“Never put Nutella on salmon or you’ll get Salmonella”
"Never put Nutella on salmon or you'll get Salmonella" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The joke Nutella recipe for "Salmonella" was printed on the…
“Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it”
"Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it" is a quotation from Stanford University President David Starr Jordan (1851-1931) that has been…
“I don’t need to ‘get a life.’ I’m a gamer. I have LOTS of lives”
"I don't need to 'get a life.' I'm a gamer. I have lots of lives" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "Get a life!" is a line…
“How do you get a grandmother to swear?”/“Have another say ‘Bingo!’”
A popular bingo joke is: Q: How do you get a grandmother to swear?A: Have another grandmother say "Bingo!" The joke has been cited in print since at least 1992. Google Groups:…
“Those who do not have goals are doomed forever to work for those who do”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikiquote: Brian TracyBrian Tracy (born 5 January 1944) is a motivational speaker and author. Google BooksMaximum Achievement: Strategies and Skills That Will Unlock Your…
“Put your diploma on the windshield so you can park in a handicap spot”
"Put your diploma on the windshield so you can park in a handicap spot" is a joke that has been said to deride many institutions of learning. "Why do (Texas A&M -- ed.) Aggies…
“... And all I got was this lousy T-shirt”
People often return home from vacation destinations with souvenir T-shirts. "My parents went to Florida and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" is a typical jocular saying. "Mom and…
“Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition” (joke)
Dr. Frankenstein is a character in Mary Shelley's novel Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus (1823) who creates a monster. This "body building" is different from…
“A woman and a duck walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." One duck version is: "A woman and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender says,…
“What do you call cows that don’t have a sense of humor?”/“Feminists.”
"What do you call cows with a sense of humor?"/"A laughing stock" is a joke from at least 1975 that was posted on Reddit on December 2, 2015. A slightly different joke was…
“I got voted ‘least likely to succeed’ by my high school class” (joke)
A teacher joke was posted by Jamie Tighe on Twitter on January 21, 2014: "I got voted 'Least Likely To Succeed' by my high school class. Christ I hate being a teacher." The joke…
“How do you get to Carnegie Deli?” (joke)
"How do you get to Carnegie Hall?"/"Practice!" is a classic New York City joke. The Carnegie Deli opened in 1937, adjacent to Carnegie Hall. Carnegie Deli announced in late 2016…
“The best band name is ‘Free Beer’”
The best band name is often said to be "Free Beer." Who wouldn't show up for a bar band called "Free Beer"? "Free Beer" was actually the name of a bar band in…
Waffle House Index (disaster recovery metric)
The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) often looks to the Waffle House -- a popular restaurant chain in the South -- to evaluate a disaster (such as a hurricane). "Green" means…
“How can you tell when an engineer is an extrovert?”/“He stares at YOUR shoes when he talks to you.”
A popular joke told about engineers (and actuaries and probably many other professions) is: Q: How can you tell when an engineer is an extrovert?A: He stares at your shoes when he talks to you. The…
“What do you call a Chicago Cubs player with a World Series ring?”/“A thief.”
A joke is told about players from teams that don't win championships: Q: What do you call a Minnesota Vikings player with a Super Bowl ring?A: A thief. The joke has been told other football…
“How do you keep a Baptist from drinking all your beer?”/“Invite two of them.”
A popular joke is told about Southern Baptists: Q: If you invite a Baptist to go fishing with you, how do you keep him from drinking all your beer?A: Invite two of them! That is, the Baptists will…
Waffle House Index (disaster recovery metric)
The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) often looks to the Waffle House -- a popular restaurant chain in the South -- to evaluate a disaster (such as a hurricane). "Green" means…
“The best band name is ‘Free Beer’”
The best band name is often said to be "Free Beer." Who wouldn't show up for a bar band called "Free Beer"? "Free Beer" was actually the name of a bar band in…
Oklahoma: Diet Texas (nickname)
The state of Oklahoma has been infrequently dubbed "Diet Texas" (the state of Texas on a diet). McSweeney's published on July 27, 2006: "Oklahoma isn’t the Midwest. Oklahoma…