“‘Probiotic’ sounds a lot better than ‘bacteria infested’”
"Probiotic" sounds like something good, but some people might not like it if it went by another name. "'Probiotic' sounds a lot sexier that 'dead bacteria…
“Why did the Canadian cross the road?”/“He saw some American do it on TV.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A Canadian version is: Q: Why did the Canadian cross the road?A: He…
“Why did the chicken cross the road?”/“North Korea’s long range missiles don’t reach that far.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A North Korea version is: Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?A:…
“You never realize how bumpy the road is until you drive on it with a full bladder”
A bumpy road and a full bladder is a bad combination. "There are few things more painful than a sportsbike, a bumpy road & a full bladder" was posted on the newsgroup aus.motorcycles…
“Why did the Canadian cross the road?”/“He saw some American do it on TV.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A Canadian version is: Q: Why did the Canadian cross the road?A: He…
“Lollipops are just you swallowing your flavored saliva”
Lollipops and chewing gum have been compared to "flavored saliva." "Ever think about when you suck on hard candy all you swallow is your flavored saliva?" was posted on Twitter…
“The punishment for tax evasion is getting to live off of other people’s taxes”
"Is it strange that people like Wesley Snipes go to prison for tax evasion so that other people's tax dollars can pay to keep him there?" was posted on Twitter on December 9, 2010.…
“Bought a pedometer the other day. It came with step by step instructions”
A pedometer measures the wearer's steps. "Bought a pedometer the other day, it came with step by step instructions" is a jocular saying that was posted on Twitter by Chris…
“The third hand on a clock is also the second hand”
Many non-digital clocks have three hands -- an "hour" hand, a "minute" hand and a "second" hand. A joke is that the "third hand" is the "second…
“How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?”/“Apply the pumpkin patch.”
A pumpkin "patch" (where pumpkins grow) is not the same as a nicotine "patch" (used for nicotine replacement therapy), but there have been several jokes.…
“If advertisers were smart, they’d make a silent, slow-motion commercial”
Many people tape programs and fast forward through the advertisements. James Breakwell wrote on Twitter on March 20, 2013: "If advertisers were smart, they’d make a silent, slow-motion…
Park Avenuer (wealthy/snobby person who lives on Park Avenue)
A person who lives on Park Avenue -- a street known for its wealthy residences -- is a "Park Avenuer" or "Park Avenoor." The term "Park Avenoor" was popularized by…
“Which coffee drink is also an actor?”/“Al cappuccino.”
New York City-born actor Al Pacino has nothing to do with cappuccino coffee, but there is an Al Cappuccino Coffee House in Newport Beach, California. "Although I prefer the kind of coffee that…
“Most people overgeneralize”
"Most people overgeneralize" was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on October 9, 2017. The statement itself is an overgeneralization. Reddit -- OnelinersMost people overgeneralize.submitted…
“Which coffee drink is also an actor?”/“Al cappuccino.”
New York City-born actor Al Pacino has nothing to do with cappuccino coffee, but there is an Al Cappuccino Coffee House in Newport Beach, California. "Although I prefer the kind of coffee that…
“Life’s too short to wake up in a bad mood. I save mine until I get to work”
"Life’s too short to wake up in a bad mood. I save mine until I get to work" (or "Life’s too short to wake up in a bad mood. I save mine for when I get to work") is a saying…
“While most puns make me feel numb, math puns always makes me feel number”
"Numb" and "number" are two very different words, but there are math jokes. "Most puns make me numb while math puns make me number. hehehehehe" was posted on Twitter…
“Cockroaches survive nuclear war. Which means America will still have a functioning government”
A popular meme is that cockroaches can survive a nuclear war. "In the event of nuclear war the only things that will survive are cockroaches. Which means Britain will still have a functioning…
Park Avenuer (wealthy/snobby person who lives on Park Avenue)
A person who lives on Park Avenue -- a street known for its wealthy residences -- is a "Park Avenuer" or "Park Avenoor." The term "Park Avenoor" was popularized by…
Gland Canyon (Broadway at Times Square)
Broadway -- New York City's theatrical center -- was briefly called the "Gland Canyon" (gland + Grand Canyon) in the late 1920s and early 1930s. "Gland Canyon" was printed…