“Head of lettuce. That must be a boring job”
People often seek a job of the "head" of something. There's a joke: "Head of lettuce. That must be a boring job." The joke was posted on Twitter on June 2, 2012.…
“He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key”
Do people really "break into song"? A musical one-line saying is: "He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key." The pun-filled saying has been cited in print…
“Why are drummer jokes so simple?”/“So bassists can understand them.”
Drummers have a lot of jokes told about them, but one popular comeback is: Q: Why are drummer jokes so simple?A: So bassists can understand them. "Why are drummer jokes so short? So the…
“What do you call two people in an ambulance?”/“A pair of medics.”
A pun about ambulance paramedics has been printed on several images: Q: What do you call two people in an ambulance?A: A pair of medics (paramedics). "What do you call two people in an…
“I wanted to be a stenographer, but they told me they are not short-handed at the moment”
A stenography pun is: "I wanted to be a stenographer, but they told me they are not short-handed at the moment." The "short-handed" joke has been cited in print since at least…
“What do you call a black man flying a plane?”/“A pilot, you racist!”
A racial joke is: "What do you call a black man flying a plane?...A pilot, you racist!" The joke was posted on the newsgroup justtheband on October 17, 2005. Google Groups:…
“How do you know when the stage is level?”/“Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer’s mouth.”
A popular joke about drummers is: Q: How do you know when the stage is level?A: When drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth. "How can you tell if the stage is level? If the…
“Gardeners always know the ground rules”
A gardening pun is: "Gardeners always know the ground rules." The "ground rules" joke was posted on the website Pun of the Day in 2001. Pun of the DayGreat One Liners of the…
“What do you call a drummer with half a brain?”/“Gifted.”
A popular drummer joke is: Q: What do you call a drummer with half a brain?A: Gifted. The "half a brain" joke has been said about many groups of people. "What do you call a…
“Just saw loads of pears at a meeting. They must be Conference pears”
The name "Conference pear" has been the subject of several jokes. "When Worcs CCC hold a committee meeting is it called a 'Conference Pear'???" was posted to the…
“Before Conference pears, we could only talk to one pear at a time”
A joke about Conference pears was posted on Twitter by "joe" on March 26, 2013: "Before we had conference pears, you could only talk to one person on a pear at a time."…
“What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?”/“Another lawyer.”
A lawyer joke is: Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?A: Another lawyer. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1989, when it was published in the Chicago…
“How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?” (Joke)
A joke about opening a beer bottle has been printed on several images: Q: How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?A: None. It should be open when she brings it to you. The joke -- usually…
“What happens at a bulimic’s bachelor party?”/“The cake jumps out of the girl.”
A girl inside a cake was a popular surprise at 1950s' bachelor parties. A joke variation is: Q: What happens at a bulimic's bachelor party?A: The cake jumps out of the girl. The joke has…
“What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?”/“The NBA.”
A racial joke about white people and basketball is: Q: What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?A: The NBA (National Basketball Association). That is, the best players -- the…
“What’s the biggest lie on the internet?”/“I have read and agree to the terms of use.”
There are many "big lies" that have been told over the internet. A popular joke is: Q: What's the biggest lie on the internet?A: I have read and agree to the terms of use. Few people…
“A lot of people don’t like Mondays, but 48 hours ago was a sadder day”
Many people don't like Mondays, but love Saturdays. However, "Saturday" sounds like "sadder day." "Anyone notice how Saturday sounds like 'sadder day'? I…
“The four seasons are deer, turkey, rabbit and duck”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterConnect Dots@LoudAmericanthe four seasons: 1. SQUIRREL SEASON 2. DEER SEASON 3. RABBIT SEASON 4. TURKEY SEASON10:46 AM - 24 Jul 2009…
“I saw an ad that said, ‘TV for sale-Volume Stuck on Full.’ I couldn’t turn that down”
A television joke is: "I was walking down the road the other day and I saw this advert in the window that said. 'Television For Sale -- Pounds 1 -- Volume Stuck On Full.' I thought:…
“If I want to see clowns at the Garden, I’ll just go to a Knicks game”
New York City's Madison Square Garden has hosted many different events, such as basketball's New York Knicks and the Ringling Brothers Circus. American television talk show host David…