American Pravda (Associated Press or AP nickname)
The Associated Press (AP) is a news agency founded in 1846 and headquartered in New York City. The AP has been called "American Pravda" by those who believe that it serves a propaganda…
“Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie”
A popular "tie" pun is: "Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie." The silkworm joke has been cited in print since at least 1975. Google BooksComputers and…
“A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikiquote: Daniel J. BoorstinDaniel J. Boorstin (October 1, 1914 – February 28, 2004) was an American historian, professor, attorney and author. He served as Librarian…
“Without Arabians, 9/11 wouldn’t exist. It would be IX/XI instead”
Jokes about the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on New York City's World Trade Center are numerous, although not politically correct. A "9/11" number joke was posted on Reddit…
“How many accountants does it take to change a lightbulb?” (joke)
An accountant version of the "lightbulb joke" is: Q: How many accountants does it take to change a lightbulb?A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?A: How many did it take last year?…
“I’m no good at hunting mushrooms, but I can provide morel support”
"Morel" sounds like "moral" and has been the subject of many puns. "Mushroom hunters are great for morel support" was posted on Twitter on August 30, 2012.…
“I am not drunk! Who would name their kid Drunk?”
"No! For the last time stop asking if I am drunk. I am not drunk! Who would name their kid Drunk?" is a jocular line that has been printed on several images. The line was posted on…
“What do you say when your pea rolls away?”/“It’s an escape-pea!”
Peas tend to roll of plates. A riddle is: Q: What do you say when your pea rolls away?A: "It's an escape-pea!" The "escape-pea" pea pun has been cited in print since at…
“A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand”
"A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand" is a popular "dad joke." "Me: 'How about one night stand?' She: 'That'll be $199…
“When is the best time to buy a boat?”/“When it’s on sail.”
A boat riddle is: Q: When is the best time to buy a boat?A: When it's on sail (sale). The "sail/sale" pun was posted on Twitter on March 25, 2010. TwitterIrv Segal…
“I saw a guy at Starbucks today. No phone, no tablet, no laptop. He just sat there drinking coffee”
Some people -- very few these days -- go into a coffeehouse like Starbucks and simply drink coffee. Brooklyn-based Wall Street Journal writer Jason Gay made a popular tweet on September 22,…
“I got fired from my job at the clock factory today. After all those extra hours I put in!”
Putting in extra hours at work -- is that a good or a bad thing? "I can't believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in" is a joke that was posted…
“A tragedy is a ship full of bankers sinking. A catastrophe is when they can all swim”
A joke about bankers is: Q: What's the difference between a tragedy and a catastrophe?A: A tragedy is a ship full of bankers going down in a storm. A catastrophe is when they can all swim. The…
“Give me all your money or you’re geography!” (bank robbery joke)
A popular bank robbery joke is: THIEF: Give me all your money, or you're geography! VICTIM: Don't you mean history?THIEF: Don't change the subject. The joke has been cited in print…
“You said you had between ten and fifteen million dollars in the bank” (joke)
A money joke is of unknown origin. "On a date the other day I told the guy I have between 10 and 30 million pounds in the bank It's actually true, my balance is £37" was posted on…
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression, first make sure you’re not surrounded by assholes”
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The…
“Cell phones keep getting thinner and smarter…people the opposite”
"Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter...people the opposite is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "Phones keep getting thinner and smarter…
“Dear Diamond, We all know who is really a girl’s best friend. Yours sincerely, Chocolate Cake”
"Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend" is a song from the Broadway musical Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1949). A jocular line is: "Dear Diamond(s), We all know who is really a…
“Why is the Army so strict on uniforms?”/“To minimize casual tees.”
A pun about the word "casualty" was posted on Twitter on August 31, 2009: "There was a shootout in The Gap. There were many casual-tees." A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Dad…
“My heart says chocolate and wine, but my jeans say, ‘eat a salad’”
"My heart says chocolate and wine, but my jeans say, "for the love of God, woman, eat a salad'" is a jocular food saying that has been printed on many images. "My heart…