“If cars had an ‘I’m sorry’ horn, there would probably be a lot less road rage”
People honk their car horns as a warning to other drivers. Some call it a "you stupid bastard horn" or a "fuck you horn." CraigBailey.net suggested a "sorry horn" on…
“If you Google something and can’t find it, there’s a 90% chance it doesn’t exist”
Many people believe that the search engine Google has the answer to just about everything. "If I google something and can't find it, it doesn't exist. Simple" was posted on…
“College bookstores are like the GameStop of textbooks”
Students trade-in computer games at GameStop; when they go to college, they trade-in textbooks at the college bookstore. "College bookstores are the only place worse than Gamestop for trade-in…
“How does a rich girl curse?”/“Oh teri Fendi.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Similar "rich girl" riddles include: “How do you tickle a rich girl?"/"Say ‘Gucci Gucci Gucci!‘““How does a rich girl…
“How does a rich girl fart?”/“Praadaa praadaaa.”
Enty in progress -- B.P. Similar "rich girl" riddles include: “How do you tickle a rich girl?"/"Say ‘Gucci Gucci Gucci!‘““How does a rich girl…
“If you ever have trouble opening a bottle of champagne, hit it with a ship”
Paul F. Taylor submitted this champagne bottle joke to the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in 2009: "If you ever have trouble opening a bottle of champagne. My advice, hit it with a ship. I've…
“Where do footballers dance?”/“At a football.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. 13 June 2006, Liverpool (UK) Echo, "Your JOEKS," pg. 22:Where do footballers dance?At a football. TwitterDaily Jokes @webfoolishWhere do footballers dance? At…
“I was going to tell a finance joke, but then again, it would bear no interest to you”
A finance joke was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on September 29, 2017: "I was going to tell a finance joke, but then again, it would bear no interest to you." Reddit -- OnelinersI was…
“What lights up a football stadium?”/“A football match.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. 13 June 2006, Liverpool (UK) Echo, "Your JOEKS," pg. 22:What lights up a football stadium?A football match!
“Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?”/“All of them. A crossbar can’t jump.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. 3 February 2002, Sunday Telegraph (Surry Hills, New South Wales), "The Funday Telegraph" by Matthew Frilingos, pg. F1:Which goal keeper can jump higher than a…
“How do you tickle a rich girl?”/“Say ‘Gucci Gucci Gucci!’”
A riddle about Gucci luxury products has been printed on several images: Q: How do you tickle a rich girl?A: Say "Gucci Gucci Gucci!" The joke was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on…
“Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?”
People seem to look at their phones, no matter what place they are. "Anybody have plans to stare at their phone someplace exciting this weekend?" is a jocular line that was posted on…
“What tea do footballers drink?”/“Penaltea.”
A "penalty" is not a tea drink ("penaltea"), but there have been several puns. A football/soccer riddle has been cited in print since at least 2001 and has been printed on many…
“How does a rich girl sneeze?”/“Jimmy Choo!”
A riddle about Jimmy Choo handmade women's shoes has been printed on images: Q: How does a rich girl sneeze?A: Jimmy Choo!" The joke was posted on Twitter on February 18, 2010. Similar…
“A bull market is like sex. It feels best just before it ends”
American money manager Barton Biggs (1932-2012) said in February 1996: "Bull markets are like sex -- they feel best just before the end." American investor Warren Buffett used Biggs'…
“Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans”
"Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans" -- a pun on "genes" -- is a joke that has been printed on many images. "Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in…
“Checking social media at work is our generation’s smoke break”
Workers in the 1950s took smoke breaks. Workers in the 21st century take breaks for other reasons, frequently associated with social media. "I have decided that the Internet is this…
“Why don’t vegetarians hold grudges?”/“Because they never have beef with anyone!”
"Vegetarians have no beef with anyone" is a jocular saying that has been printed on a bumper sticker. "As a vegetarian ..... I have no beef with anyone!" was posted on the…
“What do you call a chicken crossing the road?”/“Poultry in motion.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. One version is: Q: What do you call a chicken crossing the road?A:…
“Funeral homes are a dying business”
"Funeral homes are a dying business" is an old joke in that industry. "A dying business. -Funeral business" was published in the Australian Financial Review in July 1982.…