“There is no gym for your face”
"There is no gym for your face" is a saying that has been printed on many images. It means the same thing as "there is no cure for ugly." "'Nice body. Too bad…
“What is the most well behaved drink?”/“Tea because the others are not tea.”
"Naughty" sounds like "not tea." A riddle form of this was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September 22, 2017: Q: What is the most well behaved drink?A: Tea because the others are…
“What do you call a ceiling bill that makes you pass out?”/“A roof fee!”
"Roofie" (a date rape drug) sounds like "roof fee." A riddle was posted on Reddit -- 3amjokes on September 22, 2017: Q: What do you call a ceiling bill that makes you pass…
“My wife gets annoyed if I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and lemonade & she’s sangria”
"He's/She's sangria" sounds like "he's/she's angrier." "My brother keeps getting mad that I tamper with his red wine. So I added some oranges and…
“What do you call a cow with a stutter that makes chocolate milk?”/“Cacao.”
"Cacao: a way to say cow with a stutter" was posted on Twitter on December 24, 2011. A riddle form of this was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September 21, 2017: Q: What do you call a cow…
“What falls down but never gets hurt?”/“Rain.”
A riddle about the rain is: Q: What falls down but never gets hurt?A: Rain. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 1962. Newspapers.com 3 November 1962, Courier-Post (Camden, NJ),…
“Why did the pirate ask to get a mortgage with 3.142 percent interest?”/“He wanted the pi-rate!”
A pirate riddle is: Q: Why did the pirate ask to get a mortgage with 3.142 percent interest?A: He wanted the pi-rate! The joke was posted on PirateJokes.net on February 21, 2015. "Why did the…
“Why don’t pirates need lawyers?”/“They prefer to settle through ARRrrrbitration.”
A pirate riddle is: Q: Why don't pirates need lawyers?A: They prefer to settle through ARRrrrbitration! The joke was posted on PirateJokes.net on September 18, 2010, and has been printed on an…
“Sex is like music: For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free”
"Sex is like music: for every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free" is a popular line for the internet age. The saying was posted on Twitter on September…
“Since Latin is a dead language, I expect it would be pretty useful in a zombie apocalypse”
Some people proclaim that Latin is a dead language, prompting a joke that has been printed on images: "If Latin is a dead language, does that mean zombies speak Latin?" "If Latin is…
“Why did the pirate send his hot dog back at Nathan’s?”/“Because it was a salty dog.”
A pirate riddle is: Q: Why did the pirate send his hot dog back at Nathan's?A: Because it was a salty dog! The joke was posted on PirateJokes.net on December 2, 2008. Wikipedia: Salty dogSalty…
“Shouldn’t pregnant women be called body builders?”
Pregnant women are, literally, "body builders." "What idiot called them pregnant women and not bodybuilders" was posted on Twitter on May 30, 2013. "Why are pregnant women…
“Soup is salad tea”
"Soup is salad tea" means that soup is something healthy to consume, like salad. "Soup is just salad tea" was posted on Twitter on February 13, 2015. "Soup is salad…
“What is a pirate’s favorite type of music?”/“Arr and B!”
A pirate riddle is: Q: What is a pirate's favourite type of music?A: Arr and B! The joke was posted on PirateJokes.net on August 31, 2008. Wikipedia: Rhythm and bluesRhythm and blues, often…
“Looking at the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken must have been 8 or 11 feet tall”
"Chicken fingers" are pieces of chicken, usually breaded and shaped like human fingers. They are not actual "chicken fingers," but that's been the subject of some humor.…
“How do pirates communicate with each other?”/“With an aye phone.”
A pirate riddle is: Q: How do pirates communicate with each other?A: With an aye phone. An "aye phone" (iPhone) pun has been cited in print since at least 2008. The joke has been printed…
“Why did the pirate go to college?”/“To become an arrrrrrchitect!”
A pirate riddle is: Q: Why did the pirate go to college?A: To become an arrrrrrchitect! "What’s a pirate’s second-choice job? An arrrrrrchitect!" has been cited in print since at…
“Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?”/“Because they can spend years at C.”
A pirate riddle is: Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? A: Because they can spend years at C! The joke was posted on the website PirateJokes.net on September 12, 2008.…
“What’s a pirate’s favorite food?”/“Arrrrrtichokes.”
A pirate riddle is: Q: What's a pirate's favorite food?A: Arrrrrtichokes. "What's a pirate's favorite food? an ARRRR-ange!" was cited on a message board in 2003.…
“What does a Jewish pirate say?”/“Ahoy vey!”
A Jewish riddle -- and a pirate riddle -- is: Q: What does a Jewish pirate say?A: Ahoy vey! "Ahoy vey" (oy vey + ahoy) was posted on the newsgroup soc.culture.jewish.parenting on January…