“Some people say I have a bad attitude. I say screw them!”
"Some people say I have a bad attitude. I say fuck/screw them!" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "People say I have a bad attitude... I say F*CK…
“I like to play chess with old men in the park…although it’s hard to find 32 of them”
There is a difference between playing chess against people and playing chess with people (for example, human chess pieces). American stand-up comedian Emo Philips said in a November 2009 interview:…
“Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king”
American poet, writer and critic Mark Van Doren (1894-1982) was a professor of English at Columbia University for nearly 40 years, and taught many students who would later be famous writers. Van…
“No one in history has ever choked to death from swallowing his pride”
"When you've done something wrong, admit it and be sorry. No one in history has ever choked to death from swallowing his pride" is a saying that has been printed on many images.…
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing”
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing" is a jocular one-line saying about chess that has been printed on many images. Philips told the joke in Emo…
“I like to play chess with old men in the park…although it’s hard to find 32 of them”
There is a difference between playing chess against people and playing chess with people (for example, human chess pieces). American stand-up comedian Emo Philips said in a November 2009 interview:…
“After winning, I threw the ball into the crowd. Apparently, that’s unacceptable in bowling”
"After winning the match, I decided to throw the ball into the crowd, like they do on TV. Apparently, it's unacceptable in bowling" is a jocular one-line sports saying that was…
“She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster”
French toast has nothing to do with French kissing, but New York-based stand-up comedian Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) said on The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson in 1980: "She was a wild…
“To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid”
"To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Quote: 'To be old and wise you must first be young and…
“I used to care what other people thought until I tried to pay my bills with their opinions”
"I used to care what other people thought about me, until one day, I tried to pay my bills with their opinions" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was…
“Et tu, croute?” (Caesar salad joke)
"Caesar salad" (a salad of romaine lettuce and croutons) has nothing to do with Julius Caesar (the Roman emperor who was assassinated by Brutus and other conspirators, and, in the…
“I found the key to success, only to discover that the door was never locked”
People often seek the key (or keys) to success. The "key" is a metaphor. "I found the key to success, only to discover that the door was never locked" is a one-line saying that…
“The job requires me to get a potato clock” (get up at eight o’clock)
An old joke has a person seek to purchase a "potato clock" because he or she was told to "get up at eight o'clock." The mondegreen has been cited in print since at least…
“The universe is made of protons, neutrons, electrons and morons”
"The universe is made of protons, neutrons, electrons and morons" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. This line was printed in many publications in 1932:…
“The job requires me to get a potato clock” (get up at eight o’clock)
An old joke has a person seek to purchase a "potato clock" because he or she was told to "get up at eight o'clock." The mondegreen has been cited in print since at least…
“I had a shepherd’s pie for lunch. He was furious”
A shepherd's pie is a meat pie with a crust of mashed potato. A popular joke is: "I had a shepherd's pie for lunch. He was furious." "I ate a shepherd's pie for tea…
“Average gumbo is only medi-okra”
Okra is often used in a "mediocre" pun as "medi-okra" or "mediokra." "Worst pun of the year (...) 'Mediokra'" was printed in 1943 newspapers. Gumbo…
“I took my son to Coney Island. I asked, ‘Wanna go in the Crazy House?’” (joke)
One Coney Island amusement was a "Crazy House," featuring walls at strange angles. New York-based comedian Rodney Dangerfield, filling in for syndicated entertainment columnist Jack…
“Know your worth. Then add tax”
"Know your worth. Then add tax" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. THe saying was posted on Twitter on March 29, 2015. TwitterK I N G @ShortQuayKnow your…
“What is a pregnant woman to a cannibal?”/“Kinder Surprise.”
A riddle about Kinder Surprise (a chocolate egg containing a small toy) is: Q: What is a pregnant woman to a cannibal?A: Kinder Surprise. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2007.…