“I designed a website for orphans. There isn’t a home page”
A joke about a website's home page is: "I designed a website for orphans. There isn't a home page." The joke was posted on Twitter on April 15, 2015 and was originally posted on…
“I got fired from my job at the clock factory today. After all those extra hours I put in!”
Putting in extra hours at work -- is that a good or a bad thing? "I can't believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in" is a joke that was posted…
“I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off”
"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off" went viral on Twitter on November 19, 2010. The one-liner has been included on many jokes…
“I wanted still water.”/“This is sparkling, yes, but it’s still water.”
"Still water" is a term that has had a few puns, such as this one, posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on April 11, 2017: "What do you get if you take the bubbles out of sparkling water? I…
“Happy Birthday to You…Chinese food!” (“Happy Birthday to You…cha-cha-cha”)
"Happy Birthday to You" is a popular birthday song. At the end of the verses, instead of "cha-cha-cha" (cited in print since at least 1959), some people scream, "Chinese…
“My farts always smell like butterscotch. They smell like butt or scotch”
The New York-based television comedy sketch show Saturday Night Live did a parody ad of actor Gary Busey for Directv, on a show that aired on October 11, 2003: "Here's a little piece of…
“I’m convinced 90% of the software on my computer doesn’t do anything except send me notifications”
There are many jokes about computer notifications. "90% of the software on my iPhone doesn't do anything except send me notifications that there's a new version of itself" was…
“You can’t be sad when you’re holding a cupcake”
"You can't be sad when you're holding a cupcake" is a one-line cupcake saying that has been printed on many images. "Today my hometown honored me with Kid President…
“There’s no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap”
"There’s no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap" is a pizza saying that has been printed on many images. The line was said by the character Doug Heffernan…
NyTi (New York Times nickname)
The New York Times newspaper is usually abbreviated "NYT." However, sometimes it is abbreviated "NyTi" or NYTi." "WaPo or NYTi" was posted on Twitter on October…
“An apple a day will keep anyone away, if thrown hard enough”
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away” is an old saying. "An apple a day will keep anyone away, if thrown hard enough" (or "An apple a day will keep anyone away, if you throw it…
“Why do brides wear white?”/“Because it’s the most popular color for kitchen appliances”
A riddle about kitchen appliances is: Q: Why do brides wear white? A: Because it's the most popular color for kitchen appliances. The popular politically incorrect joke -- implying that women…
“I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure”
"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter by…
“I’m not unemployed, I’m NSFW”
"I'm not unemployed, I'm NSFW" -- NSFW means "Not Safe For Work" -- is a jocular one-line work saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on…
“What turns a fruit into a vegetable?”/“AIDS.”
A riddle using the slang terms of "fruit" (homosexual) and "vegetable" (a comatose person) is: Q: What turns a fruit into a vegetable? A: AIDS. The joke -- often regarded as…
Future Always Involves Learning (“fail” backronym)
"Future Always Involves Learning” is a backronym (back acronym) of the word “fail.” People can learn from failure. CNN anchor Chris Cuomo used the "fail" backronym on the…
“All I want is peace, love, understanding, and a chocolate bar bigger than my head”
"All I want is peace, love, understanding, and a chocolate bar bigger than my head" is a one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "All I want is peace, love, and a…
“I think the holidays are a wonderful time for drinking”
Two related drinking sayings have been printed on many images: "I think Christmas is a wonderful time for drinking. And also after and before Christmas plus all the other days.""I…
“How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?” (joke)
A "lightbulb joke" involving mystery writers is: Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a…
“Smile. It will either warm their heart or piss them off. Either way, you win!”
"Smile. It will either warm their heart or piss them off. Either way, you win!" is a jocular saying about smiling that has been printed on many images. "Above all else don't…