“Could you take a couple steps back. I have a nut allergy”
"Nut" can mean a food, but it can also mean a crazy person. A joke is: "Could you take a couple steps back. I have a nut allergy." The "nut" pun was posted on Twitter…
“Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work”
"Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "As one gets older, work seems a lot less fun and fun…
“Subway is definitely the healthiest fast food available because they make you get out of the car”
Subway fast food restaurants do not have drive-through service. A joke is: "Subway is definitely the healthiest fast food available because they make you get out of the car." "Subway…
“Diet tip: If you think you’re hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first”
A diet tip is to drink before eating. "Diet Tip: Think you're hungry? You might just be thirsty. Drink water then reassess" was posted on Twitter on May 5, 2011. A jocular wine…
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil”
"My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Origin is uncertain. "How to get rich farming -- rise early, work…
“Everyone wants happiness. No one wants pain. But you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain”
"Everyone/Everybody wants happiness. No one/Nobody wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow without a little rain" is a rhyming verse that has been printed on many images. The…
“Calories (noun)—Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes tighter”
"Calories (noun) - Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night" is a jocular definition that has been printed on many images. "What…
“In every language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast”
McDonald's fast food restaurants have Monday-Friday breakfast hours of 5 a.m.-10:30 a.m. A joke is: "While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s…
“I drank so much vodka last night, I woke up with a Russian accent”
"I drank so much vodka last night, I woke up with a Russian accent" is a jocular one-line saying about vodka that has been printed on many images. "I've had so much vodka…
“A good day starts with a positive attitude and a great cup of coffee”
"A good day starts with a positive attitude and a great cup of coffee" is a morning work saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on May 3, 2010.…
“Today, I will be as useless as the ‘g’ in lasagna”
"Today, I will be as useless as the 'g' in lasagna" -- an Italian food word where the letter is silent -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. "You're as…
“A good day starts with a positive attitude and a great cup of coffee”
"A good day starts with a positive attitude and a great cup of coffee" is a morning work saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on May 3, 2010.…
“A cup of tea solves everything”
"A cup of tea solves everything" is a tea saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been cited in print since at least 2003 and 2007. 19 June 2003, The Age (Melbourne,…
“A person has to have a warm heart and a cold beer”
"A person has to have a warm heart and a cold beer" is a saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter on October 4, 2013. Twitter gia…
“When someone tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football”
"When someone tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football" is a saying that has been printed on several images. The saying has been cited in print since at least 1979…
“Men like football because the priorities are Scoring and Ball Security”
A football joke is: "Men like football because the biggest priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man's life, Scoring and Ball Security." "Why do men…
“What do you call children born in whorehouses?”/“Brothel sprouts.”
A riddle about Brussels sprouts is: Q: What do you call children born in whorehouses?A: Brothel sprouts. The "brothel sprouts" pun has been cited in print since at least 1950, when the…
“Alcohol helps to remove the stress, the tension, the bra, the panties and a host of other problems”
"Alcohol helps to remove the stress, the tension, the bra, the panties and a host of other problems" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was…
“I spent four years in college and didn’t learn anything. Double majored in psych & reverse psych”
American actor, writer and comedian B. J. Novak told this joke in his stand-up comedy act by at least 2003: "I learned nothing in college. It really was kind of my own fault. I had a double…
“We never knew he was drunk…until he showed up for work sober”
"We never knew he was drunk...until he showed up for work sober" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images. "I think the only way my boss would know I was…