“I love reunions. They’re old school”
"Reunions are old school" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on T-shirts. The saying was posted on Twitter on August 20, 2010. "I love reunions; they're old…
“I never question myself. Why should I start now?”
"I never question myself. Why should I start now?" is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter by "KD" on July 1, 2010. The second sentence jokes on the first.…
“Exercise bikes get you nowhere”
""Exercise bikes get you nowhere" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on T-shirts. "Exercise bikes get you nowhere - except towards fitness without being rained…
“I was given a book the other day on anger management. I lost it”
"I was given a book the other day on anger management. I lost it" is a jocular saying -- the "it" can refer to a lost book or a lost anger -- that has been printed on several…
“My internet bride got delivered today. She’s the WiFi always dreamed of”
"WiFi" sounds like "wife I." A pun was posted on Twitter by Dave Thomas on March 18, 2012: "My internet bride got delivered today, she's the WiFi always dreamed…
“I don’t buy fat-free milk because I don’t want to encourage cows with negative body image issues”
A joke about fat free milk was posted on Twitter by Krunal Sagan o August 27, 2010: "I don't buy fat-free milk because I don't want to encourage cows with negative body image issues…
“Exit signs are on the way out”
"Exit signs are on the way out" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images. "Are exit signs on the way out?" was posted on newsgroup…
“She won’t techno for an answer”
"Techno" (a form of electronic dance music) sounds like "take no." A pun was posted on Twitter by "Shelf Side Spurs" on August 4, 2011: "My mates new girlfriend…
“Did you hear about the angry gymnast? He just flipped”
A gymnastics pun is: "Did you hear about the angry gymnast? He just flipped." The joke was posted on Twitter on September 6, 2012. “Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just…
“Irish I was drunk” (“Irish I were drunk”)
"Irish I was/were drunk" is a saying that is popular on St. Patrick's Day and has been printed on many gift items. Busted Tees came out with an "Irish I were drunk" T-shirt…
“I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk”
"I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter by…
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.”—Me, after eating one healthy meal
"'I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.' -- Me, after eating one healthy meal" is a jocular one-liner that has been printed on GIFs. "Me after eating one healthy meal: i…
“Beer because nothing actually happened over coffee”
Do more things happen over alcohol than coffee? "Beer because nothing actually happened over coffee. Fuck you CCD (CafeCoffeeDay -- ed.)!" was posted on Twitter by "Poor Spoiled…
“I’ve reached the age where I can’t function without my glasses…especially if they’re empty”
"I've finally reached the age where I can't function without my glasses...especially if they're empty" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several ecards.…
“I’m about to have a cup of dangerous coffee. Safe tea first though”
"Safety first" is a slogan that has been used since the early 1900s. "Safe-Tea First" is a pun that was used in Ridgways Tea advertisments from October 1914. A jocular saying…
“A book dies every time you watch a reality TV show”
Jersey Shore was an American reality television series that ran from 2009 until 2012. "Every time someone watches jersey shore, a book commits suicide!" was posted on Twitter on January…
“Don’t update your status when you’re drunk”
"Never go shopping when you're hungry" is a saying that became popular in the 1970s. "THree rules to live by" were first posted on Twitter on April 17, 2012: 1. Don't…
“I’m a magician. I can make my paycheck disappear”
A popular paycheck joke is: "I'm a magician. I can make my paycheck disappear." "You're (magician Doug Henning -- ed.) good...but the government is faster at ,making a…
“I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided…” (joke)
"This town ain't big enough for the both of us" is a line that supposedly started fights in the old Wild West. A one-line joke is: "A lot of conflict in the old Wild West could…
“Lost like a fat person at a salad bar”
"Lost as/like a fat person at a salad bar" is a simile that has had infrequent use. Fat people supposedly avoid eating healthy, such as at salad bars. "I'm lost like a fat gurl…