“I really love my fanbase…without it my fan would fall over”
Sports and entertainment stars have "fans," and there's a joke: "I really love my fanbase...without it my fan would fall over." The joke was posted to Twitter on December…
“It’s not my fault I blame everyone else for my mistakes”
"It's not my fault that I blame everyone else for my mistakes" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on an ecard. "It's not my fault I blame everyone else for…
“I’ve grown to hate low ceilings”
"I've grown to hate low ceilings" is a jocular one-line saying that takes the expression "grown to hate" with literal physical growth. "I've grown to hate low…
“I can’t believe pretzels are knot bread”
Pretzels are baked bread often -- but not always -- shaped into a twisted knot. "Why do people eat pretzels since they are knot food? (Pun of the Day)" -- from the website Pun of the Day…
“The life of a snail is taken with a pinch of salt”
The expression "take it with a grain/pinch of salt" means to not take it with great importance. However, salt melts snails, so it's important to them. A one-line saying is: "The…
“So many people in my area have head lice. The positive side is, we are a close nit community”
A pun on the term "close-knit community" was posted on Twitter on August 28, 2011: "I live in a really small village where everybody suffers terribly with head lice.. Its a close nit…
“Why do people carry umbrellas?”/“Because umbrellas can’t walk.”
An umbrella riddle is: Q: Why do people carry umbrellas?A: Because umbrellas can't walk. The riddle was printed in many newspapers in 1986. 21 January 1986, Morning Advocate (Baton Rouge, LA),…
“Where do animals go when their tails fall off?”/“The retail store.”
A pun about a "retail" store is: Q: Where do animals go when their tails fall off?A: To a retail store. "Where would a dog go to get a new tail? To a retail store!" was…
“What do you get when an elephant walks through your garden?”/“Squash.”
A "squash" pun is: Q: What do you get when an elephant walks through your garden?A: Squash. The elephant joke has been cited in print since at least 2003. Google BooksNoah's Favorite…
“What do you call a block of cheese that hasn’t been shredded?”/“Ungrateful.”
A cheese pun is: Q- What do you call a block of cheese that hasn't been shredded?A- Ungrateful. The cheese joke was posted on Twitter by Jonathan K. Fields on June 9, 2014. Similar…
“What do you call it when a banana eats another banana?”/“Canabananalism.”
"Canabananalism" or "cannibananalism" (cannibalism + banana) is a jocular portmanteau word that has been printed on many images. "When a banana eats another banana,…
“Bananosecond: The time between slipping on a banana peel and hitting the pavement”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Urban DictionaryBananosecondThe time between slipping and hitting the pavement.Yesterday I accidently slipped on a peel and within a bananosecond, found myself laying flat…
“How often should you wear gloves in the winter?”/“Intermittenly.”
A joke about winter mittens was printed in the "Cryptoquip" column in many newspapers on February 1, 2008: "I don't really love having gloves on my hands. THat's why I only…
Zombie (cocktail)
Entry in progress -- B.P. “I said, ‘Make me a Zombie.’ The bartender said, ‘God beat me to it'" is a Rodney Dangerfield joke on the Zombie cocktail. [This entry was prepared with…
“Two chemists walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A popular science joke that has been printed on many images is: Two men walk into a bar.One…
“Wife has left me because of my fetish with touching pasta. I’m feeling cannelloni right now”
"Cannelloni" pasta sounds like "kind of lonely." A popular pun is: "Wife has left me because of my fetish with touching pasta. I'm feeling cannelloni right now."…
“Don’t update your status when you’re drunk”
"Never go shopping when you're hungry" is a saying that became popular in the 1970s. "THree rules to live by" were first posted on Twitter on April 17, 2012: 1. Don't…
“Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations?”/“Because they don’t believe in higher powers.”
An atheist pun about "higher powers" is: Q: Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?A: Because they don't believe in higher powers. The math joke was posted on Twitter on…
“What do you feed a baby parabola?”/“Quadratic formula.”
A math pun on the word "formula" has been printed on several images: Q: What do you feed a baby parabola?A: Quadratic formula. "What does a baby parabola drink? Quadratic…
“Why do Americans make such a fuss about 9/11 anyway? What happened on the 9th of November?”
The September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on New York City's World Trade Center are referred to as "9/11." However, Europeans read the day first, then the month. A joke is: "Why…