often joked: "I asked my…
“Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded”
A school pun about teachers taking attendance is: "Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded." The jocular line has been cited in print since at least 2004. Google Groups:…
“Every teacher before they draw on the board: ‘I’m not an artist’”
Teachers often draw on boards to explain ideas, and there's a jocular line: "Every teacher before they draw on the board: 'I'm not an artist.'" The line was cited on…